Day 55,
My mind keeps arriving at the same conclusion (true or false). Most of your problems are not psychological; they are bio-chemical environmental factors which affect your brain, and therefore, your thoughts.
The brain is an organ (one of many). You can't think that your brain's effectiveness isn't affected when even one of your other organs are out of whack. What makes it fall out of whack? Hormonal, chemical, and environmental factors can mess you up. There are so many chemical products in the world, and they permeate every environment you find yourself in. I think that many people categorize health status as 'healthy', 'sick' and 'cancer', 'healthy' occupying a large proportion.
This past decade, I've been caught up in the idea that I needed to solve my thoughts, and that solving my thoughts would solve my life. No matter how much tapping I do, having heavy metals or toxins accumulating in my bowels affects your blood supply, which affects the amount of oxygen that makes it to your brain (etc.), and throws you off. Even if I tap something away and settle it neurologically, it would be difficult to change a belief in a deep and lasting way if your vitality is constricted. In other words, my thoughts occur in a context, which is that they are occurring in a brain, which is itself biological tissue that is affected by its surrounding environment.
I'm realizing that most of the ongoing problem in my life come from my health. I'm not out of shape by any means; with my shirt off, you would think that I'm in excellent shape. However, there are subtler things that indicate that I'm nowhere near where I could be:
i) I sleep 6-8 hours and wake up completely wiped out and lacking energy. I hit the snooze button very often. Previously, the problem was taking at least one hour to fall asleep, AS WELL AS being drained while waking up.
ii) I've experienced some form of brain fog or 'saturation' (filled up on new information), or at least have been aware of it, for the past 8 months or so.
iii) I'm easily distracted in general.
iv) My sexual attraction to women is very flighty; when I was younger, I didn't feel genuine attraction towards women. But, due to raging hormones, it was a fucked up neediness, and every woman felt it, and, they understandably stayed away. Now, I don't feel very much at all when walking up to new women. I sense that they feel that too. It's almost a logical attraction, if that makes sense.
v) I'm often very socially introverted (a little less now), which makes sense; if I'm lacking energy to the point where I can't support my own functions, how can I expect to overflow and share that energy with other people?
vi) I've been risk averse in social environments; I realize that this is because I would only be able to muster up enough energy to perform the action, but not be willing to put up the energy to deal with the ongoing consequences attendant to it.
vii) Anytime I would get a new job, I would experience newfound motivation to achieve and do well. I think that this is due to adrenaline and not wanting to mess up. Once that behavior turned into habit, it would be the same old struggle to go to bed, wake up with enough energy, do the assignments, etc.
viii) New promises that I make with myself fall through; it's almost like the weekend, by sleeping for 8-10 hours and not having to work, allows me to rejuvenate JUST ENOUGH for me to cross some motivational threshold where I begin to see life's possibilities and start plotting. Once the weekend is up, the stressors of work and less sleep pull me back under that threshold.
ix) It takes me forever to heal wounds.
It's an absolute fucking miracle that I was able to finish writing that damn book, and make it something of decent quality. Or, get to this point. Well, it isn't THAT bad, but it's enough for me to take notice and to ask myself: "Could there be more to human life than being tired?" Honestly, I worked a half day, and was practically falling asleep at the wheel while driving down to see my family; in fairness, it was a 5.5 hour drive. But, really. Fortunately, I've got the spare cash to experiment with some solutions.
In other words, I'm planning a detox, which should take care of most of these problems. Don't worry about it; I won't be going off the deep end. But, I will commit to making a significant change in my life.
I don't know if I'm being clear enough; my thoughts are a little all over the place.
Note to self: a quote I thought about: "Don't invite hell upon yourself before first making yourself fire-resistant."
On the drive here, I started having plenty of ideas for the second iteration of the book.
My mind keeps arriving at the same conclusion (true or false). Most of your problems are not psychological; they are bio-chemical environmental factors which affect your brain, and therefore, your thoughts.
The brain is an organ (one of many). You can't think that your brain's effectiveness isn't affected when even one of your other organs are out of whack. What makes it fall out of whack? Hormonal, chemical, and environmental factors can mess you up. There are so many chemical products in the world, and they permeate every environment you find yourself in. I think that many people categorize health status as 'healthy', 'sick' and 'cancer', 'healthy' occupying a large proportion.
This past decade, I've been caught up in the idea that I needed to solve my thoughts, and that solving my thoughts would solve my life. No matter how much tapping I do, having heavy metals or toxins accumulating in my bowels affects your blood supply, which affects the amount of oxygen that makes it to your brain (etc.), and throws you off. Even if I tap something away and settle it neurologically, it would be difficult to change a belief in a deep and lasting way if your vitality is constricted. In other words, my thoughts occur in a context, which is that they are occurring in a brain, which is itself biological tissue that is affected by its surrounding environment.
I'm realizing that most of the ongoing problem in my life come from my health. I'm not out of shape by any means; with my shirt off, you would think that I'm in excellent shape. However, there are subtler things that indicate that I'm nowhere near where I could be:
i) I sleep 6-8 hours and wake up completely wiped out and lacking energy. I hit the snooze button very often. Previously, the problem was taking at least one hour to fall asleep, AS WELL AS being drained while waking up.
ii) I've experienced some form of brain fog or 'saturation' (filled up on new information), or at least have been aware of it, for the past 8 months or so.
iii) I'm easily distracted in general.
iv) My sexual attraction to women is very flighty; when I was younger, I didn't feel genuine attraction towards women. But, due to raging hormones, it was a fucked up neediness, and every woman felt it, and, they understandably stayed away. Now, I don't feel very much at all when walking up to new women. I sense that they feel that too. It's almost a logical attraction, if that makes sense.
v) I'm often very socially introverted (a little less now), which makes sense; if I'm lacking energy to the point where I can't support my own functions, how can I expect to overflow and share that energy with other people?
vi) I've been risk averse in social environments; I realize that this is because I would only be able to muster up enough energy to perform the action, but not be willing to put up the energy to deal with the ongoing consequences attendant to it.
vii) Anytime I would get a new job, I would experience newfound motivation to achieve and do well. I think that this is due to adrenaline and not wanting to mess up. Once that behavior turned into habit, it would be the same old struggle to go to bed, wake up with enough energy, do the assignments, etc.
viii) New promises that I make with myself fall through; it's almost like the weekend, by sleeping for 8-10 hours and not having to work, allows me to rejuvenate JUST ENOUGH for me to cross some motivational threshold where I begin to see life's possibilities and start plotting. Once the weekend is up, the stressors of work and less sleep pull me back under that threshold.
ix) It takes me forever to heal wounds.
It's an absolute fucking miracle that I was able to finish writing that damn book, and make it something of decent quality. Or, get to this point. Well, it isn't THAT bad, but it's enough for me to take notice and to ask myself: "Could there be more to human life than being tired?" Honestly, I worked a half day, and was practically falling asleep at the wheel while driving down to see my family; in fairness, it was a 5.5 hour drive. But, really. Fortunately, I've got the spare cash to experiment with some solutions.
In other words, I'm planning a detox, which should take care of most of these problems. Don't worry about it; I won't be going off the deep end. But, I will commit to making a significant change in my life.
I don't know if I'm being clear enough; my thoughts are a little all over the place.
Note to self: a quote I thought about: "Don't invite hell upon yourself before first making yourself fire-resistant."
On the drive here, I started having plenty of ideas for the second iteration of the book.
UMS v2 Journal (current) || Overcoming Fear 5.75G Journal
