Overcoming Fear v4

[Ruffian]

   I had no intention of running Overcoming Fear v4, at least not right now. But apparently that is what is happening...


  The Prequel: I have done full runs of Overcoming Fear versions 1, 2, and 3 (I did cut version 2 a couple of weeks short in prep for version 3.) Early this year, as my OF run was coming to a close, Universal Healing had been published. I was intrigued by this title, and bought a copy. Around this same time, however, I was basically sidelined by several medical issues.

  Even so, I kept trying to run UH. I keep a record of my on and off days with a sub on my calendar so I can keep track of my listening cycle. My calendar at this time is littered with attempts to run UH, starting , stopping, no pattern whatsoever. I think it's safe to say that my energy levels at the time were extremely low, my emotional state was out of balance, and my thinking was, shall we say, clouded.

  During this time, Shannon had begun working on OF v4, and posting about his progress. Now, I have had the experience in the past of, while I'm running one sub, a new sub is coming out, and I want to switch (sub-hopping.) And so when the same thing happened with OF v4, I talked myself out of it.

  Now, some people on the forum have been talking about TID from OF v4, and I have experienced it myself in the past before starting a sub. However, in retrospect, I now think the feeling of wanting to switch to OF v4 was TID. It had such an emotional intensity, such a different quality from the other TID, and certainly a whole other feeling from the impulse to sub-hop.

  At this point, though, I decided to keep running UH while my physical/mental/emotional systems had a chance to normalize. And I'm glad I did...

  It was about at this point that I figured that maybe I had been running subs at, what was for me, sub-optimal (get it? LOL!) levels. I reckoned that, even though I had some results with earlier versions of OF, I had been using the wrong format at the wrong volume. So in continuing my use of Universal Healing, I switched from Hybrid to Ultrasonic, and lowered the volume. And what a difference it made.

  I started having dreams right away. The first couple nights, it was just vague surroundings with random people. Night three, I dreamed there was a cooler with beer that was for a special celebration, and a couple people came along and each took a beer. I started after them, saying “hey, put those back,” and the dream ended there. The next night I was somewhere (and all these dreams seem to be outside somehow) and I was supposed to attend a class, but I was in the wrong place. I could see where my class was, and so I started off in that direction, and the dream ended there.

  Both these dreams seemed to be about 'taking an action,' but were not focused on results. And indeed in real life, I saw that they had an “overcome-procrastination-type” effect on me.

  The fifth night, I dreamed I was cleaning up a work area that was outside. There was a wooden fence on one side, and behind it were acres of hunks of rusted metal, weeds, and uprooted dead trees. In my dream, I thought “I should clean that up,” and then immediately realized that, whether it was my stuff, or someone else's stuff, I should not do that, because I would have to cross a boundary (the fence) to do so. (This last dream harks back to a dream I had while running OF v1. In that dream, I was in a concrete courtyard of a school or office building. Police were running all around the courtyard and building, obviously looking for someone. At that point someone from my past walked up to me, and held out a burlap sack, which I knew was filled with bad things. The metaphor here seemed to be that if I willingly took on other people's “stuff,” I'd get in trouble with “the law.” So, another boundary lesson.

  Meanwhile, back at Universal Healing, I had another dream. Pretty much the usual, it's outdoors, stuff going on, and in this one, there was some guy sitting behind a random desk. So I'm just looking around, and when I look back at the desk, the guy is gone. This one was a little more subtle, but as I thought about it upon awakening, I realized that In my dream, just the fact of him sitting behind a desk
had made me assume that the guy was some sort of authority, knew something, was somebody, etc. In other words, how my attitudes, beliefs, etc. create imaginary boundaries.

  Some of you are probably thinking, 'Hey! I thought this was an Overcoming Fear v4 journal! What's going on?'

  Everything is material. Everything leaves a trace, a residue. And everything is connected. You can get a refund if you like.   I'm going to take a little breather before I continue...

[Ruffian]

   When Shannon released OF v4, I immediately went to the product page to read the description. Like other people have mentioned in their OF journals, the inclusion of instructions for “Special Use Cases” really got my attention. I scanned the list to see if any applied to me.


  Nothing on the list really seemed to apply to me. Then I read the line that included Avoidant Personality Disorder, and I was like, “what is that?” I had never heard of it. So I looked up a couple different sites that had definitions and symptoms. Some of the symptoms sounded familiar to me, but the traits/reasons behind the symptoms did not really apply to me much, if at all. I was puzzled...

  Until a couple of nights later. I was going to bed, and a memory from a few years ago popped into my head. It was the final night of a retreat I had attended, and the evening included a nice meal, a little wine, and a celebratory shot with toasts. So I got to chatting with the person seated next to me, who also happened to be a nurse. I don't know what prompted it, but I told her about three similar incidents from my childhood.

  The first incident happened when I was six, because it was the day my mother dropped me off for my first day of kindergarten, (which is already traumatic enough.) My mother was pointing out other children, saying things like 'you remember Tommy' and 'look there's Susie.' But I didn't recognize any of them.

