Sean's AM Journal

[Sean]

Patti, one thing I can say is that I'm way better this morning. Also, we each have our own demons to face, and yours will be different from mine.

[Sean]

AM5 Stage 6 Day 18

This morning I awoke with an immense feeling of peace and tranquility. I'm not sure if this is related to the Choline CDP I took yesterday (I forgot how awesome that stuff is) or a part of Stage 6; I just hope to repeat it soon.

That night

It's hard to believe I'm two weeks away from closing the final stage of this AM5 journey. I have come a long way, and even writing this, I know six months ago I'd have been impatient to close this out. Today, I'm just relishing the anticipation.

There have been instances of irritability today, mostly with other drivers who were too busy texting at intersections to see the light turn green, which cost the rest of us a cycle at the light.

I made another attempt to message the girl from NYE. She saw the message last night, and there's been no reply. I'd written her off, but the oneitis got me. I need to get out to those salsa classes, especially with WM2 on the horizon.

[Sean]

I figured out today that I hate my job.

No really. It is common for someone to say they hate their job, and this is different. I fell into my job by not taking an active role in choosing to find something I loved. I just kept following the easy path toward greater income, never considering how much of a disservice I was doing myself over the long haul.

My cousin happens to be a career counselor, and I emailed him this morning to engage his services. I may also put WM2 on the back burner, in order to purchase and start using FYPJ, because this job is draining me badly, and providing a constant external source of negativity.

[Benjamin]

As hard as it can be that is a good thing to figure out now rather than in 20 years still doing the same thing.

Come to think of it i've hated nearly every job I had in the past except for security (I loved it for the wrong reasons and it was the most damaging, but I enjoyed it.)

Good luck finding something you enjoy Sean.

-Ben

[Shannon]

For me, every job working for someone else ended in misery. The only time I have ever been able to be happy working has been working for myself.

[Sean]

I'm putting things together for a real estate business with a partner. I think we have an innovative way to get homebuyers into homes, while circumventing the current problems of the mortgage market.

We've determined our goals, and are researching the possibilities:

1. We will be profitable enough that the business supports our financial goals.
2. We will put good people into good homes
3. We will do this ethically
4. We will help others, through a not-for-profit subsidiary that puts deserving people into homes at a discount.

[Shannon]

Read Millionaire Fastlane. Even if you don't want to become a millionaire. The business advice in this book is dead on.

[Sean]

The past couple of days were really weird. In particular, my ex invited me in to talk about our daughter last night, and she again tried some of the same flirting behavior from when we were dating. I was really focused on talking about our daughter when it hit me that she seemed to be dragging out our interaction.

So I kissed my sleeping baby girl goodnight, and said I had to roll, and ex was clearly caught off-guard. I knew then that she did not want me to leave, and I'd put her in a position with no graceful way to say otherwise. That was a relief, because things are going well right now, in that we can talk about our daughter, and I don't want this to blow up in drama again because I declined her offer to romp.

I met and had several online conversations with a girl, but I'm not sure it's going to work since she seems to have some deep issues and I have a nagging voice telling me to punch out before it gets serious. The problem is that, once again, I seem to be getting oneitis over the girl because of the perception of scarcity: Part of me is saying "blow her off" and the other part won't stop obsessing her.

[Sean]

Saturday night, I went to a meetup. I enjoyed talking to people, but didn't click with anyone. At the hotel where we met, there was a masquerade ball. I danced a little, and when I was tired, I sat on a bench to rest a little before I was to go home.

A girl sat down next to me, introduced herself as Rose and started talking to me. At first it was fun, but then she started talking about how all these guys love her, and I was turned off. Obviously she wanted me to be another one of her orbiters to prop up her ego while she gives nothing in return.

But then her cousin Zay walked up, and we started talking. It turns out that it is her birthday. Rose left, and while we waited for her to come back, I told Rose to sit down in a chair for her birthday gift and started massaging her shoulders. She was loving it. We were flirting heavily, but when she asked how old I am, I was honest and direct.

Apparently she has an age thing, because she left, claiming her boyfriend was joining them at the next club they were going to. I had no reaction at all, except that it was too bad for her to miss out on her birthday foot massage (she was wearing really high heels). I enjoy helping others feel good, so it's not like I was sacrificing much to do this.

This is another way in which AM has changed me for the better: in the past, I'd never have just told a woman to sit down and start massaging her, and I'd have been upset when she walked off. Not so, anymore. Once again, I thank you, Shannon.

[Sean]

AM5, Stage 6, 34 days completed

I've finished my first series of AM5, and I've come a long way. I don't have the time to enumerate everything that has changed. Suffice it to say that this level of transformation blows away any expectations that seemed "realistic" when I started.

