02-27-2016, 08:48 AM
(This post was last modified: 02-27-2016, 08:49 AM by SargeMaximus.)
Ok, just finished watching. I love what she said about the man in the arena and how it doesn't matter that people criticise him. I also liked what she said about failure, and how you simply HAVE to fail to be successful.
As for shame, shame is interesting because it's a paradoxical thing in that if you can talk about things you are ashamed of, you transcend into someone who is not ashamed of those things.
However, shame is also an emotion. And as the best counselor I've ever had said "emotions are information". This is VITAL to understand, lest we be trapped in emotions forever.
Instead of thinking "oh god! I feel such shame!" and reacting to it by shrinking away. If we instead reacted to it by asking ourselves "what does this shame mean? What is my body trying to tell me about what I'm ashamed of?" and it will always come down to fear.
Shame is the emotion that tells us, if the community (or human species) knew the things we are ashamed of about ourselves, it would reject us and we would be alone and probably die. Social connectedness is a vital thing to a human beings survival. Further more, it's TRUE that doing some things will ostracize you.
As we can see in the video Wolverine posted (Here's the link:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mc6BecN-qKs)
In it you can see clearly that people DO ostracize the guy. Almost all of them leave his vicinity within seconds of him turning on the porn.
It makes no difference that they are most likely leaving because THEY are ashamed, all that matters is the result.
So, in the end, shame is a valuable emotion, because it can let us know if we should go down a certain path or not. This does not mean that we are unworthy of love or anything, it simply means "if I do X, I'll get Y".
You really have to see it this way. And I admire the aspirations of people like Brene Brown, but I do not believe that the answer to overcoming shame is to talk about it. Why? Because by talking about it we make it an entity (and therefore even MORE real), AND, in a twisted irony, if we talk about shame and tell other people they shouldn't be ashamed... guess what we're doing? That's right!
SHAMING PEOPLE FOR BEING ASHAMED!
The answer is not to try and remove the emotions, the answer is to work with them and recognize their value and merit, and then weigh them against our logic and reasoning.
So that's why I disagreed with the video.
But I like what she said about vulnerability as well, in that vulnerability is not weakness. Here's an example of someone being vulnerable:
![[Image: tank-man-tiananmen-square.jpg]](http://s1.ibtimes.com/sites/www.ibtimes.com/files/styles/lg/public/2015/06/04/tank-man-tiananmen-square.jpg)
Also, in poker, it's a well known fact that when you act strong you are weak.
But in the end, it all comes down to what gets you results. As we know, acting strong and "alpha" can help with some women. Does this mean those women are "weak"? Maybe, but the point is, do you want to be judgemental, or do you want to get results?
The zen of life is recognizing what works, and accepting it.
As for shame, shame is interesting because it's a paradoxical thing in that if you can talk about things you are ashamed of, you transcend into someone who is not ashamed of those things.
However, shame is also an emotion. And as the best counselor I've ever had said "emotions are information". This is VITAL to understand, lest we be trapped in emotions forever.
Instead of thinking "oh god! I feel such shame!" and reacting to it by shrinking away. If we instead reacted to it by asking ourselves "what does this shame mean? What is my body trying to tell me about what I'm ashamed of?" and it will always come down to fear.
Shame is the emotion that tells us, if the community (or human species) knew the things we are ashamed of about ourselves, it would reject us and we would be alone and probably die. Social connectedness is a vital thing to a human beings survival. Further more, it's TRUE that doing some things will ostracize you.
As we can see in the video Wolverine posted (Here's the link:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mc6BecN-qKs)
In it you can see clearly that people DO ostracize the guy. Almost all of them leave his vicinity within seconds of him turning on the porn.
It makes no difference that they are most likely leaving because THEY are ashamed, all that matters is the result.
So, in the end, shame is a valuable emotion, because it can let us know if we should go down a certain path or not. This does not mean that we are unworthy of love or anything, it simply means "if I do X, I'll get Y".
You really have to see it this way. And I admire the aspirations of people like Brene Brown, but I do not believe that the answer to overcoming shame is to talk about it. Why? Because by talking about it we make it an entity (and therefore even MORE real), AND, in a twisted irony, if we talk about shame and tell other people they shouldn't be ashamed... guess what we're doing? That's right!
SHAMING PEOPLE FOR BEING ASHAMED!
The answer is not to try and remove the emotions, the answer is to work with them and recognize their value and merit, and then weigh them against our logic and reasoning.
So that's why I disagreed with the video.
But I like what she said about vulnerability as well, in that vulnerability is not weakness. Here's an example of someone being vulnerable:
Also, in poker, it's a well known fact that when you act strong you are weak.
But in the end, it all comes down to what gets you results. As we know, acting strong and "alpha" can help with some women. Does this mean those women are "weak"? Maybe, but the point is, do you want to be judgemental, or do you want to get results?
The zen of life is recognizing what works, and accepting it.
