07-14-2017, 02:18 PM
Now, exams are over, don't know the results yet, but I think it should be ok. Anyway, after my last post still some things came to the surface, some of them I thought I was already ok with but obviously this wasn't the case. Few days before exams I tried if I could learn better without subs so I stopped. On day one it was the same. On day two I felt worse for some reason. On day three I felt totally messed and had tons of negative stuff on my mind and so decided to do my loops again on day three. After the loops were done I could learn much better again. My explanation: The shielding was hiding all the shit which was under the surface so I could do what had to be done.
Other than that I am hitting heavy resistance again which was also reinforced through some experiences I had lastly. That made me realize that I almost completely lack dominance, especially at this time and especially when dealing with women. And I don't feel very masculine at all. One of the things where I noticed it was when a woman I know wanted to buy some food for me. I didn't want and told her two or three times. Few minutes later she left for a moment and come back with food - for me. As I said before there were also other situation where I noticed the lack of dominance but don't want to go into details. However, I just thought if I don't even manage it to stop a woman from buying me food how can I expect her to want to sleep with me?
The situation makes it really tempting to stop DMSI and start AM6 again but I definitely also need the healing (I mean there must be a reason why I lack dominance more with women than with men) so I don't switch. But, however, resistance or not, I am definitely lacking these masculine-dominant traits, that's sure, so I hope DMSI find a way to "install" the things into my SC. So far for now.
Other than that I am hitting heavy resistance again which was also reinforced through some experiences I had lastly. That made me realize that I almost completely lack dominance, especially at this time and especially when dealing with women. And I don't feel very masculine at all. One of the things where I noticed it was when a woman I know wanted to buy some food for me. I didn't want and told her two or three times. Few minutes later she left for a moment and come back with food - for me. As I said before there were also other situation where I noticed the lack of dominance but don't want to go into details. However, I just thought if I don't even manage it to stop a woman from buying me food how can I expect her to want to sleep with me?
The situation makes it really tempting to stop DMSI and start AM6 again but I definitely also need the healing (I mean there must be a reason why I lack dominance more with women than with men) so I don't switch. But, however, resistance or not, I am definitely lacking these masculine-dominant traits, that's sure, so I hope DMSI find a way to "install" the things into my SC. So far for now.
In theory, theory and practice are the same. In practice, they are not.