  In a similar vein, I remember walking home from school, and a car pulled up, and someone asked me if I wanted a ride home, and I said no. Now of course the “don't get in a car with strangers' was in play here, but they could have been the next-door neighbors for all I knew, and I didn't recognize them.

  And the third was a birthday party for one of my classmates...A whole room filled with children out of the context in which I knew them – this was agonizing!

  When I finished my stories, the woman/nurse just looked at me and said very matter-of-factly “oh, that's face blindness.” My jaw must have hit the floor! When I got home I looked it up, and it is a neurological disorder, with various causes and symptoms. If that's the case, then OF may help with certain situational fear. But my gut is telling me that this might be trauma-induced (at a very young age) and OF v4 may just be the ticket. I'll keep you posted.

  I did have my first two days of listening on Thursday & Friday, so I'm on my four days off. So far, pretty quiet.

[Ruffian]

  Last night was my first of four nights off (special case usage.) Had a few vague dreams, but nothing remarkable.


  I was thinking of the radical change in the listening pattern required for this generation of subs. Universal Healing at 5.8 G required 8 hours of listening per day on, with 9 days on, and 5 days off. OF v4 at 5.9 G is 2 hours of listening with one day on and three days off for regular use, and 4 hours of listening with two days on and four days off for special case use. What's 6.0 G going to be? “Listen to (1) five-minute loop on the third Wednesday of every other month?! 

[Ruffian]

   I had a couple of things to deal with yesterday, and I arbitrarily started with thing one. Thing one was somewhat time consuming, and required multiple steps. However, once thing one was finished, thing two was magically taken care of also. If I had started with thing two, I could have spent hours going in circles. So, did OF v4 help open up my spidey senses, so that I picked the correct task first?


  Also, there was a very interesting occurrence at work today, involving Sumgai 1, and Sumgai 2. Sumgai 1 is incredibly lazy. He rides around on a little cart for most of his shift, and he seems to like flaunting that fact. Apparently he also likes to find secluded spots in the building, and take naps there.

  I call Sumgai 2 Mr. Passive-aggressive, as he likes to do things like take other people's equipment, undo work that someone else has done, all while no one is watching. Like nobody would notice the tool he has that has someone else's initials on it. Or that all this work was undone when, logistically, he was the only one who could have done it. I pretty much quit talking to him a couple weeks ago, after he ticked me off one too many times...

  Fast forward to today. It was my first day back after a week's vacation, and I had my first round of listening to OF v4 under my belt. I was working, and Sumgai 2 came in to start his shift. He called out a very congenial 'welcome back' when he saw me, and I said good morning to him. I continue working as Sumgai 2 is getting ready to begin his shift. Sumgai 1 comes over, and before I know what happened, Sumgai 1 and Sumgai 2 are going at it hammer and tongs over the little carts (which they both need to use.)

  I suppose it was wrong of me to experience such gleeful delight over this, but I did. And they were apparently oblivious to anybody listening. Sooooo... I have to wonder if at least some of this episode was due to the DRS in OF v4. Because none of their 'stuff' got on me!

  The only other thing of note is that the thought “guard your energy” keeps popping into my head. And I have been pondering that. I see how my reactions, assumptions, attitudes and beliefs take my energy, and separate me from What Is.

[whome]

When I finished my stories, the woman/nurse just looked at me and said very matter-of-factly “oh, that's face blindness.”

Yikes! That’s a hell of a way to get diagnosed with prosopagnosia!

[ncbeareatingman]

Ruffin's quote :
I was thinking of the radical change in the listening pattern required for this generation of subs. Universal Healing at 5.8 G required 8 hours of listening per day on, with 9 days on, and 5 days off. OF v4 at 5.9 G is 2 hours of listening with one day on and three days off for regular use, and 4 hours of listening with two days on and four days off for special case use. What's 6.0 G going to be? “Listen to (1) five-minute loop on the third Wednesday of every other month?! Lol

Me. Dayuumm!! That had Me Laffin my ass off. I swear, the progress on the sub's this year has been amazing. I start my offical journey n OFv4 tomorrow. the TID's , Man ,have been astounding, I Had a big big fear come up today I Mean full strength Fear, it was like some Inflated Balloon, 30 minutes later it was flat and deflated, gone.
Those 30 minutes were full on though,but once 'the fever " broke, I was ok game on, back on track. this sheet is just got to be experienced and felt to truly get it. Im floored already ,after more than a week,believe me of, TID's. Im jazzed about tomorrow's beginning. All the Best Ruffin, keep on Tuffin ! :-)

[Ruffian]

When I finished my stories, the woman/nurse just looked at me and said very matter-of-factly “oh, that's face blindness.”

Yikes! That’s a hell of a way to get diagnosed with prosopagnosia!

  Indeed! As I stated before, I'm hoping that OF v4 can either effect situational fear relief if it is actually face blindness, or 're-wire' the system if it is a trauma-based perceptual dysfunction (as I suspect it is.)

[Ruffian]

... I start my offical journey n OFv4 tomorrow. 

  Glad to hear it, Keith!  Let's rock 'n roll!

