Here's my update for the week on how things went:
At first, I really felt different in a good way. That was when I just got back to campus from spring break. I felt that it was working.
By the second day back to classes, I felt the negative feelings kicking in about my situation. I found this surprising because normally, I feel good with a sub for a day or so and then resistance kicks in. That wasn't the case this time. I had been running the sub for an entire week and didn't really feel resistance. I did feel bored over the break though, but not the negative feelings I felt coming back to class. Although overall I did feel better then I did before I started the sub at all.
As it got later into the week, I felt the same as I did before I started the sub when I go to my socially unpleasant classes. Then I realized I'm living in my own manifestation and I should accept it (after watching the videos), so that's what I'm trying to do.
Seeing girls that are mildly attractive makes me think "I don't have any of that. Good job manifesting this Maxx, good job. You're so good at it" in a sarcastic way. I typically will walk in a different direction from girls with nice asses and stuff because it bothers me. I wanna know how the fuck I manifested all these attractive girls walking by me and shit and being bothered by it and also WHY I would do it in the first place!
Currently aiming to break the cycle. First goal is raising my vibration. I may have had a little success. The guest speaker in one of my classes brought their dog and it was a mini schnauzer. I have one at home too so I thought that I manifested it. When the dog made his way over to me, he sat near me for a second (which I didn't see him stop to sit near anyone else that was trying to pet him), at least until someone else walked into the room right after he sat and went over to them to check them out.
As usual, I am craving sex today. It normally happens on the weekends, specifically Friday. And of course, I REALLY REALLY thought about watching some pron. As messed up as it may sound, I REALLY wanted to see some mother son pron. I have no intention or desire of any kind to have that with my mother at all. But that kind of pron with a really hot mom turns me on so much. That and brother sister. It's kind of messed up, but a little incest never hurt anyone (totally fucked up joke). Anyway, I hope Shannon makes a MYP Milf. It's been a fantasy of mine for every!! Maybe also a MYP FWB Professor
I'm gonna go for a little walk now (again) to calm myself.
PS. Forgot to mention I had 2 memorable dreams this week. One about a girl that I know and we were both going to go to her place and I was confused thinking "you want to have sex with me?" because we haven't hung around each other in forever.
The other, was with another girl I know and I kissed her as I hug her and she asked me to kiss her again and then I got so turned on and we started making out. That's all I remember.
At first, I really felt different in a good way. That was when I just got back to campus from spring break. I felt that it was working.
By the second day back to classes, I felt the negative feelings kicking in about my situation. I found this surprising because normally, I feel good with a sub for a day or so and then resistance kicks in. That wasn't the case this time. I had been running the sub for an entire week and didn't really feel resistance. I did feel bored over the break though, but not the negative feelings I felt coming back to class. Although overall I did feel better then I did before I started the sub at all.
As it got later into the week, I felt the same as I did before I started the sub when I go to my socially unpleasant classes. Then I realized I'm living in my own manifestation and I should accept it (after watching the videos), so that's what I'm trying to do.
Seeing girls that are mildly attractive makes me think "I don't have any of that. Good job manifesting this Maxx, good job. You're so good at it" in a sarcastic way. I typically will walk in a different direction from girls with nice asses and stuff because it bothers me. I wanna know how the fuck I manifested all these attractive girls walking by me and shit and being bothered by it and also WHY I would do it in the first place!
Currently aiming to break the cycle. First goal is raising my vibration. I may have had a little success. The guest speaker in one of my classes brought their dog and it was a mini schnauzer. I have one at home too so I thought that I manifested it. When the dog made his way over to me, he sat near me for a second (which I didn't see him stop to sit near anyone else that was trying to pet him), at least until someone else walked into the room right after he sat and went over to them to check them out.
As usual, I am craving sex today. It normally happens on the weekends, specifically Friday. And of course, I REALLY REALLY thought about watching some pron. As messed up as it may sound, I REALLY wanted to see some mother son pron. I have no intention or desire of any kind to have that with my mother at all. But that kind of pron with a really hot mom turns me on so much. That and brother sister. It's kind of messed up, but a little incest never hurt anyone (totally fucked up joke). Anyway, I hope Shannon makes a MYP Milf. It's been a fantasy of mine for every!! Maybe also a MYP FWB Professor
I'm gonna go for a little walk now (again) to calm myself.
PS. Forgot to mention I had 2 memorable dreams this week. One about a girl that I know and we were both going to go to her place and I was confused thinking "you want to have sex with me?" because we haven't hung around each other in forever.
The other, was with another girl I know and I kissed her as I hug her and she asked me to kiss her again and then I got so turned on and we started making out. That's all I remember.
