09-04-2016, 06:08 AM
Thanks for the kind words, guys. I'm not going anywhere... at least not by my own will. Too much to live for to throw it all away over some bad fee-fees regarding women. That being said, this has been a very trying week emotionally. I'm really bad at evaluating my emotions, so I'm not quite sure about the interaction between v2.3 and me having a crush. This isn't the first time I've had crushes and I've NEVER experienced psycho-emotional pain on this level.
Shannon gave some really good advice about how to approach #3 that I'm actually going to take. I know a lot of guys will think that's "beta" advice, but there's a certain way you have to deliver what he said that makes it "alpha." On another note, I'm starting to hate this alpha / beta dichotomy that exists. Seems like it's more of a continuum, with the ideal mate being a man with a good mixture of "alpha" and "beta" traits. I decided that I'm going to stop worrying about being alpha and just start living -- making decisions that push my life's mission ahead, regardless of the "alphaness."
Odd thing about this resistance -- I think it goes deeper than my attraction to #3. Last night, I realized that I haven't been eating properly, so I ate a huge meal to fuel the aura. Received IMMEDIATE relief from the resistance. Got a bit euphoric, headache subsided, mood improved. Was still a little "down" on the inside, but at least I could function. Anyway, as soon as the aura started kicking in, I began to have the abundance mentality / outcome independence again. Kinda like, "it'd be nice if something happened, but if not... you'll get another chance." Leads me to believe that resistance is being caused not just by emotional intimacy issues, but also something with initiating sex and the things that go with it (self-image, self-esteem). And THAT leads me to believe that I have PHYSICAL INTIMACY issues too! And that's mind-blowing, because I've never really had a problem being physical. That is... on the surface...
Dawned on me that when I have casual sex, I tend to ingest ridiculous of Viagra. I've always told myself that it just made the whole process easier (as an INTP, my mind will wander -- QUICK) and a lot more fun, but now I'm wondering if that's a crutch for some deeper issue. I'm also realizing that I actually tend to resist women's overt sexual advances before "giving in." Hunting for me is acting crazy alpha, getting women attracted, and then making them damn near beg before I give in... and half the time, I don't even feel like f*cking.
There's a clusterfuck of issues going on in my head that I'm going to get resolved. I've been following a particular cycle... the same one that Shannon's excited about, and from what I've been researching, it's spot on. While his involves his work and personal accomplishments, this cycle affects me on a profoundly deep, personal level -- particularly, issues I apparently inherited from my mother. I've tried my absolute best to work with this cycle and against, and that's why I'm going to continue with DMSI v2.4. While my business is very important, I'm making enough to live and expand. Switching paths now, fighting against the cycle, wouldn't be wise.
That is, until October, where a breakthrough is supposed to happen...
Shannon gave some really good advice about how to approach #3 that I'm actually going to take. I know a lot of guys will think that's "beta" advice, but there's a certain way you have to deliver what he said that makes it "alpha." On another note, I'm starting to hate this alpha / beta dichotomy that exists. Seems like it's more of a continuum, with the ideal mate being a man with a good mixture of "alpha" and "beta" traits. I decided that I'm going to stop worrying about being alpha and just start living -- making decisions that push my life's mission ahead, regardless of the "alphaness."
Odd thing about this resistance -- I think it goes deeper than my attraction to #3. Last night, I realized that I haven't been eating properly, so I ate a huge meal to fuel the aura. Received IMMEDIATE relief from the resistance. Got a bit euphoric, headache subsided, mood improved. Was still a little "down" on the inside, but at least I could function. Anyway, as soon as the aura started kicking in, I began to have the abundance mentality / outcome independence again. Kinda like, "it'd be nice if something happened, but if not... you'll get another chance." Leads me to believe that resistance is being caused not just by emotional intimacy issues, but also something with initiating sex and the things that go with it (self-image, self-esteem). And THAT leads me to believe that I have PHYSICAL INTIMACY issues too! And that's mind-blowing, because I've never really had a problem being physical. That is... on the surface...
Dawned on me that when I have casual sex, I tend to ingest ridiculous of Viagra. I've always told myself that it just made the whole process easier (as an INTP, my mind will wander -- QUICK) and a lot more fun, but now I'm wondering if that's a crutch for some deeper issue. I'm also realizing that I actually tend to resist women's overt sexual advances before "giving in." Hunting for me is acting crazy alpha, getting women attracted, and then making them damn near beg before I give in... and half the time, I don't even feel like f*cking.
There's a clusterfuck of issues going on in my head that I'm going to get resolved. I've been following a particular cycle... the same one that Shannon's excited about, and from what I've been researching, it's spot on. While his involves his work and personal accomplishments, this cycle affects me on a profoundly deep, personal level -- particularly, issues I apparently inherited from my mother. I've tried my absolute best to work with this cycle and against, and that's why I'm going to continue with DMSI v2.4. While my business is very important, I'm making enough to live and expand. Switching paths now, fighting against the cycle, wouldn't be wise.
That is, until October, where a breakthrough is supposed to happen...
