Transcendent Sith Lord's DMSI 3.3 D Journal

[DarthXedonias]

Anyway, I went through with this and got way more than I bargained for. Lets just say what I discovered I wouldn't have ever thought of. Basically, it turns out I had PTSD way before the military, it just became full blown in the military. I think I already explained my school situation. Yeah, apparently I developed minor PTSD after recurring incidents of emotional abuse at school. Also, my theory that originally I wasn't a INTP is correct. I was (and am. More on that in a moment) a SF. Basically, due to this going on it (or myself as a defense mechanism) caused damage to myself by disrupting my :

I don't know if what I'm going to say will help, maybe it can help and other can take responsibility of their problems. We are responsible for what happen to us, not others.

So what I noticed is that people are predisposed to attract certain events in their life, PTSP or other traumatic event isn't something random that happen to one and not to another one.
Someone with good intuitive skill could have guess that those events could have happened to you before they happened. As you were/are probably attracting those events due to your personality.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s941m7CKft4&t=2s
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RczTTZqBSYw

Here is an example of that in this video, he didn't focus on it but according to him the stuff was there before the accident. In my opinion she is the one who triggered the event, her personality, her way of thinking, etc.

When I see your personality with the tools I use, I'm not surprised of what you are experiencing, even the experiment with psychedelics .

It's very interesting to me what you are writing for sure,if you don't mind, could you detail more the major period of your life? What year that PTSP in the military started, when do you think the first traumatic experience started?

I will be glad to answer your questions. First I would like to say there is a lot of truth what you said. There was a study where they found out that prior to people getting PTSD those people already had those parts of their brains (controlling emotions, particulary fear) already smaller than average. In other words they already had the perfect circumstances for them to get PTSD. They just needed an event or several events to happen to "break the camels back" one could say.

As I already said about my home life my mother wasn't really there and I was neglected, so I was left to my own devices really. This left me with a severe lack of social skills and how to deal with people effectively, particularly crappy people. I got sent to a private school in junior high at about age 12. This is where it first started, the constant ridicule and mockery which made me withdraw even further. I realized I had PTSD "lite" at this time because I remembered certain times where I would yell out in my dreams in anger, rage, hatred at the people who were doing this to me. These outbursts are a symptom of PTSD. In the military, within my second year is when the PTSD went full blown when someone I trusted humiliated me in front of lots of people. As far as the first traumatic event, I felt like mines was a combination of events. The stuff I went through in school day after day got me to that point. Along with the critical-ness of my mother at home. I finally just let the fear rule me and so I turned off this part of myself (SF) because of it.

Basically, it was something of my own doing in a way as a kinda of self defense mechanism. PTSD is a self defense mechanism in a way because your in an environment where you feel like its constant "fight or flight". The problem is when you are finally out of that environment (Junior high and high school for me) its not easy to simply turn it off because you have damaged parts of your brain in the process. On a similar note besides healing my brain, I did feel the MHS energy head to my spinal cord and essentially say, "Hey, your not in danger anymore, get out of fight or flight mode". I instantly felt all the muscles in my body relax like they haven't in many, many years. I hope I explained that efficiently.

Darkness- appreciate the response though I highly doubt i'm schizoid. If that were the truth, I think I would feel a lot worst not better. Maybe some dissociation but not much and besides that's already being taken care of. As I said, the idea or blueprint for the INTP is still there but it has no power over anything. My subconscious is basically carefully "mining" it for useful skills at the moment and implementing them. For example, I pondered a question about why had done a certain thing in my life. I instantly went into a very "in the zone" type state and figured out the reasons within 20 seconds. I wasn't even trying it automatically happened. Why? Because it was using both Internal Sensing (through that bridge I mentioned that is like any of my external senses now) and connecting the dots with internal Intuition. Before the traumatic events I'm pretty sure I was an ISFP, and afterwards an INTP. So it has all these functions of ISNTFP and its trying to get them at the right balance so they are working in tangent. After all that is "mined" and implemented correctly, it will toss all the other toxic garbage away.