USLM v4.2 - Using What I've Got to Get What I Need

[ReconGunner]

Eight months.
It's been eight months since I finished my second run of EHPRA v5. I never planned to take this long of a break. I was waiting on, and working towards, securing enough funds to be able to buy something new and proceed forward. I was also waiting for the payment issues with the IML store to be resolved.

Then life got in the way, both for ILM and for me.

And now I am unemployed since late March. Barely getting by, but definitely no spare funds for anything new. So it's time to, as the title says, use what I've got to get what I need.

I know the limitations and challenges of USLM v4.2 from my first run of it. I overreached with my goals and still got some positive results.

So here we go. Tonight is the first listening night. Based on my prior run, volume on my Android phone is set to 75% and I will start with the recommended ASRB 2 cycle of 5 on, 1 off. I anticipate that changing to 6 on and 1 off as happened in the prior run, but I'm not going to rush it.

Reviewing the journal from my prior run I'm thinking I may already be having some TID. Over the last few weeks I've had some better recruiter contacts. None of them have borne fruit yet, but they are more favorable than earlier ones from this search.

Again, not detailing my goals. One is probably obvious, though.

[Topaz]

Good luck I hope you will have interesting experience and successful journey

[ReconGunner]

Thanks! I've got a lot of surface need right now, and eight months away means possibly some catching up to do with inner needs.

[ReconGunner]

Cycle 1
ASRB2 5:1

Interesting events. Part TID, maybe part USLM. Last week, before I started listening, and this week, during the first cycle, we received unexpected three-figure sums of money. Taken together they more than cover an extra expense we were trying to figure out how to cover.

Not much else. I came into this with tentative plans for a side gig that interests me. I'd have to take some classes to learn the skills needed, and I can't afford the classes until I get a new job in my career field. Even so, during this cycle I took my thoughts to the point of making a more solid plan for when to start the classes, which I simply hadn't done yet.

Good results already. Here's hoping they scale up sooner that later!

[ReconGunner]

Cycle 2
ASRB2 5:1

Ups and downs.

Was reminded of some key successes in my life prior to now. It is encouraging to see and remember the things I have accomplished.

Had another recruiter contact me about a job that is a strong fit for my background. And a day later he told me that the employer said that they already have enough candidates. It seems like even USLM is fighting uphill against hurricane force winds in this area.

Question about DRS in USLM v4.2. Is it limited to those who specifically and personally target the user? or will it have any effect on those who target the user as part of a group or type? I suspect the former but would be very happy if it is the latter.

[ReconGunner]

Mid-cycle

I don't know if it's subconscious resistance or what, but my thoughts have taken a hard negative turn today. Pissed off at everything and everyone for any and all reasons. Feeling devalued and discarded.

Just have to ride it through, I guess.

[ReconGunner]

Slight error in my last post - yesterday was the rest day of Cycle 2.

Today I experienced something that has happened to me before, but not in a very long time. I saw someone who had wronged me suffer the consequences of their own actions, potentially including their actions against me.

This doesn't change my current situation. it does give me some reassurance that there is at least some justice in this world.

[ReconGunner]

Cycle 3
ASRB2 5:1

Ups and downs continue.

Job search results are more active, but still not conclusive. Ongoing car issues are challenging finances. Haven't had any more ultranegative thought patterns like last week.

And the world at large seems to be turning in directions both familiar and unknown, which affects us all.

[ReconGunner]

Cycle 4
ASRB2 5:1

Another "bad" day. Negative thoughts were almost overwhelming - I was almost completely shut down the entire afternoon and evening. Emotionally null, physically tired to the point of sleep.

Job search is still mixed. One turns me down, another reaches out.

The chaos around us appears to be condensing into at least short term patterns. Perhaps this will reduce the uncertainty in people's minds and open up opportunities for us all.

[ReconGunner]

Cycle 5
ASRB2 5:1

No "bad" day this cycle. Job search still inconclusive with sporadic activity.

I've been waking up in the middle of the night, about the time the loops start, for the last few days - even on the rest night.

On the other hand, a friend and fellow member of a Rule 4 organization has been approaching me about taking on some low-level leadership/mentoring roles in that organization. This has also brought back some of the old pain from years ago, and given me new insight on the full scope of what happened back then. I am also very quickly settling back down emotionally after that unintended stirring. Definitely persistent results from previous runs of EHPRA, and I don't believe it's a "random" event that this has happened now.

Going to make a self-diagnosis:

1. Subconscious resistance. Not in the inconclusive job search results as much as in the "bad" days, and now in the overnight wakeups. No insight as to why, or what part of USLM my subconscious might be resisting. But a third of the way through the run there's a shift from "bad" days to waking up as the loops start, so there's a chance to less visible resistance. Potentially progress in overcoming the resistance. I'm also considering a second run depending on the outcome of this run.

2. External events. USLM v4.2, from the old product description, triggers the subconscious to engage a process that, since it's not fully visible from the conscious, looks like "random" events. I think there's some external interaction involved, meaning that external events may impact. And external events for the last month or so have been quite chaotic indeed! if I understand all this correctly, USLM has been "chasing a rapidly moving target" in terms of targeting that subconscious process towards external conditions. Much of that chaos has receded from public view, which is a somewhat hopeful sign.

The only way out is through....

[ReconGunner]

Called it. Subconscious resistance. And apparently my subconscious doesn't like being called out...

Last night, in the middle of the loops, I had one of the worst acid reflux attacks I've ever had. However, instead of leaving my phone in the bedroom while I was in the bathroom coughing up whatever, I took my phone into the bathroom with me. So I was at least still getting the loops.

More optimistically, I hope that this was my subconscious making its last attempt of major resistance.

[ReconGunner]

Cycle 6
ASRB2 6:1

Added a listening day. No major issues after the bad reflux event. Lots of old memories coming back, snippets even. All reminding me of past failures, real or interpreted as such. Sounds like US is getting at some stuff to get it out of the way. Since I'm about a third of the way through the run I'm giving serious consideration to a second run after a short break. We'll see in two months when this run is done.

[thectexperience1]

Called it. Subconscious resistance. And apparently my subconscious doesn't like being called out...

Last night, in the middle of the loops, I had one of the worst acid reflux attacks I've ever had. However, instead of leaving my phone in the bedroom while I was in the bathroom coughing up whatever, I took my phone into the bathroom with me. So I was at least still getting the loops.

More optimistically, I hope that this was my subconscious making its last attempt of major resistance.

Dragging your phone with you in the middle of that...now that's dedication to the cause. Well played!

[ReconGunner]

Called it. Subconscious resistance. And apparently my subconscious doesn't like being called out...

Last night, in the middle of the loops, I had one of the worst acid reflux attacks I've ever had. However, instead of leaving my phone in the bedroom while I was in the bathroom coughing up whatever, I took my phone into the bathroom with me. So I was at least still getting the loops.

More optimistically, I hope that this was my subconscious making its last attempt of major resistance.

Dragging your phone with you in the middle of that...now that's dedication to the cause. Well played!

Funny thing is, since then, I realized that I was viewing my subconscious as an opponent. Now, I'm developing empathy for my subconscious - even for myself as a whole. This happening on USLM suggests that I've been internally conflicted, and that conflict has been a barrier to success.