Transcendent Sith Lord's DMSI 3.3 D Journal

[DarthXedonias]

ok, time for a update and will try to make it brief. Lets just say last night i came face to face with a big subconscious fear of mine: Not having control. Well, after such event I feel like I've healed a lot actually. I know I'm still getting major healing done based on the fact that I've now approached women 3 different times which is something I would have never done before. Its like when they happened there was still some pauses but I would kind of figure out what to say to keep things going. First time is this one chick at Safeway. I know she was giving IOIs because she kept on looking at me discretely then literally, i kid you not, while she was wiping down the glass she did it in such a away that her butt was rubbing against the glass in my direction (didn't look comfortable at all really). Decided to talk to her and get her number. Seemed really receptive but then she mentioned she was married. I left pretty soon and she literally said in a kind of warm way "have a nice day". So, at least she wasn't bitchy about it and took it as a compliment. Only thing I wonder is why she would give that obvious IOI and then proceed to put up the "I'm married" thing? I mean I don't go for married chicks but man.

The second time was earlier today where I opened a woman at the gym. Once against kept on glancing at me and then even moved to a machine a little bit ahead of me so she was in my view. Then she proceeded to changed the weights by bending over with her butt aimed towards me. While on the machine I saw her side glance towards me then I opened her. Got her number but then called and text... no response. So basically got cold feet or something. Other interesting thing that proves I'm getting some healing is the fact that I opened her while two people were working out in the immediate area. Would have never done that before.

Ok, so the last one needs a little background explaining. I noticed she started getting affected one day because I went to order from her restaurant at the mall where I work at. She did the IOI where she saw me, looked down and smiled broadly. With that interaction she kept on trying to keep me talking and when I was away kept on glancing at me. I noticed over the last 3 weeks or so she kept on making conversation and I talked back. Eventually today though after all these IOIs I asked for her number (btw She's Ukrainian). She gives it to me and we setup to hangout and watch a movie on Sunday. I text her later today to make sure I got her number down right. I swear, after all the IOIs she gave its like she did a complete 180. I'm hoping by making this short that hopefully I'm not breaking rule #4 though this is pertinent information to the whole ordeal (Do tell me Ben if its too close then I will edit it immediate). This party will probably get some people who read this angry. I get a text back saying out she can't be with me because "Black people were created by the Devil" so racial mixing is a big no no. Yes, you read that right. After all those IOIs, even to the point of crying one time in front of me about how she didn't have a boyfriend or husband (hint hint) she pulled a complete white supremacy (Not this SJW nonsense "white supremacy" crap these days but actually the real thing).

Ugh, so I'm getting really close healing wise. I'm able notice IOIs, open, and then get numbers. But after that its like there's still that "very little" part of my subconscious that does something that sabotages it or does a complete resistence reversal (Ukrainian chick above). I'm at least happy I've made it this far. Honestly, it feels like all the internals are there (constantly feel confidence, self esteem, etc) but things are still iffy on the external front. I'm obviously noticing IOIs but it feels like I'm getting close to mastering a lot of the internals (I disconnected emotionally from the flakes/rejections) except for there's that one piece of fear that is sabotaging things. I don't know what it is. I'm contemplating switching to B since I've barely ran it and see if I get some break-thru. Until next post see you guys around...