Day 71
So, I've been meaning to update, might as well do it now. I have a ton of things to report, but.. it really is hard to pin myself down for this. I do enjoy reading all you guys progress in here, and I've been sending some pm's when I feel like it.
+Been continuing the little daily habits, like dumbbell ex. + jogging, reading 10 pages, etc.
+I'm at 80% of Ask and you're given, which is about the law of attraction. Almost quit early, because the first halv felt like its pushing a religion on me, but the practices are really good. I'm very much learning to consciously choose positive thoughts, ones that make me feel really good. Maybe this will "attract" similar-feeling things to me, maybe not, but it definitely helps ME seek and act out things that lead to more of those feelings. And really, just feeling good should be regarded as a great thing, since a lot of activities and goals we have, we have with the aim of feeling good after/through them.
+With the above, 1 or 2 weeks ago I had a significant experience. I was already feeling good, and I purposefully really focused on all kinds of good things, and especially the way I'd feel if I was in that reality right then. Pride, joy, connection, stuff like that. I did this for many hours, at home, shopping, and such. In the end I was laying on my bed, feeling ecstatic and had all kinds of urges to get up, eat, watch tv, anything because I felt so good I really didn't know what to do with it - I was twitching to distract myself. But I didn't, and just let it grow beyond what I could contain. Cried for about 2.5 hours because I felt so much joy, lol. I felt like I found this fierce joy inside that I couldn't even remember losing at some point along the way. There was maybe a second or two where I felt this weird shift, like the direction of my life changed and I moved onto a different floor of a building blueprint, reorienting myself; it was like with the way I was feeling and thinking now, it was impossible for my life to continue down the path it had been going before. I'm just describing what I felt, I know it sounds messed up. A shift in perception we'll call it. After I was done, I was like "what now" for the rest of the night and for some of the next day. I was waiting sure I'd be forgetting the whole thing in days, but that joy has been accessible ever since then; I know its there and I can make it stronger if I sort of gradually aim for feeling it through visualizing what I want happening etc.
+Took up concentration meditation. I tried a little in the past, but am now more convinced of the benefits. I posted on this briefly in Raz's BASE journal. I'm doing one or two 30 min sessions daily, up to four. Then as I can keep my focus better, my ability to visualize and choose better-feeling thoughts is improved, which improves basically everything. Also, problem solving, eye contact, etc are improved with prolonged focus, and maybe with enough practice you can get into the jhanic states with bliss and such additional effects. Btw, whereas with tapping were focusing on, and looking for, what we don't want and releasing that; with this type of positive visualizing I'm focusing on, and looking for, what I do want. I'll start yawning and relaxing - its releasing resistance. Both of these focuses become a habit, I've experienced. You encounter a hot woman on the street, which habit do you want playing: a) "what's wrong with me, where do I feel tense? I need to mark it down so I can tap on it later", or b) "How would I feel if I looked her in the eye and we had this strong, open, sexual connection? Strong, loving, valued, expressive, joyful, playful, giving, ..."?
+I've been (slightly) wanting to get a new job for years. Also been (slightly) wanting to move to a bigger city for years. About a month ago I really kicked the process of it started, and I now have a really good job that'll move me forward, and I'll be moving to a bigger city - uprooting myself from most of what I have here. In a way this would've been easier on e.g. AM with the focus of "I'll do what I want and I won't be asking any questions from anyone", but now that I'm more inclusive of people close to me, I'm also more sensitive of both their uplifting support, and being brought down a bit because some are (initially) really focused their loss or point of view on the subject and almost trying to put that guilt on me. But in total the input has been really positive and I'm so happy I have such enthusiastic support from people close to me.
+Obsession with subs has reduced. I'm not that worried about how many hours I'm getting anymore, and I also find wearing head phones all the time uncomfortable, so I'll often just play US through the speakers nowadays. I am still pondering about switching subs, because in some way I feel "done" with E2. Though I know there's really a long way to go, but its like I've landed on a new level or something. I am a little hesitant of switching to ASC 6G or even AM6, because I think a too-sudden jump in confidence (aggression), or a sudden withdrawal from caring about anyone and anything else (money, good relations), might negatively impact my success on the new job.
+One note has been that whenever I'll have a really good day, then the next day or three will be total shit. Its oddly consistent and a bit discouraging, though I am starting to expect it now. But on average the slope is upwards.
See, this is why I don't post. Don't even want to admit how it took me write this.