I'm considering continue OGSF until I start WM2. My alternative is to "cleanse the palate" for a little while, with no subliminals at all. To be honest, I've been rather tired lately because my listening patterns changed, where I was using headphones nearly all night during the last few stages.

To be honest, I'm keeping an open mind about WM2, and there's a small bit of feeling intimidated by the demands placed on me by a 5G program. At the same time, I'm excited to see what WM2 does to and for em.

[Benjamin]

Awesome Sean, congratulations!

It feels good to have gone through such a program doesn't it. I remember a while after finishing the 2011 version I looked through my old journal and was like "wow".

I know Shannon has mentioned to take 1 or 2 weeks off after Alpha to let some programming sink in them go onto the next program.

I will be there with you soon, got 8 days left of Stage 6!

-Ben

[Sean]

Ben, six months ago, finishing this program seemed so far off in the distance, and I had no expectations. I had hopes, doubts, and curiosity. I feel so good about having finished.

Shannon does recommend a break here. I'll take some time off of the subs to see how things go and how I feel.

As part of your FAQ, you should gather together all the details about AM5 and make a separate entry for that.

[Sean]

Now that I've completed this iteration of AM5 (there will be more), I thought I would put up my evaluation of what progress I made based on all of the advertised benefits of AM5.

Shannon, based on what I have written below, would you say that moving on to WM2 is likely to give me positive, desirable results? Would you say I'm better off using another program, or re-running AM5 before doing so? I welcome any thoughts you may have, as well as anyone who has something helpful to add.


Have let go of any negative self image, attitudes, thoughts and beliefs about yourself.
Have a powerful, positive sense of self respect, self esteem, self image and self worth.

Each of these is a massive success without reservation. I've been working for years to improve my self image, and have achieved more progress with AM5 than with counseling, affirmations, and competitors' subliminals.

Have unshakable self confidence.

My self confidence is far better than it was than when I started. I still have a long way to go, but the progress from "very low" to "not bad" is incredible.

Be unaffected by rejection.

This one is mostly there. I still sometimes get oneitis when I've invested time into a woman and the chemistry doesn't work, so I obsess a little trying to figure out what I did wrong. Eventually, this fades and the result is an attitude of "It's her loss." The period is shortening, though, so there may be a lack of coordination between "Alpha" and my old thought patterns.

Treat women as people to enjoy the company of, without taking them too seriously, needing them, or being easily upset by them.

This is massively successful. I'm not easily upset by women and their behaviors.

Have released expectations towards women, which often lead to bad choices, actions, attitudes, thinking and responses.

This is an example of good progress, but not complete on this iteration. While my expectations are reduced, I still sometimes expect they'll be more attracted or responsive to my attentions. I look forward to dismissing these expectations.

Be self sufficient and self reliant mentally, emotionally and otherwise.

Very much so, almost to the point that my friends are thinking I'm antisocial. The fact is, I'm busy. I have limited time to chat or socialize due to my other obligations.

No longer be, or come across to others as “needy”.

Again, this is almost going too far, where I won't reach out for help when I can clearly use it.

Take good care of yourself, your hygiene and your appearance, not just because you want to be attractive to beautiful women, but because it makes you feel good about yourself.

I've always been a hygienic person, but self-care has been a failing of mine for a long time. I neglect my nails and frequently put off a shower or bath because I'm busy with my other tasks. I don't let myself get to the point of being stinky, though. It's just that I could take better care of myself.

Be able to effortlessly approach any woman you want – and the more attractive you find her, the easier it will be.

This is still a problem for me, and it is my own fault. I've not spent enough time socializing to establish congruity between my patterns and my attitude.

Be selective about whom you spend your time with, and which women you give your time, interest and affections to.

This is very much true, and I may have swung too far the other direction.

Exude an aura of confidence, commanding presence and authority, which gets you respect, attention and obedience.
Exude an aura of sexiness that makes you much more attractive to the beautiful women you encounter. The more beautiful they are, the more attracted and interested they will be.

I lack the perspective to address these. I believe it is there, because others show me more respect than previously, and women are more open to me.

Have a Zen attitude, which keeps you calm when other guys would lose control, thus demonstrating your self control and mastery of the situation – an Alpha/dominant male trait.

This is definitely a success. I am so much calmer in the face of situations that would normally try my patience.

Display graceful, confident body language, which broadcasts your power and dominance to all, but especially females (for whom body language is a very important way of communicating, and thus determining the men they are interested in).

This is mostly there. My walk is more relaxed and upright, but sometimes relaxes back into a hunch.