[Ruffian]

 I feel good. Really good. I ran my first cycle of loops last Thursday and Friday (special case use) and yesterday was my fourth day off.  So I'll be running my next round of loops tonight and tomorrow.  I have certainly been looking forward to running this next round. Not in a “I'm in a hurry, I want to start now” kind of way, but in a “I have a special activity coming up, and I'm looking forward to it” kind of way.


  After the first round, my body is much more relaxed than usual, as if I had had a massage, or a soak in a hot tub. I'm dreaming at night, but nothing is jumping out as something needing attention. If I get triggered into a reaction, it's not extreme, and I can come back into balance much more quickly.

  OF v4 is smoooooth!

[Z-Man]

 I feel good. Really good. I ran my first cycle of loops last Thursday and Friday (special case use) and yesterday was my fourth day off.  So I'll be running my next round of loops tonight and tomorrow.  I have certainly been looking forward to running this next round. Not in a “I'm in a hurry, I want to start now” kind of way, but in a “I have a special activity coming up, and I'm looking forward to it” kind of way.


  After the first round, my body is much more relaxed than usual, as if I had had a massage, or a soak in a hot tub. I'm dreaming at night, but nothing is jumping out as something needing attention. If I get triggered into a reaction, it's not extreme, and I can come back into balance much more quickly.

  OF v4 is smoooooth!

Hey Ruffian, this is a great journey so far for you. How were those 4 days off? What track are you listening too?

[ncbeareatingman]

Excelelnt question Z-Man. Im using FLAC trickling streams my favorite for any sub, but especially this one. 2day is my second day. Riffian love how DRS is working for ya man. shields up scotty!! Rock in roll.. hell yeah!!

[Ruffian]

/quote]

Hey Ruffian, this is a great journey so far for you. How were those 4 days off? What track are you listening too?
[/quote]

Hey Z-Man, the four days off were... smooth!  I'm listening to the Ultrasonic track.


  I had an interesting experience on my fourth day off. I had an appointment with my dentist to check the site of some surgery I had had done the previous week, just to be sure it was healing properly. I was ushered into an examination room, which was one of three rooms that had been created from one large room by installing divider panels. From my room, I could clearly see another patient waiting in another room who had obviously arrived before me, and I could partially see the room where the dentist was working on another patient.

  So I sat and waited. And waited. And waited. Ten minutes passed, fifteen minutes, twenty. I was getting peeved. I mean, it would only take five minutes for the dentist to check my mouth!

  And then I took a breath and said 'what am I doing?' I didn't have any other appointments after the dentist. I was sitting comfy in the air conditioning. What was my problem?

  So I turned my attention to a painting (well, a print of a painting like you see in professional's offices) and started studying it. I had noticed the painting when I had entered the space, and kind of liked it a bit. But as I studied it, I had a whole different impression. It seemed to me that there was not even one real or one honest brushstroke in the whole painting. It was as if I was perceiving it visually, cognitively, and viscerally, all at the same time.

  Needless to say, my state had definitely changed, and for the better. After a short while, one of the dental assistants/techs came into my room, and confided that the patient that the dentist was working on had arrived for their appointment forty-five minutes late (!!!) and the assistant thought that the dentist should have made them make a new appointment for some future time. So the dental staff, and I'm sure the dentist, weren't happy either. Their schedule had been totally disrupted, with all manner of extra pressure laid at their feet.

  So finally, as I'm talking with this assistant, the dentist, and two other assistants/techs, came into my room. I forget what the original assistant said, but I replied “you should write a song about it, the Dental Blues“. And at this point I started singing, “I got those dental blues baby...” and everybody laughed, and all was right with the world!

[Ruffian]

   Just to keep track, I'm on my second cycle of loops. I ran four loops last night, and will do four more tonight. (Did I mention smooth?)


  Anyway, there's this guy at work who talks a lot. He likes to ramble on about what he has accomplished regarding his work. He likes to orchestrate who's doing what if anybody is off for a day. It's good that he communicates, but this is waaay beyond any normal necessity for communication. He confided to me a while back that his wife has a problem with his talking. He is also wildly inefficient, gets flustered easily, and definitely doesn't like anyone to tell him how to do things. It's gotten to the point that it's so wearing to be around him (even with no direct interaction) that I'm relieved when I don't have to deal with him.

  I have hardly seen him lately. Today I was taking my break in an outdoor break area, and he was walking past a doorway with a view onto this break area. He was looking out the doorway, and I happened to glace over and see him. I gave him a nod of acknowledgement, and he got the strangest look on his face, like he had seen a ghost or something, and he quickly moved off.

  I have got to wonder if this was the Directional Reflective Shield in action. It also made me wonder about the reality of unconscious/subconscious energy vampirism, which would explain a lot about my experiences with him.

[Ruffian]

  I was listening to my loops last night, and an image of all these connections, like wires, appeared in my head.  I'm beginning to see how ubiquitous fear is, and how it lies at the root of much of my avoidance, resistance, and denial.

  Hmmm, let me add apathy and inertia to that...