02-06-2018, 10:16 AM
Good insight Simon.
The most satisfying thing is when you do put in your own effort to resolve it. Because afterwards you will get a sense of accomplishment. And it will really be and feel like an accomplishment, you can bet on that.
He is triggering you, all right. So the only two options you think about now are ignoring it (while boiling on the inside) or telling him straight and wholeheartedly to shut the F up (which you want to avoid because of your boss being close). There are several paths between those two extremes.
I think the most effective reaction would be severe honesty on your side towards the guy. Tell him in a relaxed manner that his joking is putting you down (not something like 'I think your joking is XX' but directly 'Hey man, stop it, your XX is ...'), that you don't like it, that you want and deserve to be treated with respect, etc., etc.
Make it a point to do this in front of your boss, if the situation allows for it. Whatever the guy does in response - stay cool and don't get sucked into his frame. Don't let it escalate into an argument, state your case and let it be for the moment. If the guy does not get it the first time and jokes again in that manner (which he probably will) let it almost slide by you for one or two times, simply rolling your eyes and asking him something like "Really?" while ignoring him afterwards. Third time, remind him that you have talked about this issue before to him and that you like him to stop. Be polite but firm.
Repeat and vary the responses, but be always polite and firm. Play around with ignoring him. Don't retaliate. The upside of having your boss sitting close to you will be that he recognizes that you stand up for yourself, but are able to do it in a professional way. Sooner or later your boss will take your side because he has seen your struggle ... if he is a good team-leader that is. In the end you earn your bosses respect and get the guy to shut up.
Don't be triggered. Stay in control.
The most satisfying thing is when you do put in your own effort to resolve it. Because afterwards you will get a sense of accomplishment. And it will really be and feel like an accomplishment, you can bet on that.
He is triggering you, all right. So the only two options you think about now are ignoring it (while boiling on the inside) or telling him straight and wholeheartedly to shut the F up (which you want to avoid because of your boss being close). There are several paths between those two extremes.
I think the most effective reaction would be severe honesty on your side towards the guy. Tell him in a relaxed manner that his joking is putting you down (not something like 'I think your joking is XX' but directly 'Hey man, stop it, your XX is ...'), that you don't like it, that you want and deserve to be treated with respect, etc., etc.
Make it a point to do this in front of your boss, if the situation allows for it. Whatever the guy does in response - stay cool and don't get sucked into his frame. Don't let it escalate into an argument, state your case and let it be for the moment. If the guy does not get it the first time and jokes again in that manner (which he probably will) let it almost slide by you for one or two times, simply rolling your eyes and asking him something like "Really?" while ignoring him afterwards. Third time, remind him that you have talked about this issue before to him and that you like him to stop. Be polite but firm.
Repeat and vary the responses, but be always polite and firm. Play around with ignoring him. Don't retaliate. The upside of having your boss sitting close to you will be that he recognizes that you stand up for yourself, but are able to do it in a professional way. Sooner or later your boss will take your side because he has seen your struggle ... if he is a good team-leader that is. In the end you earn your bosses respect and get the guy to shut up.
Don't be triggered. Stay in control.
_ - Third Stone From The Sun - _