So, I've been meaning to update, might as well do it now. I have a ton of things to report, but.. it really is hard to pin myself down for this. I do enjoy reading all you guys progress in here, and I've been sending some pm's when I feel like it.
+Been continuing the little daily habits, like dumbbell ex. + jogging, reading 10 pages, etc.
+I'm at 80% of Ask and you're given, which is about the law of attraction. Almost quit early, because the first halv felt like its pushing a religion on me, but the practices are really good. I'm very much learning to consciously choose positive thoughts, ones that make me feel really good. Maybe this will "attract" similar-feeling things to me, maybe not, but it definitely helps ME seek and act out things that lead to more of those feelings. And really, just feeling good should be regarded as a great thing, since a lot of activities and goals we have, we have with the aim of feeling good after/through them.
+With the above, 1 or 2 weeks ago I had a significant experience. I was already feeling good, and I purposefully really focused on all kinds of good things, and especially the way I'd feel if I was in that reality right then. Pride, joy, connection, stuff like that. I did this for many hours, at home, shopping, and such. In the end I was laying on my bed, feeling ecstatic and had all kinds of urges to get up, eat, watch tv, anything because I felt so good I really didn't know what to do with it - I was twitching to distract myself. But I didn't, and just let it grow beyond what I could contain. Cried for about 2.5 hours because I felt so much joy, lol. I felt like I found this fierce joy inside that I couldn't even remember losing at some point along the way. There was maybe a second or two where I felt this weird shift, like the direction of my life changed and I moved onto a different floor of a building blueprint, reorienting myself; it was like with the way I was feeling and thinking now, it was impossible for my life to continue down the path it had been going before. I'm just describing what I felt, I know it sounds messed up. A shift in perception we'll call it. After I was done, I was like "what now" for the rest of the night and for some of the next day. I was waiting sure I'd be forgetting the whole thing in days, but that joy has been accessible ever since then; I know its there and I can make it stronger if I sort of gradually aim for feeling it through visualizing what I want happening etc.
+Took up concentration meditation. I tried a little in the past, but am now more convinced of the benefits. I posted on this briefly in Raz's BASE journal. I'm doing one or two 30 min sessions daily, up to four. Then as I can keep my focus better, my ability to visualize and choose better-feeling thoughts is improved, which improves basically everything. Also, problem solving, eye contact, etc are improved with prolonged focus, and maybe with enough practice you can get into the jhanic states with bliss and such additional effects. Btw, whereas with tapping were focusing on, and looking for, what we don't want and releasing that; with this type of positive visualizing I'm focusing on, and looking for, what I do want. I'll start yawning and relaxing - its releasing resistance. Both of these focuses become a habit, I've experienced. You encounter a hot woman on the street, which habit do you want playing: a) "what's wrong with me, where do I feel tense? I need to mark it down so I can tap on it later", or b) "How would I feel if I looked her in the eye and we had this strong, open, sexual connection? Strong, loving, valued, expressive, joyful, playful, giving, ..."?
+I've been (slightly) wanting to get a new job for years. Also been (slightly) wanting to move to a bigger city for years. About a month ago I really kicked the process of it started, and I now have a really good job that'll move me forward, and I'll be moving to a bigger city - uprooting myself from most of what I have here. In a way this would've been easier on e.g. AM with the focus of "I'll do what I want and I won't be asking any questions from anyone", but now that I'm more inclusive of people close to me, I'm also more sensitive of both their uplifting support, and being brought down a bit because some are (initially) really focused their loss or point of view on the subject and almost trying to put that guilt on me. But in total the input has been really positive and I'm so happy I have such enthusiastic support from people close to me.
+Obsession with subs has reduced. I'm not that worried about how many hours I'm getting anymore, and I also find wearing head phones all the time uncomfortable, so I'll often just play US through the speakers nowadays. I am still pondering about switching subs, because in some way I feel "done" with E2. Though I know there's really a long way to go, but its like I've landed on a new level or something. I am a little hesitant of switching to ASC 6G or even AM6, because I think a too-sudden jump in confidence (aggression), or a sudden withdrawal from caring about anyone and anything else (money, good relations), might negatively impact my success on the new job.
+One note has been that whenever I'll have a really good day, then the next day or three will be total shit. Its oddly consistent and a bit discouraging, though I am starting to expect it now. But on average the slope is upwards.
See, this is why I don't post. Don't even want to admit how it took me write this.
Thoughts, opinions and beliefs subject to change without prior notice.