OGSF; Neutrino Bomb

[Chris P. Bacon]

So since my last update on Maverick, I realized that I was not quite ready for it. As the effects of OFv4 faded out I found myself stuck in a mire of fear. It gnawed at my guts the most and really put me in a difficult state. Not only that, but some health issues started to come up that could not be ignored as they would only get worse. With that in mind, I decided to stop Mav and run OPH, which helped a bit but didn't quite resolve my issues. I'm now in a good place as I have found some things which help and my issues are getting better day by day. OPH's pain reduction element helped quite a bit throughout the whole scenario even if it didn't really get at the root of the issues healthwise.

Now on to why I'm starting this journal. Saturday night I had a dream, a profoundly symbolic dream. I don't remember my dreams much but I remember this one, vividly. My dream conscious state was similar to waking and I remember the details pretty well.
In my opinion, this dream is the beginning of TID from the new OGSF. I may be wrong as I don't know when Shannon will release it.
The dream is as follows. I was in a Minecraft-like world. the terrain was voxel in nature but realistic at the same time. Kind of like having a good shader pack installed. I was going about doing random tasks when I went into what seemed like a gathering place for people and as I went in, Pennywise was standing there looking at me. His body was turned forward as he was in queue for something but his head was turned towards me. I thought to myself "I need to get out of here" and left.
I went underground mining "minerals" as one would in Minecraft. This action was a blatant attempt to avoid the concerning Pennywise in the foyer of the meeting place.

While mining all of a sudden I knew something big was going to explode on the surface. The thought "neutrino bomb" came to me and I proceeded to mine deep into the ground to the "core" of the world. When the neutrino bomb hit it exploded and vaporized all the ground from the "surface" down to the "core" and left a deep and vast gouge in the earth. When I went to inspect the damage it was huge. I can remember the feeling of seeing the vast destruction this event left. It's that feeling of dreadful awe that causes you to just stand there, unable to take in all of the information in front of you. I had that feeling once when seeing a tornado about 6 miles from my house. It's a familiar feeling to those who know it.

while taking the gravity of the situation and just standing there awestruck in my dream I remember saying to myself " I can't get away from this"; end of the dream.

Interestingly enough, I did not know what a neutrino bomb was and actually had to look it up. This is not the first time I've heard words come from the depths of me and had to look them up, but it has never happened in a dream. I do not yet fully understand neutrinos but the concept of a neutrino bomb is rather odd. Also, I've never watched Rick and Morty which has a neutrino bomb in one of the episodes.

Also interesting, I had zero fear during this dream. This could have been a nightmare but wasn't. No emotional reaction to this dream and when I woke up my mental state was the same as the dream. Trippy.
I think OGSF might be the neutrino bomb, the terrain my levels of consciousness, and the core, like the core of any human, a mystery still.

Since Sunday my mood has been better and I have more energy since the trio of guilt, shame, and fear aren't sucking up my mental bandwidth. More clarity of thought and action. My intuition is also better and I've been able to stop some mistakes at work and correct them before they became a bigger issue.

If this is TID from OGSF this is very exciting indeed. I'll post more if I notice it.

[Ruffian]

When the neutrino bomb hit it exploded and vaporized all the ground from the "surface" down to the "core" and left a deep and vast gouge in the earth.

"Riven, from the ceiling to the floor
from the surface to the core
Everything's exposed...."

Stanza from a song written primarily by my subconscious...

[Chris P. Bacon]

When the neutrino bomb hit it exploded and vaporized all the ground from the "surface" down to the "core" and left a deep and vast gouge in the earth.

"Riven, from the ceiling to the floor
from the surface to the core
Everything's exposed...."

Stanza from a song written primarily by my subconscious...

Interesting!

How do you write songs with your subconscious?

[Ruffian]

"How do you write songs with your subconscious?"

 I'm going to say pretty much in the same way that your subconscious has painted this cool TID picture in your dream of running OGSF. Pennywise, the part of you that is 'in queue to get something' seems like the part of you that wants to maintain your inner “status quo.” The part that wants the change realizes “I need to get out of here.” (So simple and direct!)
  In addition to avoiding Pennywise, the reason behind “mining for minerals” may be just that: unearthing the hidden gems within yourself.
  I also had to lookup 'neutrino bomb.' What I found seemed to indicate that such a bomb might not seem to do anything, but it can irradiate everything. I can only speculate that this may be akin to a situation where nothing seems to have changed, but you're living in a totally different world.

[Chris P. Bacon]

"How do you write songs with your subconscious?"

 I'm going to say pretty much in the same way that your subconscious has painted this cool TID picture in your dream of running OGSF. Pennywise, the part of you that is 'in queue to get something' seems like the part of you that wants to maintain your inner “status quo.” The part that wants the change realizes “I need to get out of here.” (So simple and direct!)
  In addition to avoiding Pennywise, the reason behind “mining for minerals” may be just that: unearthing the hidden gems within yourself.
  I also had to lookup 'neutrino bomb.' What I found seemed to indicate that such a bomb might not seem to do anything, but it can irradiate everything. I can only speculate that this may be akin to a situation where nothing seems to have changed, but you're living in a totally different world.

An interesting perspective. I will mull over what you said.

[Chris P. Bacon]

TID is happening.

