05-23-2016, 01:27 AM
DAY 18
I swapped from listening via headphones when I sleep which was really uncomfortable to setting up a pair of speakers either side of my head in bed. Now I wake up and my brain feels fatigued, this didn't happen with headphones, but my results seem to have shot up dramatically.
Having high self-esteem is something I've found really elusive before. I can imitate an alpha and for a while I can put myself in the mindset of one and convince other people I am one, but I've never fully BEEN it before. It's always been an act.
This sub has helped me realize what having self-esteem is actually like. I wake up and it feels like there's permanent sunshine on my body. My mood is always high. The depressive stuff I went through was resistance, and now it's dissolved I can't believe how good I feel now.
This weekend I went to a club with some friends and at one point quite late on, everyone's drunk, the musics blaring, its strobe lighting, people are dancing and I stood and realized: this isn't actually fun. I don't want to be here right now. And I didn't bother hiding the fact I felt miserable, I didn't care what anyone thought.
Then weird enough, a girl out of nowhere grabbed me and kissed me. Forcibly, she was okay looking but it wasn't enjoyable and I pushed her off. If a guy did that to a girl he'd be kicked out and possibly arrested, but I didn't care that much to make a fuss about it.
This has happened once before to me in a club (kiss raped) about 3 years ago now. Both times, I've been stood watching everybody and having a deep insight. The first time I was watching my friends dance at university and felt a deep rush of love and warmth, feeling lucky to have such a great group of people to hang around with, when a girl grabbed me and her friends had to pull her away. This time I felt a rush of "Is this all there is?" deep insight when this girl did it.
So yeah, weird. Not sure what to make of it.
Really enjoying the sub though, I hope the AOS in 5G isn't released too soon because the temptation to swap will be high and I want to stick with this sub for a long time.
I swapped from listening via headphones when I sleep which was really uncomfortable to setting up a pair of speakers either side of my head in bed. Now I wake up and my brain feels fatigued, this didn't happen with headphones, but my results seem to have shot up dramatically.
Having high self-esteem is something I've found really elusive before. I can imitate an alpha and for a while I can put myself in the mindset of one and convince other people I am one, but I've never fully BEEN it before. It's always been an act.
This sub has helped me realize what having self-esteem is actually like. I wake up and it feels like there's permanent sunshine on my body. My mood is always high. The depressive stuff I went through was resistance, and now it's dissolved I can't believe how good I feel now.
This weekend I went to a club with some friends and at one point quite late on, everyone's drunk, the musics blaring, its strobe lighting, people are dancing and I stood and realized: this isn't actually fun. I don't want to be here right now. And I didn't bother hiding the fact I felt miserable, I didn't care what anyone thought.
Then weird enough, a girl out of nowhere grabbed me and kissed me. Forcibly, she was okay looking but it wasn't enjoyable and I pushed her off. If a guy did that to a girl he'd be kicked out and possibly arrested, but I didn't care that much to make a fuss about it.
This has happened once before to me in a club (kiss raped) about 3 years ago now. Both times, I've been stood watching everybody and having a deep insight. The first time I was watching my friends dance at university and felt a deep rush of love and warmth, feeling lucky to have such a great group of people to hang around with, when a girl grabbed me and her friends had to pull her away. This time I felt a rush of "Is this all there is?" deep insight when this girl did it.
So yeah, weird. Not sure what to make of it.
Really enjoying the sub though, I hope the AOS in 5G isn't released too soon because the temptation to swap will be high and I want to stick with this sub for a long time.
