Reading other E2 journals, it seems like unhappiness only happens in short bouts for most. I can say on my end I'm either experiencing unhappiness, bouts of extreme boredom, or feeling numb (from high hours). Out of those 3 I prefer feeling numb.
But I really need to get back to my happy state. I'm so use to my creativity coming from that happy, euphoric place. It comes from there or from the dark place of anger and hate. I'm working on some projects for class that I started in my usual happy state a while back, but am having problems working on them in my current state of boredom and feeling stuck.
I'm really considering going to DMSI sooner than planned. Mainly because it has the newest tech and healing in it. I feel like I'm making the decision from a logical standpoint instead of trying to just get off E2. Yes, E2 is boring as hell and DMSI sounds exciting as ever, but it's getting more difficult to function as a result of E2. It's not going fast enough/at a rate or rhythm appropriate for my life. I need my creativity on a daily basis pretty much. It's essential to my major and more importantly my enjoyment of life. At first it seemed E2 was helping me express more creativity, but since I've been back on campus and being "triggered", it seems to elude me more often now.
I'll give E2 some more time. I really want to make this decision from a place of feeling good instead of how I do now, but since being on campus I have a hard time being "happy" for even a day. Something seems to trigger me as soon as I'm starting to feel better (teachers pissing me off, not getting attention from girls, too much homework, not able to hang out with people, no time to just lay down when I'm tired).
I just want things to get better, stay that way, and continue to progress. I don't want to regress.
Just the other day I wrote down what my ideal life would be like (had the urge). And it's exactly the same as what I wrote down a year ago. Awesome acting career, freedom to travel the world, money's never a concern, plenty of girls wherever I go, awesome group of friends that I can hang and grow with.
Anyway, I'm going to continue with E2 for the time being. Right now I'm doing 6 hours during the week and as many hours as possible on the weekend.
Off Topic:
Did a personality test online. Last time I did it, I was ENTP. I didn't really know the answers to some questions did it again and I'm a mix of the following three
ENFP- The Champion
ENTJ - The Commander
ENTP - The Visonary
Mainly I'm a mix of ENTP and ENFP.
But I really need to get back to my happy state. I'm so use to my creativity coming from that happy, euphoric place. It comes from there or from the dark place of anger and hate. I'm working on some projects for class that I started in my usual happy state a while back, but am having problems working on them in my current state of boredom and feeling stuck.
I'm really considering going to DMSI sooner than planned. Mainly because it has the newest tech and healing in it. I feel like I'm making the decision from a logical standpoint instead of trying to just get off E2. Yes, E2 is boring as hell and DMSI sounds exciting as ever, but it's getting more difficult to function as a result of E2. It's not going fast enough/at a rate or rhythm appropriate for my life. I need my creativity on a daily basis pretty much. It's essential to my major and more importantly my enjoyment of life. At first it seemed E2 was helping me express more creativity, but since I've been back on campus and being "triggered", it seems to elude me more often now.
I'll give E2 some more time. I really want to make this decision from a place of feeling good instead of how I do now, but since being on campus I have a hard time being "happy" for even a day. Something seems to trigger me as soon as I'm starting to feel better (teachers pissing me off, not getting attention from girls, too much homework, not able to hang out with people, no time to just lay down when I'm tired).
I just want things to get better, stay that way, and continue to progress. I don't want to regress.
Just the other day I wrote down what my ideal life would be like (had the urge). And it's exactly the same as what I wrote down a year ago. Awesome acting career, freedom to travel the world, money's never a concern, plenty of girls wherever I go, awesome group of friends that I can hang and grow with.
Anyway, I'm going to continue with E2 for the time being. Right now I'm doing 6 hours during the week and as many hours as possible on the weekend.
Off Topic:
Did a personality test online. Last time I did it, I was ENTP. I didn't really know the answers to some questions did it again and I'm a mix of the following three
ENFP- The Champion
ENTJ - The Commander
ENTP - The Visonary
Mainly I'm a mix of ENTP and ENFP.
