USLM 4.2 adventures and random musings

[Have at ye]

So I'm back on DMSI since last week after 4 months on OGSF.

It would appear that OGSF has not worked on everything as I experienced anxiety and other things when running DMSI. Though an initial increase in libido was noticeable, it has flatlined once more pretty quickly - I believe that ever since I've had a psychotic episode I'm now blocked sexually completely. I was hoping DMSI would help unblock me in some fashion.

I must say my heart's not really into it as well. I had problems motivating myself to play DMSI after the first several days and had 4 days off due to that. It's the first time I've faced motivation issues when running DMSI since the very first AOSI iteration. I don't know whether this is going to pass with time.

Since I wasn't journaling back when ver. 3.5 was released, I'm going to say a little bit about results I was getting back then. I ended up in love with this extremely attractive woman who was responding to me as if she were in love as well, but it didn't go anywhere because she's married and with a kid. We did share some tender moments though and had great rapport - she was responding to DMSI as well. But then I lost that job where I was in contact with her and now we're barely in touch anymore.

Another thing is that one attractive cashier at my local store was giving me tremendous amounts of IOIs, acting as if she were infatuated by me. Unfortunately I got my psychotic episode around that time and after I returned home from the hospital she did not work at the store anymore.

Women in general were very open to me and I was doing pretty well when it comes to rapport and seduction. Unfortunately I've lost my swagger after that psychotic breakdown.

In other news, I got another customer for translation work (a well-paying one). Still continuing in my job search, and band search. Been slacking off on my singing practice, though. The choir job is still on the table (I met a guy who works at that place and he told me they will definitely be auditioning people, they're just restructuring now). I'm doing my best to spend as much time outside my house as I can.

EDIT

Oh, I also enrolled at a course for what they call "recovery assistants". It would give me certification to work at psychiatric institutions as one, helping others get through their psychic crises based on my experience of getting through one. The course starts in November, I'm kinda enthusiastic about it. Hopefully it'll lead to a fulfilling job.

[Have at ye]

Not much to report apart from the fact that people are more eager to greet me on the street.

Still kinda down in the dumps - I think I'm going to try Money Magnet once it's out to help in making money and band and job search. I am at an impasse - I seem to be blocked manifestation-wise, even though I tried pretty much everything, perhaps even too much of it. Maybe 5.11G technology will help with that, break me out of my rut.

[Have at ye]

Not much happening but that's no wonder because I am depressed. Having bad thoughts of giving up on everything, motivating myself to do anything is a struggle. DMSI is not the answer here now. I'll be switching programs soon to something else, don't know what exactly yet. Any suggestions what's best for depression?

[ffaux]

Not much happening but that's no wonder because I am depressed. Having bad thoughts of giving up on everything, motivating myself to do anything is a struggle. DMSI is not the answer here now. I'll be switching programs soon to something else, don't know what exactly yet. Any suggestions what's best for depression?

Remember that feeling depressed is sometimes a form of resistance. If you weren't feeling depressed previously, you may want to consider pushing through.

[Have at ye]

My heart just isn't into DMSI right now. Especially since my sex drive/libido has turned itself off spontaneously after my psychotic episode and I know not what to do about it. It's like after all these years of fighting to maintain it despite all fears and shame and all a part of me just decided to give up on sex, including masturbation. I think I'll wait until the 6G release of DMSI in its final version and run other programs in the interim.

In the meantime, I'm switching back to USLM to get some of that success and luck groove going. Heavens know I could use some - I've been stuck for over a year now despite all my efforts to try and achieve something significant.

I will probably try Money Magnet once it's out - the new technology might be able to power through any of my subconscious misgivings and I wouldn't say no to manifesting opportunities to make more money; there are several business I'd like to break into, just don't know how to go about it. Maybe this program could help with that, as well as with my job search.

Out of other news, got two new customers for my translation work. One of them is a low paying one, but with steady assignments which should prove to be an asset for regular money-making. Otherwise been feeling down in the dumps and depressed, lonely too. Kinda feeling like giving up on life since it's not bearing any fruit, y'know.

I'm still on the lookout for a band - I had a meeting with one guy to maybe start a project with, but he did not seem overly enthusiastic when we met. A shame, because he gives off the vibe of someone who knows their stuff and we could make good music together. An American, too, so I got to practice my English with a native speaker - not something I have many opportunities for outside of the Internet. Reconnected with a guy with whom we had an acoustic cover project that got interrupted by my paranoia - he seems chill with it and we'll perhaps continue with it. Otherwise things are quite on the music front but not for my lack of trying.

EDIT

Oh, I voted for an update to USLM in the poll since a boost in success and luck is something I could use right about now. Money Magnet won out, so I won't complain because that's also an interesting option, but I do hope that USLM gets a 5.11G update soon after.

[ffaux]

Have you considered OGSF?

[Have at ye]

I just ran it for 4 months. It did help with some fear and shame and guilt and all that; did not do much for my libido situation and depression. I will revisit it after I've ran some other programs.

