Recently I have been trying to practice IDGAF attitude. It's mostly when I am alone or not busy I am attracted by thoughts which would make me really depressed. It's mostly related to morals and how world today lacks it.. Seeing the world in this condition makes me kinda depressed. Logically I know I can't do anything about it. But there is this fantasy world inside my head and if doesn't match with reality I get depressed.. I seriously have no idea where this belief comes from.. I did a reading on me and even that says something like this. Anyway I am now getting pretty good at IDGAF mode. It's helps me shift my focus.
Also I am dying to do something productive but Idk what. All I see is my books but I have no motivation to study and fear based motivation is gone, which is a good thing. But now I have to find interest based motivation. I dont fb, insta anything anymore. I just sit in my room all day, roam around the house and occasionally go out to get stuff. But I do visit this forum 50 times a day. I am just trying to kill time.
Sometimes I wonder what was there to worry about all these years? It did nothing but set me back and ruined my mental physical health along with missing opportunities. Fear, worry, stress didn't do anything and played no role. If only my father would have focused on creating "Interest based motivation" instead of "Fear based" then I would have been in much much better position. But instead my father had issues related to fame and ego. I mean he is pretty successful and graduated from top university in my country but he was so much obsessed with other kids performance,specially neighbours kid or his colleagues kids.. Performing good in class and academic area specially. It not that I didn't have interest in studying and gaining knowledge. I love studying but his and bad teachers in my school did not help in anyway. All they did was ruin me me. Idk who to blame for all this mess I went thru.. Universe/God/Environment /Father /teachers or my destiny... Infact I blamed everyone but it didn't help so I blame myself for being so weak and when I did then I start looking for solutions.
Also I am dying to do something productive but Idk what. All I see is my books but I have no motivation to study and fear based motivation is gone, which is a good thing. But now I have to find interest based motivation. I dont fb, insta anything anymore. I just sit in my room all day, roam around the house and occasionally go out to get stuff. But I do visit this forum 50 times a day. I am just trying to kill time.
Sometimes I wonder what was there to worry about all these years? It did nothing but set me back and ruined my mental physical health along with missing opportunities. Fear, worry, stress didn't do anything and played no role. If only my father would have focused on creating "Interest based motivation" instead of "Fear based" then I would have been in much much better position. But instead my father had issues related to fame and ego. I mean he is pretty successful and graduated from top university in my country but he was so much obsessed with other kids performance,specially neighbours kid or his colleagues kids.. Performing good in class and academic area specially. It not that I didn't have interest in studying and gaining knowledge. I love studying but his and bad teachers in my school did not help in anyway. All they did was ruin me me. Idk who to blame for all this mess I went thru.. Universe/God/Environment /Father /teachers or my destiny... Infact I blamed everyone but it didn't help so I blame myself for being so weak and when I did then I start looking for solutions.
