DMSI 3.1 - The Journal

[Shawn]

Short update. Exam preparation is going on but it is getting more difficult to learn and understand things and also my motivation is moderate - in best case. I wonder if this is due to the fact that I won't be able to run MLS before exam so the probability lines changed and no more TID.

Other than that I am alternating A and B every few days, don't know if this is wise or resistance or me simply confused because of my work load. Still getting IOI's but won't go into details as most people get them on DMSI. Met a girl I know recently and grabbed a drink but I don't feel that attracted so it was just a nice night.

Today I got IOI's from a girl at the train station and I had a strong impulse to go over and approach her but I stopped myself with the typical thoughts like "what to say", etc. As I already thought about having a standard approach lines I knew in a second two different things how I could approach her. But instead of doing it I thought "No, this is no good line, I need something better". I realized that moment that one reason I don't approach is that I want it to be perfect(!) which will never be the case - so it is also a pretty good excuse to not approach. Maybe the want of making everything perfect should be addressed in DMSI if not yet the case as this can be a big killer in regards to all the approach, flirting and also seduction.

Another day I was in the train and there was a girl who seemed attracted. And there were moments where I thought she will be starting a conversation with me as she looked the way like she wanted starting talking to me. However, she didn't. But, anyway, the moment I thought she will talk to me scared the shit out of me. I don't know the exact reason but that's something DMSI needs to work on on myself.

I also had another thought about DMSI. Many people experience broken manifestations probably due to inconsistent executing. We probably can't change that until sufficient execution but sometimes I think girls have a perfect image of how the man should be where she is attracted to and if there is the slightest deviation she looses interest. So maybe DMSI could address at least some slightly deviations and keep her interested. Something like not a perfect approach, boring conversation or boring texts. Maybe it can be also used to motivate her to move things forward to the fun part. Just an idea.

Edit: I almost forgot, this morning I had an idea about making money which sounds interesting. Don't wanna say more as I have to check several things if this can work out to my satisfaction. But this have to wait until exams are over.

[Shannon]

Perfectionism is based in fear of not being good enough - which is a fear - which is dealt with in DMSI.

What I'm going to do in 3.2 is better deal with certain things pertaining to WHY you are afraid. Hopefully that will prevent the fear from regenerating.

[Shawn]

I have been testing kinesiology and dowsing to figure out loops count and track like a week ago. Kinesiology gave me inconsistent result while the dowsing results were more stable. I asked if version A is the best version for me to reach the sub goal in the fastest and safest way and then the same for B. Three of four times both, A and B, gave me a yes, one time both gave me a no. Maybe I am at a point where A and B can do this job for me. I also asked if A or B goes best along with learning. Not surprising that A was best but I was surprised that two loops are best along side with learning and not one. I re-checked it two or three times.

Anyway, I still did B for a few days and all what I can say that the effects with B seem to be more and more obvious for me where at the first time I ran B I shut down execution after 2 days and didn't notice effects anymore. I had many crazy stares from women and some of the most obvious IOIs.

Now that I switched back to A it seems like the healing is hitting a new level. I have thoughts of events which probably affected my personal development in a negative way for a long time where I wasn't aware anymore about those things. There are also other things coming to the surface I was really surprised to become aware of. Really interesting.

[Shawn]

Now, exams are over, don't know the results yet, but I think it should be ok. Anyway, after my last post still some things came to the surface, some of them I thought I was already ok with but obviously this wasn't the case. Few days before exams I tried if I could learn better without subs so I stopped. On day one it was the same. On day two I felt worse for some reason. On day three I felt totally messed and had tons of negative stuff on my mind and so decided to do my loops again on day three. After the loops were done I could learn much better again. My explanation: The shielding was hiding all the shit which was under the surface so I could do what had to be done.

Other than that I am hitting heavy resistance again which was also reinforced through some experiences I had lastly. That made me realize that I almost completely lack dominance, especially at this time and especially when dealing with women. And I don't feel very masculine at all. One of the things where I noticed it was when a woman I know wanted to buy some food for me. I didn't want and told her two or three times. Few minutes later she left for a moment and come back with food - for me. As I said before there were also other situation where I noticed the lack of dominance but don't want to go into details. However, I just thought if I don't even manage it to stop a woman from buying me food how can I expect her to want to sleep with me?

The situation makes it really tempting to stop DMSI and start AM6 again but I definitely also need the healing (I mean there must be a reason why I lack dominance more with women than with men) so I don't switch. But, however, resistance or not, I am definitely lacking these masculine-dominant traits, that's sure, so I hope DMSI find a way to "install" the things into my SC. So far for now.

[Shawn]

Still lots of negativity going on. My thoughts and feelings toward women are almost in a Dzemoo-like area, very unsatisfied with my weak physique and the inability to change this in a sufficient way, very insecure when dealing with women. Also many thoughts like "Why doing this sub when I don't will succeed anyway".

