New Realization
Last Saturday, I looked at porn. Not to simply masterbate for pleasure. I did it get myself really aroused and practice sexual manifestation. I would close my eyes when I felt the intense sensations and focus it on my goal (being emotionally healed). I can say that it was completely unlike any other time I masturbated to porn. After I busted my first nut, I proceded to bust another one. I planned on keeping my mind focused on the goal, but look at the porn the whole time (yeah, it was a little more about the pleasure than the first one).
The universe seemed to almost stop me from doing this. Immediately after busting the first nut, I went to the bathroom and came back to the computer (like 60 seconds) and it had froze. This happens from time to time, but in my past porn watchings, I can't recall it happening. I pull out my phone and think to myself "okay universe if I shouldn't do this, have my web browser crash". It didn't crash, but it fucking froze, which was even more rare than my computer freezing. I had rebooted the computer and despite the warnings, I went ahead and did what I wanted to anyway.
I did learn about performing the sexual transmutation though and I feel that this was a good learning experience. I felt the energy circulating through my body and tingling at the top of my head. Also, I didn't crave porn massively after doing this like I use to in the past. That's one of the biggest differences. No massive loss of energy like some others report (I never really experienced that). Having said that, I know now to never repeat the experience with porn.
Today throughout the day, I was constantly reminded of how I don't have a girl to fuck. I walk into class and see an attractive girl and throughout the day as I saw more, I became more bothered and I wanted to change my reality. I realized that this was probably because I watched porn so I'm only going to do sexual transmutation without porn from now on. I realize that the reality that's within me that needs to express itself is one without porn. So to watch porn is stick with the old reality. I know that now.
Last Saturday, I looked at porn. Not to simply masterbate for pleasure. I did it get myself really aroused and practice sexual manifestation. I would close my eyes when I felt the intense sensations and focus it on my goal (being emotionally healed). I can say that it was completely unlike any other time I masturbated to porn. After I busted my first nut, I proceded to bust another one. I planned on keeping my mind focused on the goal, but look at the porn the whole time (yeah, it was a little more about the pleasure than the first one).
The universe seemed to almost stop me from doing this. Immediately after busting the first nut, I went to the bathroom and came back to the computer (like 60 seconds) and it had froze. This happens from time to time, but in my past porn watchings, I can't recall it happening. I pull out my phone and think to myself "okay universe if I shouldn't do this, have my web browser crash". It didn't crash, but it fucking froze, which was even more rare than my computer freezing. I had rebooted the computer and despite the warnings, I went ahead and did what I wanted to anyway.
I did learn about performing the sexual transmutation though and I feel that this was a good learning experience. I felt the energy circulating through my body and tingling at the top of my head. Also, I didn't crave porn massively after doing this like I use to in the past. That's one of the biggest differences. No massive loss of energy like some others report (I never really experienced that). Having said that, I know now to never repeat the experience with porn.
Today throughout the day, I was constantly reminded of how I don't have a girl to fuck. I walk into class and see an attractive girl and throughout the day as I saw more, I became more bothered and I wanted to change my reality. I realized that this was probably because I watched porn so I'm only going to do sexual transmutation without porn from now on. I realize that the reality that's within me that needs to express itself is one without porn. So to watch porn is stick with the old reality. I know that now.