Display the attitude, thinking, actions and speech patterns of an Alpha/Dominant Male.

This is mostly there, and I expect will become more evident over time.

No longer seek approval from others, nor be concerned with what they think of you or what you do or say.

I still catch myself doing this, so while it's not an unconscious behavior yet, I believe it will become so. I catch myself trying to say nice things to people in the expectation that they will appreciate it. This is an old pattern that will take longer to destroy.

Be your own man, who does what he wants, when he wants, how he wants, where he wants.

That is definitely the case, but I started with an advantage in this case.

Be in control when dealing with women, and especially beautiful women or women you are interested in.

I'm still getting used to this. It's like part of my mind still thinks I should be nervous, but I'm not. The old nervousness was a very strong pattern, so I'm not surprised I retained some of it after a single iteration of AM.

Be entirely unconcerned about “getting the girl” or achieving sexual interaction, which will make the ladies percieve you as higher status, higher value, and more worthy of both.
Be easily able and willing to walk away from people and situations you don”t like, and TELL HER NO – whether it”s to her asking for sex or anything else.
Be in complete control of yourself and your environment, and YOU will be the one who controls when, how, and with whom you have sex.
Develop and display a fantastic sense of humor, which will make you socially popular and attractive to others, especially beautiful women.


These are all wildly successful. I've always had a good sense of humor and ability to make others laugh. The higher status feeling is fully integrated and congruent.

Be entirely comfortable in social situations of any type, whether they are familiar to you or not.

When I'm talking to people at a party, online, or wherever, I'm comfortable, even with saying nothing. This can be disturbing to others, though, if I'm not helping them fill silence that they experience as uncomfortable.

And do it all while being polite and graceful!

I'm generally polite, but the grace was a nice bonus.

Acceptance of, and feelings of deservedness of, being treated well
Deserving respect from others
Self love and liking yourself
Valuing yourself

These are all fully in place.

Extended ego balancing

This is a grand slam success. I feel good about myself, but neither superior nor inferior to those around me.

I don't even know how to define this, so it is neither successful nor unsuccessful.

Strong, centered masculinity and masculine presence

Again, I lack perspective to evaluate this.

Destruction of negativity within you concerning yourself and others, and replacement with positivity

Yes, I'm far more positive than I used to be.

Self acceptance with continual striving to be better than you are

Self acceptance, yes. Getting better, I think so. I can see evidence of it when I think about it, but the naturalizer has made the distinctions hard to discern.

Destruction of laziness
Motivation boost
Doing what needs to be done, because it needs to be done, and that is the way of the Alpha

No, I retain my lazy and procrastinating streaks. They may require more-focused products to eliminate.

Extroversion enhancement and training

I'm far more extroverted than I was previously. I like it. A lot!

Self forgiveness

A huge success. Mistakes I've made in the past, which used to haunt me, are now just cause to chuckle.

Social stability, skill and strength

I can't figure any criteria to just this against. My life is in turmoil, so social stability is not something I've focused on.

Overcome abandonment issues

Didn't have these in the first place.

Success training

I've not seen evidence of this.

Gratitude

It's there, in spades.


Self trust

I do trust myself, but I think there can be more, which I hope to see realized in another iteration of AM5.

Self image of man, instead of boy
Leadership training and development
Decisiveness training
Authenticity and congruency training
Destruction of jealousy and possessiveness, and replacement with self security, self reliance and self satisfaction
Constant self growth and progress

These are all very strong, and I look forward to strengthening them with my behavior.

2/14/2013 - Updated Ego Balancing now that I know what was meant.

[Shannon]

Have you ever seen a skyscraper built, Sean? They have a machine they use to build them that assembles things on one floor, and then uses what it just assembled to hike itself up to where it needs to be to build the next floor.

That has been my experience with AM. Some variables will be less or more developed, and based on where they are when you start, some will be less or more resistant to change. That's why I recommend doing the program once a year, because the changes must fully integrate ("set") before you can build on them. Then the next iteration, each variable will be adjusted based on where it started at that point, and eventually, all variables are dealt with.

I would say you got quite a bit out of just one run through compared to what it used to be like when I started. I dare say that I got the equivalent of 3 to 4 run-throughs of the early designs out of just one of AM 5.0. Now it's time to let yourself finish "becoming" it.

WM 2.0 will give you positive results at this time, based on that growth, yes. If I were you, I would pick something that would occupy me for 3 to 6 months and then re-run AM 5.0 (or 6.0, if it exists, and is your desire). WM 2.0 is a good choice because it helps maintain and increase AM 5.0's programming, without directly focusing on it.