Last night I walked through a jumble of all 3 emotions surrounding a recent event in my life. There was a bit of build up internally to this point, I could feel some guilt, shame, and fear showing up over the weekend and I couldn't avoid it. Feeling pretty good on the other side of it.

As a sidenote; I'm not sure why I thought addressing only fear was a solid plan. Guilt, shame, and fear run around like a cadre more often than I realized and they "resonate" with each other to create quite the stew of emotions.

Looking forward to running this sub.

[Chris P. Bacon]

As OGSF is now out I'll be taking a few days to let OPH fade out and will start OGSF. I think I was experiencing some TID Friday morning but this sub is smooth, as is all 5.11G

Excited to run it.

[Shannon]

Looking forward to seeing your experience of it.

[Chris P. Bacon]

Looking forward to seeing your experience of it. 

Me too!

Definitely experiencing TID today. Work was smooth as my thoughts and actions were streamlined due to less emotional chatter. You really don't realize how much you are carrying around with you until it isn't there.

Bought OGSF when I got home and started my first loop. It's reeeaaaaalllly hard to tell that I'm playing a sub. I can feel a faint sensation in my stomach area and that's about it. No boot-up of the grounding shield but I couldn't feel it on OPH either. 

It might take more time for OPH to fade out some more but it might just be that OGSF is that smooth, and that's a good thing. I'm pretty sure my subconscious has sabotaged my results before by noticing what's going on and trying to counteract it. It did on OPH as my first week was good but results definitely reduced after that.

It's nice to see the detox module in OGSF. I particularly enjoy that one especially the physical detox part of it.

This sub is subtle I'll have to report as I notice changes but I think this is going to be a grand thing for me.

1st loop in the books.

[Chris P. Bacon]

Woke up for a little bit and just felt a sadness about all the things that were not taught to me by my parents and how that has hindered certain parts of my life. Didn't last long and went back to bed. 

OGSF is definitely working on some stuff.

The detox module is working well. 

Feeling pretty good overall.

[Chris P. Bacon]

The first 2 days on OGSFv2 were rough. Not as bad as some subs before it, but rough all the same.

Today I seemed to have gotten over the hump. Feeling very good today and pretty happy to boot!

As far as observable changes go I'm a lot more confident in my actions and my mood is very good. This sub is smooth.

For the last 2 days I'd write up a journal entry and then delete it. It felt like every time I would try to verbalize what was going on I would find that it was like trying to put your finger on something you thought was solid only to find that it would evaporate into smoke. The under the hood going ons of OGSFv2 are just that, under the hood. Moreso than any other sub I have ran to date I find myself at a bit of a loss as to exactly whats going on.

However, change is still happening and as the run unfolds I'm sure the finished product of processed fears will be revealed.

[Chris P. Bacon]

Emotions are a tad tumultuous on OGSFv2. While on OPH my mood really stabilized and was pretty good. Now emotions can be a little all over the place.

Heart rate and anxiety are down a fair bit and that's always a good thing.

On a very positive note. I was able to physically relax in bed a last night. A lot of times I use some type of aid to get me to sleep, mostly clonidine, progesterone, or cyproheptaidne because I've been unable to really relax into sleep for quite a few years now. Last night however, I could feel my body relaxing and belly breathing on its own without any conscious intention on my part. That's kind of exciting for me and I hope it continues.

OGSFv2 still feels very subtle and I find it hard to believe I'm actually playing a sub. I'm using from my phone at 5 clicks for android and with the ultrasonic format.

I'm curious to see what days off are like.

[Chris P. Bacon]

Some definite and large OGSF things have happened

3 nights ago I realized that a lot of my unwillingness to execute subs in general was due to a fear of bad leadership. I have had quite a few bad leaders growing up, as many have, and this really made me jaded toward leadership in general. Subliminals could be classified as a type of leader/ship as it is instructing me to do/execute something. I think part of me was very unwilling to fully execute subs due to this fear of leadership. That seems to be partially or fully resolved.

2 mornings ago I woke up to the fear of death and it was very paralyzing as I lay there in bed. My response to this is was bewildering, I began to think! The results of my processing of this fear led me to a conclusion that was very profound. I don't think I fear death anymore, or at least I am in the process of becoming okay with it because the conclusion of my thoughts was this "Death as we know it is just the cessation of the localization known as the physical body. Whenever the death happens we will cease to be local but we will continue on to whatever end and I know that after my physical body dies, I will live on and I will be okay.".

I'm more comfortable with death now.

today is my first day off. I'm curious to what will unfold.

[Shannon]

"Death" is just a transition from physical to non-physical.

In my scripts, I rely as heavily as I can on your own subconscious to make decisions for you about what should be done, how and at what speed, etc. I don't believe I can, nor presume to have the knowledge to, create scripts that are all coming from my personal knowledge and skill. That's also why I rely so heavily on he predictive models to help decide what goals each program should have. So by and large, I and my limited-ness have stepped out of the equation, and what is left is instructions that get you to find the necessary variable values for what works best for you. So really, you are the leader, not me. And a big part of this is due to the limits I have on what I know and what I can see of your unique situation, but easily as much comes down to the fact that the more you do of the process, the less you have to trust in me, my goals, my competence. And that has made a big difference in getting execution.