Its very much like approach anxiety towards life that I'm feeling - have been for a while now. Its irrational. I know the answer to be "Just go out n' talk to some chicks, see if you like someone. Don't take it too seriously, just enjoy it, its an experience.". Only this time the rejection could be something like losing my current job and maybe having to leave my apartment. But its still not like I'd die or anything. I have relatives who'd take me in, and when there I'd drive myself through a brick wall to going again. There's considerable fear of shame in the negative consequences and being stuck for so long too. Shame of rejection from the society, since I feel like I can't pull my weight in a capacity that I'd like to, and expect myself to.
Again, thinking I should do a month of OGSF and then come back to this. Maybe clear the blocks to action a bit, then work on the emotional content some more. E2 has all those confidence and approval seeking bits, but since they're tagged towards "healing", I don't know if they practically apply to my situations or not. Hmm. But again, why so serious :D I don't wanna switch when feeling low though, resistance.
ION: Just noticed that I can go jogging in the city center without too much thought into it. To a quieter part of it. Always used to seek somewhere out of sight. Also that I've been getting back to jogging lately, just for a sort of stress release and health.
E: Not that I'm really feeling afraid of everything, but it must be fear manifesting as this ridiculous indecisiveness and lack in the ability to take risks. If it isn't, then I don't know what it is. Its not like I used to be helpless, but I've somehow learned into it. I know my circumstances drive to it, but then again not sure which came first. And it doesn't really matter anyway. Just gotta it some time to process.
Again, thinking I should do a month of OGSF and then come back to this. Maybe clear the blocks to action a bit, then work on the emotional content some more. E2 has all those confidence and approval seeking bits, but since they're tagged towards "healing", I don't know if they practically apply to my situations or not. Hmm. But again, why so serious :D I don't wanna switch when feeling low though, resistance.
ION: Just noticed that I can go jogging in the city center without too much thought into it. To a quieter part of it. Always used to seek somewhere out of sight. Also that I've been getting back to jogging lately, just for a sort of stress release and health.
E: Not that I'm really feeling afraid of everything, but it must be fear manifesting as this ridiculous indecisiveness and lack in the ability to take risks. If it isn't, then I don't know what it is. Its not like I used to be helpless, but I've somehow learned into it. I know my circumstances drive to it, but then again not sure which came first. And it doesn't really matter anyway. Just gotta it some time to process.
Thoughts, opinions and beliefs subject to change without prior notice.