Yesterday and today three loops (hybrid, masked, masked), (hybrid, hybrid, masked).

[Shawn]

I have found a post which really resonates with me and instead of derailing others journal I will repost it here:

.
.
.

Here's my issue though:

Being genuinely interested in their personality is what will give you a huge boost in attractiveness in their eyes. Now, let’s not pretend there isn’t such thing as social norms, fear of strangers, fear of being hurt and shamed on girl’s side, that make approaching hard for both. Regarding your intention, if you’re really interested in their personality and want to know them better before escalation to anything else, they will recognize this (general consensus is, women are 100 times more intuitive and perceptive than men) and this will give you a huge brownie point in their eyes;

I'm not really. :/

If I'm being ho0nest, I really am not that interested.

So if I have to be genuine, AND be genuinely interested, those two things contradict and I'll come across as fake. It;s like there's no way for me. :/

It all points to that, to be successful, you have to be comfortable with yourself first, be unguarded and open, and unafraid to bare yourself (no, I’m not talking walking around with trench coat and nothing underneath and exposing yourself!); have a cool and unapologetic demeanour and a “so, what are you all about?” genuine curiosity about the girl.

Yeah, if I bare all it will come out that I'm NOT genuinely interested in the girl. At least I can fake it if I have to, but if you want me to be "real" I won't be interested in her beyond sex and a sense of humor if she's got it. :/

You don’t have to worry about reassuring them about sexual shaming; first, you don’t have to be ashamed in showing interest in a girl, making her feel at ease with you, or being rejected if that’s how she chooses to react. I genuinely, genuinely believe vast majority of the girls you approach, will hope for you to be all they are looking for in a man while you’re opening them; majority are not stuck up bitches whom will shoot you down and ruin your day because you reached out and showed interest, out of their malice. It hurts to receive rejection, but for vast majority of girls, giving rejection is a hard thing to do as well. I’ve had my female friends confirming this to me.

This is good to know.

I don’t think overthinking is your problem, if anything I’d say you feel awkward about the interaction with the girl and project it to her. And I’d say you think of a girl, like a girl; now please don’t be offended by that, as if correct about you, I’d say it applies to me too. I can strike a conversation and friendship with a girl easier than with a man, and I wouldn’t be able to do it, if I didn’t understand them on a deeper level, and empathise with them. It’s a complicated setup within me, masculine drive and feminine intuition and sometimes they interact well, sometimes they cancel each other, sometimes I’m winning in all aspects of my life, sometimes I’m a miserable mess. I’d dare to say that, like me, you have to resolve questions of your sexuality, purpose, being really comfortable with who you are first, before you can go out and seize all that is rightfully yours. Many times in the past I’d try to figure things out by listening to and emulating others, going on a high that a new book, movie, new relationship would temporarily give me; I’d say I’m finding myself and my purpose on DMSI a lot quicker than I did before. Sure, Dzemoo will lay another two girls by the time I finish writing this post, but even he had to objectify them first, to be comfortable with himself around them. What attracts girls to a guy like him, is that he’s now comfortable with himself. We should not try to act like someone else, or think about appealing to our target audience, but focus on being ourselves instead.

Because…

Well again, if that's the key (being genuine and "myself") then I should stop pretending I'm interested in women beyond sex. :/

Just being honest man. It's a terrible predicament to be in.

One of the reasons why I look up to dzemoo so much is he makes that work. Somehow. I wish I could too, but I feel like I'm obligated to give people good conversation, connection, or whatever else.

I don't know if I can reconcile the contradictions of

A. Be genuine
and
B. Be interested

I'm genuinely not. :/

But thank you for taking the time to write that. I will mull over it for some time and obviously I've only responded with what came to mind initially.

Well, it is not the first time I realize that, but this REALLY resonates with me. I don't feel like I have genuine interest in girls as whole person. I feel obligated to do so but in reality I feel more like "Just leave me alone...until I wanna have sex with you...and then leave". I guess this also bring up some guilt and shame as I was told to treat people well and be nice and not caring about them is not all that along the given standards. I just don't know if how I am is my genuine self or is this fear telling me not caring about them or am I simply socially broken...I don't know. I just know that it also feels exhausting to be interested in them, for whatever reason. And I also know that at the time I wanted people (especially girls) be with me was because I wanted them to give me their attention. So far my insights here.

[SargeMaximus]

I have found a post which really resonates with me and instead of derailing others journal I will repost it here:

.
.
.

