01-07-2017, 06:21 AM
day 23
feeling awesome, centred, alligned with the subliminal, my edge is coming back but I simply DGAf about girls at all. my vision gets more clearer, im more congrugent and more alligned. broke my no fap streak but am sort of slided back to day 5/6 in that regard. my drive is pretty much up again in contrast to my streak. Guilt is non existent after my break. Im stable and solid in that it doesnt phaze me. Being on this journey with solely myself is pretty fulfilling and satisfying to me. The sub takes care of the attraction as far as I am concerned.
Another thing Im coming to terms is, is will. Will, motivation aswell as inspiration, my vision consists of being an continuous force of expression, creating and generating, like a continuous renewal cycle rersulting in full self-supporting, solely from my own core and being. I just have a habit going on around "not sticking to to it"or "it doesnt stick", as if "forgetting"/dissociating from it again. My past has been revolved around since I was in my late teens/early 20's around buddhism, zen and meditation, which royally fucked me up back then from what I believe, pretty much existential stuff and finding solitude in isolation, because before that, I was a social butterfly, and had lots of connections naturally. I feel im still dealing with the aftermath as to date.
Now, my core is golden, there is so much potential for me, which makes it all right, and when this is unleashed, my succes will be 100%. the time GSF has build up in those years seem to be pretty much. Life is freaking amazing, an huge shift has taken place in that area, and can't even begin to understand how that was life, countless doors open left right and in front of me, life is a trip, a thrill, fearless. I threw the towel in the ring and went all passive. now, this stuff is irrelevant now as life is anew thanks to the sub. ecstatic to know how much potential, force, power and strength I have.
revisting also the fringes once again in the more antisocial corner, narcissism , all with a smirk on my face, a devilish grin indulging and bursting any morals and beliefs surrounding it. hate me, IDC, embrace narcissism. another cycle and phase.
Bringing my skills and creativity into prace, releasing content and stuff, the gap is closing.
opening people is easy. I start conversations more easily and people seem to stand more in my space aswell, closer to me. Its not my source in those reactions of awkwardness, I tend to somewhat pull it to myself, makign me more self conscious. all experiences aare reference experiences, there is only win win in it, yet notice im still getting slightly triggered at times, depending on my state of mind and frame, also which I can trace back to deep changes that took place when I went to the deep end in meditation and enlightenment stuff.
Confusing to go back to that memory.
addictions become something more alien, which means stripping away. It's no longer "me".
feeling awesome, centred, alligned with the subliminal, my edge is coming back but I simply DGAf about girls at all. my vision gets more clearer, im more congrugent and more alligned. broke my no fap streak but am sort of slided back to day 5/6 in that regard. my drive is pretty much up again in contrast to my streak. Guilt is non existent after my break. Im stable and solid in that it doesnt phaze me. Being on this journey with solely myself is pretty fulfilling and satisfying to me. The sub takes care of the attraction as far as I am concerned.
Another thing Im coming to terms is, is will. Will, motivation aswell as inspiration, my vision consists of being an continuous force of expression, creating and generating, like a continuous renewal cycle rersulting in full self-supporting, solely from my own core and being. I just have a habit going on around "not sticking to to it"or "it doesnt stick", as if "forgetting"/dissociating from it again. My past has been revolved around since I was in my late teens/early 20's around buddhism, zen and meditation, which royally fucked me up back then from what I believe, pretty much existential stuff and finding solitude in isolation, because before that, I was a social butterfly, and had lots of connections naturally. I feel im still dealing with the aftermath as to date.
Now, my core is golden, there is so much potential for me, which makes it all right, and when this is unleashed, my succes will be 100%. the time GSF has build up in those years seem to be pretty much. Life is freaking amazing, an huge shift has taken place in that area, and can't even begin to understand how that was life, countless doors open left right and in front of me, life is a trip, a thrill, fearless. I threw the towel in the ring and went all passive. now, this stuff is irrelevant now as life is anew thanks to the sub. ecstatic to know how much potential, force, power and strength I have.
revisting also the fringes once again in the more antisocial corner, narcissism , all with a smirk on my face, a devilish grin indulging and bursting any morals and beliefs surrounding it. hate me, IDC, embrace narcissism. another cycle and phase.
Bringing my skills and creativity into prace, releasing content and stuff, the gap is closing.
opening people is easy. I start conversations more easily and people seem to stand more in my space aswell, closer to me. Its not my source in those reactions of awkwardness, I tend to somewhat pull it to myself, makign me more self conscious. all experiences aare reference experiences, there is only win win in it, yet notice im still getting slightly triggered at times, depending on my state of mind and frame, also which I can trace back to deep changes that took place when I went to the deep end in meditation and enlightenment stuff.
Confusing to go back to that memory.
addictions become something more alien, which means stripping away. It's no longer "me".
The trials you encounter will introduce you to your strengths. - epictetus
