Also for past few days I have this feeling that I lack purpose in life. When I was a kid I wanted to study hard, get a good job and all that stuff, but the thing is I always struggled with studies. I dont know why, but I was always like this. People outside my school and class always and still think as if I am some kind of genius.. I really don't know if I am a genius or not.. Who cares what others think. You think that people think that u r a genius and therefore you go thru all kinds of Shit to keep that status and reputation.
I do know that I love studying but I was kind of ADHD type.. I couldn't focus and was easily distracted and due to which I got poor marks in class and failed in many grades and hence all the shame... due to which I stopped socializing and ended up being homeschooled. Which lead me to "Major Depression". My only escape was only Soft porn and masturbation... Although listening to SM-4G twice I overcame my porn addiction but masturbation still remain.I fap to escape problems,But it wasnt helping anymore.
Truth is that on subconscious level I never wanted to face my problems. Never!!.. But consciously I really wanted to.. So I was in state of stress all the time thinking about my future and career. Which stressed me is and to release that stress I fapped... I always knew the pattern but didn't know how to break it.. When I realize it was "fear" which was stopping me,then all the pieces fell together..I felt like I was in a cage..
For the past 15 days I feel as if I am free.. I know it's just a start but I feel free.. From from all the stress and burden,but still I have a long way to go with this sub. Also on day 4 of nofap I had so much energy that I was going out and doing stuff which I have been postponing for like 8 months... But I gain So much energy that sometimes I run out of stuff to do,therefore I need a purpose, a goal in life.
I lack purpose, drive, motivation to pursue my goal and we all know when one isn't motivated by anything his/her cognitive abilities decline... Brain is like "Use it or loose it"..
Also I am loosing interest in online gaming and youtubing, fb and stuff. Its a waste of time. I come to this forum alot cause this is the only place I know where people are willing to improve themselves and their life. I wanna become something.. I wanna find the drive to pursue my life's purpose and this is the first step.
The world has already fucked me up but I won't let that happen anymore. It's time I showed them what I am made off.
I do know that I love studying but I was kind of ADHD type.. I couldn't focus and was easily distracted and due to which I got poor marks in class and failed in many grades and hence all the shame... due to which I stopped socializing and ended up being homeschooled. Which lead me to "Major Depression". My only escape was only Soft porn and masturbation... Although listening to SM-4G twice I overcame my porn addiction but masturbation still remain.I fap to escape problems,But it wasnt helping anymore.
Truth is that on subconscious level I never wanted to face my problems. Never!!.. But consciously I really wanted to.. So I was in state of stress all the time thinking about my future and career. Which stressed me is and to release that stress I fapped... I always knew the pattern but didn't know how to break it.. When I realize it was "fear" which was stopping me,then all the pieces fell together..I felt like I was in a cage..
For the past 15 days I feel as if I am free.. I know it's just a start but I feel free.. From from all the stress and burden,but still I have a long way to go with this sub. Also on day 4 of nofap I had so much energy that I was going out and doing stuff which I have been postponing for like 8 months... But I gain So much energy that sometimes I run out of stuff to do,therefore I need a purpose, a goal in life.
I lack purpose, drive, motivation to pursue my goal and we all know when one isn't motivated by anything his/her cognitive abilities decline... Brain is like "Use it or loose it"..
Also I am loosing interest in online gaming and youtubing, fb and stuff. Its a waste of time. I come to this forum alot cause this is the only place I know where people are willing to improve themselves and their life. I wanna become something.. I wanna find the drive to pursue my life's purpose and this is the first step.
The world has already fucked me up but I won't let that happen anymore. It's time I showed them what I am made off.
