So I have these patterns coming up again about being still different from home and let's say "out of the house" it fuells my anger by the minute and it takes some efoirt to not just smash a hole in the fucking wall and throw my phone across the fucking room. Im so done with these issues, with these fear actions, responses and 'preserving the peace' which aint peace preservance, but avoidance coping mechanisms amd shit. Crossing over even seems to much. Fuck that shit. Im like a animal in the cage. I feel like a ghost of what I once was. My mission and clarity feels like its down the drain. My whole life feels like going to shit.
Raised my voice today and I almost broke like it unlocked something and released something. I feel far from where I want to be and even from where I was. I feel my heart is torn apart and everything else with it.
Also power demand and respect. I want it. Clarity. Enormous anger issues surface atm.
Fml.
Ps: I feel still like running at times, also, I miss something and I can't even pinpoint it at all, like a gaping hole in my mind/heart, something once was there but my mind/memory throws a blank.
Raised my voice today and I almost broke like it unlocked something and released something. I feel far from where I want to be and even from where I was. I feel my heart is torn apart and everything else with it.
Also power demand and respect. I want it. Clarity. Enormous anger issues surface atm.
Fml.
Ps: I feel still like running at times, also, I miss something and I can't even pinpoint it at all, like a gaping hole in my mind/heart, something once was there but my mind/memory throws a blank.
The trials you encounter will introduce you to your strengths. - epictetus