Here's my issue though:

Being genuinely interested in their personality is what will give you a huge boost in attractiveness in their eyes. Now, let’s not pretend there isn’t such thing as social norms, fear of strangers, fear of being hurt and shamed on girl’s side, that make approaching hard for both. Regarding your intention, if you’re really interested in their personality and want to know them better before escalation to anything else, they will recognize this (general consensus is, women are 100 times more intuitive and perceptive than men) and this will give you a huge brownie point in their eyes;

I'm not really. :/

If I'm being ho0nest, I really am not that interested.

So if I have to be genuine, AND be genuinely interested, those two things contradict and I'll come across as fake. It;s like there's no way for me. :/

It all points to that, to be successful, you have to be comfortable with yourself first, be unguarded and open, and unafraid to bare yourself (no, I’m not talking walking around with trench coat and nothing underneath and exposing yourself!); have a cool and unapologetic demeanour and a “so, what are you all about?” genuine curiosity about the girl.

Yeah, if I bare all it will come out that I'm NOT genuinely interested in the girl. At least I can fake it if I have to, but if you want me to be "real" I won't be interested in her beyond sex and a sense of humor if she's got it. :/

You don’t have to worry about reassuring them about sexual shaming; first, you don’t have to be ashamed in showing interest in a girl, making her feel at ease with you, or being rejected if that’s how she chooses to react. I genuinely, genuinely believe vast majority of the girls you approach, will hope for you to be all they are looking for in a man while you’re opening them; majority are not stuck up bitches whom will shoot you down and ruin your day because you reached out and showed interest, out of their malice. It hurts to receive rejection, but for vast majority of girls, giving rejection is a hard thing to do as well. I’ve had my female friends confirming this to me.

This is good to know.

I don’t think overthinking is your problem, if anything I’d say you feel awkward about the interaction with the girl and project it to her. And I’d say you think of a girl, like a girl; now please don’t be offended by that, as if correct about you, I’d say it applies to me too. I can strike a conversation and friendship with a girl easier than with a man, and I wouldn’t be able to do it, if I didn’t understand them on a deeper level, and empathise with them. It’s a complicated setup within me, masculine drive and feminine intuition and sometimes they interact well, sometimes they cancel each other, sometimes I’m winning in all aspects of my life, sometimes I’m a miserable mess. I’d dare to say that, like me, you have to resolve questions of your sexuality, purpose, being really comfortable with who you are first, before you can go out and seize all that is rightfully yours. Many times in the past I’d try to figure things out by listening to and emulating others, going on a high that a new book, movie, new relationship would temporarily give me; I’d say I’m finding myself and my purpose on DMSI a lot quicker than I did before. Sure, Dzemoo will lay another two girls by the time I finish writing this post, but even he had to objectify them first, to be comfortable with himself around them. What attracts girls to a guy like him, is that he’s now comfortable with himself. We should not try to act like someone else, or think about appealing to our target audience, but focus on being ourselves instead.

Because…

Well again, if that's the key (being genuine and "myself") then I should stop pretending I'm interested in women beyond sex. :/

Just being honest man. It's a terrible predicament to be in.

One of the reasons why I look up to dzemoo so much is he makes that work. Somehow. I wish I could too, but I feel like I'm obligated to give people good conversation, connection, or whatever else.

I don't know if I can reconcile the contradictions of

A. Be genuine
and
B. Be interested

I'm genuinely not. :/

But thank you for taking the time to write that. I will mull over it for some time and obviously I've only responded with what came to mind initially.

Well, it is not the first time I realize that, but this REALLY resonates with me. I don't feel like I have genuine interest in girls as whole person. I feel obligated to do so but in reality I feel more like "Just leave me alone...until I wanna have sex with you...and then leave". I guess this also bring up some guilt and shame as I was told to treat people well and be nice and not caring about them is not all that along the given standards. I just don't know if how I am is my genuine self or is this fear telling me not caring about them or am I simply socially broken...I don't know. I just know that it also feels exhausting to be interested in them, for whatever reason. And I also know that at the time I wanted people (especially girls) be with me was because I wanted them to give me their attention. So far my insights here.

Lol yes. That bold part says it all.

For me, I also wonder if I am just that way, and if "owning" my uncaring-ness will produce better results. Dzemoo certainly seemed to be able to pull it off.

[mat422]

Obviously I can't speak for everyone, but in my opinion if you feel like you're bored of women and you haven't had an abundance of them, it's most likely fear. There's a difference between actually having your pick of any woman you want at any time vs telling yourself that you do and choose not to as a way to avoid whatever it is you fear.

[SargeMaximus]

Obviously I can't speak for everyone, but in my opinion if you feel like you're bored of women and you haven't had an abundance of them, it's most likely fear. There's a difference between actually having your pick of any woman you want at any time vs telling yourself that you do and choose not to as a way to avoid whatever it is you fear.

I don't see how it has anything to do with abundance or fear. I just don't like talking to women about their random "whimsical" crap.

