09-03-2016, 03:14 PM
Just got back from watching "Hell or High Water" in the theaters (great movie). I actually left my earbuds in and listened to DMSI, lol. Did one loop earlier, two loops during the movie. Was gonna try to do another, but it was getting unbearable to listen to. Massive headache. Sinuses are tight. Depression and anxiety are off the charts.
At first, I thought this was some kind of neediness surfacing, a "what if she doesn't like me," type of thing. While that thought has crossed my mind (I keep playing opportunities last night where I could've pushed harder over and over in my head), I realize that my post-AM6 abundance mentality of "whatever, there'll be others" is taking precedence.
This is the first time I've been out on a date with someone I really liked -- it can't be coincedence that this resistance is surfacing now. I'm inclined to agree with RTBoss and Sarge's ideas, that this is all rooted in fear: fear of rejection, fear of being hurt by someone close again, etc.
It's crazy -- this resistance is worse than what I got from mixing AM6 and DMSI. That was more "subconscious turbulence." This is like... I was driving home from the theater and wondered if anyone would miss me if I drove my car into the opposing lane. Was taking risky turns, having crazy thoughts about being alone forever. If v2.4 isn't finished by tonight, I'm switching to v2.2.
At first, I thought this was some kind of neediness surfacing, a "what if she doesn't like me," type of thing. While that thought has crossed my mind (I keep playing opportunities last night where I could've pushed harder over and over in my head), I realize that my post-AM6 abundance mentality of "whatever, there'll be others" is taking precedence.
This is the first time I've been out on a date with someone I really liked -- it can't be coincedence that this resistance is surfacing now. I'm inclined to agree with RTBoss and Sarge's ideas, that this is all rooted in fear: fear of rejection, fear of being hurt by someone close again, etc.
It's crazy -- this resistance is worse than what I got from mixing AM6 and DMSI. That was more "subconscious turbulence." This is like... I was driving home from the theater and wondered if anyone would miss me if I drove my car into the opposing lane. Was taking risky turns, having crazy thoughts about being alone forever. If v2.4 isn't finished by tonight, I'm switching to v2.2.