[Have at ye]

So I'm running USLM now. Had a job interview, did pretty well though could have done better with the test task. The women that conducted the interview were very nice and attractive, which is always a plus. The job wouldn't pay much but it would be for a good cause and stable work, if maybe a little bit monotonous, as the girls warned. We'll see.

Still on the lookout for a band, looks like I'll be joining an on-line project with a guy who does synth gothic metal and is from my hometown. Also sent some samples to a band that sounds awesome but I'm still waiting for response from them. Did some growling - hadn't done that seriously in years, could use some practice if I'm going in the HEAVY METALZ direction which I wouldn't mind at all.

Still feeling like crap about the fact that my libido seems to have disappeared and I know not what to do about it.

I will be running Hormone Optimizer for Weight Loss in the near future, possibly after Money Magnet and then hopefully USLM v. new. Could stand to lose some 40-odd pounds, heh.

[Have at ye]

That awesome band I wanted to join doesn't want me. Now I'm sad! Not really, I kinda expected they'd be looking for something more by-the-book or something.

Anyhow, I did manage to get my singing back on track during my last two practice sessions, so that's good! Gonna have to keep working at it.

Got admitted to another band but one whose music doesn't inspire me as much (it's alternative rock, I'm more of a metalhead/bluesrock type of guy). I'll still prepare their songs and see where it goes from here.

Been noticing that my frustrations are somewhere in between being directed at me, internally - resulting in depression and anxiety - and outside, resulting in anger. I'm really in the need of something that would help me catch a break - I've been working extremely hard and have very little to show for it. I've tried various manifestation methods and they did not work, so I was disenchanted. Hopefully the new technology that is being introduced to the subs, like for instance in Money Magnet, is gonna help with that. I could have had a nice career by now if it wasn't for external circumstances which pretty much amount to "bad luck", and with age the opportunities are becoming more scarce. But I'm not giving up.

[Have at ye]

I'm getting shivers when listening to the program. It's like a part of me is so down by the fact that I've put so much effort toward success yet have very little it has a hard time believing success is possible.

I've been thinking that maybe for the new version of USLM, a success manifestation module could be cool, something based off the money manifestation module in Money Magnet. That would supercharge USLM.

[4Kingdoms]

I'm getting shivers when listening to the program. It's like a part of me is so down by the fact that I've put so much effort toward success yet have very little it has a hard time believing success is possible.

I've been thinking that maybe for the new version of USLM, a success manifestation module could be cool, something based off the money manifestation module in Money Magnet. That would supercharge USLM.

Many years ago, I attended a seminar for Amway.  The speaker told us his idea of success was having a chauffeur and being driven in a limo. 
His wife's idea of success was being able to go clothes shopping.  Gave me something to think about.

Gwen Stafani when she did an interview with the group "No Doubt" said, "We went on tour, sold out every concert, made a lot of money. But, when we came home, our success felt empty."

I went on holiday to Las Vegas, and stayed in a luxury hotel called "The Signature".
After I entered the elevator, a teenage girl entered after I did. I pressed button 7 to get to my floor and room. I was feeling pretty good!!
She pressed the button PH. Her destination was the top floor, the Penthouse.
I had an epiphany when I got to my floor. I have more than other people and no matter how much I have, someone else has more than me!

[Z-Man]

I'm getting shivers when listening to the program. It's like a part of me is so down by the fact that I've put so much effort toward success yet have very little it has a hard time believing success is possible.

I've been thinking that maybe for the new version of USLM, a success manifestation module could be cool, something based off the money manifestation module in Money Magnet. That would supercharge USLM.

Many years ago, I attended a seminar for Amway.  The speaker told us his idea of success was having a chauffeur and being driven in a limo. 
His wife's idea of success was being able to go clothes shopping.  Gave me something to think about.

Gwen Stafani when she did an interview with the group "No Doubt" said, "We went on tour, sold out every concert, made a lot of money. But, when we came home, our success felt empty."

I went on holiday to Las Vegas, and stayed in a luxury hotel called "The Signature".
After I entered the elevator, a teenage girl entered after I did. I pressed button 7 to get to my floor and room. I was feeling pretty good!!
She pressed the button PH. Her destination was the top floor, the Penthouse.
I had an epiphany when I got to my floor. I have more than other people and no matter how much I have, someone else has more than me!

That will always happen, somebody will be richer or poorer than you. Maybe we need a gratitude module that lets us enjoy our success without being jealous or comparing our success to another's success.

[Have at ye]

Got a gig doing localization quality assurance for a cRPG videogame. I've begun today and the game is kinda boring, but the pay is nice (22 USD per hour) so I should be clearing a hefty chunk of change for this once I convert it into potato. Maybe it's TID from Money Magnet? Who knows. It's come out of the blue through one of the translation agencies I've been doing some work for over the years.

Otherwise feeling pretty good but a little bit bored. I've gotten a return of the "IT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH" frustrations in my singing practice last time I practiced.

Planning to start going to the gym. I have one nearby, I'm going to go and check the place out. Since I'll be coach-potatoing professionally for the next month or two I could use a little bit of physical activity.