[Shawn]

Obviously I can't speak for everyone, but in my opinion if you feel like you're bored of women and you haven't had an abundance of them, it's most likely fear. There's a difference between actually having your pick of any woman you want at any time vs telling yourself that you do and choose not to as a way to avoid whatever it is you fear.

I don't see how it has anything to do with abundance or fear. I just don't like talking to women about their random "whimsical" crap.

^This (bold)

But stuff like don't like talking about random crap or being exhausted by socializing with women could be also caused by fear to convince you that it isn't good for you. But in the same way it could be the other factors I mentioned. So we don't know.

[mat422]

Obviously I can't speak for everyone, but in my opinion if you feel like you're bored of women and you haven't had an abundance of them, it's most likely fear. There's a difference between actually having your pick of any woman you want at any time vs telling yourself that you do and choose not to as a way to avoid whatever it is you fear.

I don't see how it has anything to do with abundance or fear. I just don't like talking to women about their random "whimsical" crap.

Expand on what you mean by random "whimsical" crap.

Obviously I can't speak for everyone, but in my opinion if you feel like you're bored of women and you haven't had an abundance of them, it's most likely fear. There's a difference between actually having your pick of any woman you want at any time vs telling yourself that you do and choose not to as a way to avoid whatever it is you fear.

I don't see how it has anything to do with abundance or fear. I just don't like talking to women about their random "whimsical" crap.

^This (bold)

But stuff like don't like talking about random crap or being exhausted by socializing with women could be also caused by fear to convince you that it isn't good for you. But in the same way it could be the other factors I mentioned. So we don't know.

Yeah it's damn near impossible to tell at times. So that's why I'm always being mindful of the fear manipulating my views on things.

[Shawn]

After the last posts I realized that I was still seeing a lot of things through filters. Some of them were social programming, some of them were more like what other people want me to want or expect me to want. Gladly these things seem to disappear slowly and I am closer than ever before to what I really want and not others, even if I am sure that there are some filters left.

In terms of outer results not much to report, most stuff happening on the inner side. What I noticed is that eye seduction is back. Didn't experience this since my SM3 run. So it looks like more and more modules are enabled. I also switched to B yesterday to push things again a bit (recently 2 or 3 days B were enough to leave 1 - 2 weeks of work for A). Surprisingly I noticed strong morphine drip. Didn't notice it on B so far until now.

Other thing is I am contemplating if MLS could help me to improve my social skills as this is my weakest part of the game. And as it will be at least 3 months until 3.2 is out it would be worth for trying at least for a month and seeing what it does for me in these terms. But it is not set in stone yet, just thinking.

My loops in the last few days:
4 (3xHybrid, 1xTS)
3 (2xHybrid, 1xTS)
2 (1xHybrid, 1xTS)
3 B (2xHybrid, 1xTS)
3 B (2xHybrid, 1xTS)

I just use gut feeling for now as dowsing become absolute unreliable as I got into the negativity.

[Shawn]

For the last 2 days I didn't listen to the sub as I want to try the approach mentioned in LionKing's thread. I noticed some kind of mini-bloom yesterday, felt sexually charged, had lot of sexual related thoughts about a certain woman and every time they came up it gave me an instant boner, which was almost the first half of the day, lol. Other than that I didn't notice much difference.

Saying this I feel somehow frustrated because I seem to be hitting a wall with DMSI and V3.2 will take a whole while until it is here. That's why I started to think about approaching some of the problems from another point of view. Like doing MLS for improving socializing. But as my problems are fear related I also thought about OF as I remember Shannon saying that small scripts are more likely to be executed. But in the lights of power OF is lightyears behind DMSI so I don't know if this approach would make sense at all. I am somehow desperately looking for way to overcome what's holding me back from true success (as quickly as possible) as I am really tired of being in the place I am but no way seem to be the perfect fit.

Today, two loops A (hybrid/TS).

[Shawn]

Woke up too early today and decided to start my loops and go back to bed. While sub was running I had a strange dream where I was at some kind of festival. There was a guy who was a bit aggressive and did brandings to people he wanted to dominate. Fortunately it only affected my clothes but it was annoying so I left by climbing a high latter. As I was on the top I heard several people screaming and as I looked down I saw a girl fixing her clothes like someone tried to put the clothes apart before. As I asked what happened she looked at me scared and signaled me to be quite. The next time I looked down the girl wasn't there anymore but instead there was a swing and a small girl sat on the swing. But as she looked up I got scared because she looked like a mix of the girl from "The Ring" and a monster version of Cleopatra. Then I woke up.

I feel really tired today and have some suddenly headaches which passes the next moment. Two loops today (hybrid/TS).

Edit: Yesterday during the day I had many thought coming up why I react to several things the way I do. And pretty much every time it had something to do with fear. So it looks it is a big factor for me.