USLM v5

[User_000]

As i mentioned before, i will be running USLM because of the TID i was getting from it.

Now, the TID's effects were good but now I'm realizing how screwed up i am in that aspect. Just as the description says, perception and beliefs feedback each other so in my case my motivations to do something come from emotional dependence but once i try to make it real it hits me hard because i perceive myself unable to do so because of circumstances and my own limiting beliefs and for some reason there is also the belief of "i fail once then i will always fail" so that makes me feel like shit and in the end prevents me from try anything even without started yet, then that leads to abandonment an resentment. This is one of my biggest if not the biggest problem i have becaue it will prevent me from having the life i want even if i manage to overcome resistance i need to change those beliefs.

Let's see how this goes, realizing was a big step already since i was cracking my head trying to figure out how this work.

[User_000]

Yesterday i was feeling very motivated even at those times of the day when i feel tired (usually my bad mood comes along with tiredness as well as pessimistic attitude), it's like i can feel able to accomplish what i want. Also i become more social and didn't even care how others perceive me when i talk.

Today... Well, everything goes wrong and it's like the external world has something against me since i don't control many of the things that are happening to me, but at the same time i don't feel defeated. Might be resistance or My subconcious rewiring how i respond to those situations.

[Shannon]

Sounds like a bit of tidal effect. Make gains, get subconscious argument, regress a bit, then make more gains, and repeat. It happens in the beginning of a program sometimes when a program is directly at odds with some part or parts of your subconscious, especially if major and core beliefs are being adjusted and worked on to achieve the program goals. Just keep going.

[User_000]

Tidal effect again, yesterday i was doing great and today i'm so angry because of failures i might break my hand from hitting the wall.

[Shannon]

Tidal effect again, yesterday i was doing great and today i'm so angry because of failures i might break my hand from hitting the wall.

Try to consciously recognize these negative periods for what they are and find ways to deal with them that minimize how challenging they are.

Also remember that you're not trying to be perfect here.  Nobody succeeds 100% of the time, and failure is only failure if you don't use it as a way to achieve success.  For example, if I try to build a program and it doesn't work, I have only failed if I choose to stop trying and give up.  But if I turn that into a way of learning how to make it better and try again, it's not failure because I've made it a step towards eventual success.

Finally, don't expect perfection from yourself.  Perfection is a goal, not a destination.  Hope that helps.

[User_000]

Some days i lose my cool eventhough i know is not the end of the world and can fix it later. The emotion just go on rampage and i have to do something about it.

Today i had a very weird dream, maybe it was some part of my subconscious telling me something like "you don't have what you want because there are assholes who screw everything up" or "there will be always assholes trying to hurt me".

[User_000]

Recently i have stomach pain whenever i feel frustrated and my thoughts shift from internal depressive self talk to motivated self talk and so. Also since start running the program i've been identifying behaviors and beliefs that harm myself or are just useless. The kind of having expectations, lack of focus or focus on the wrong stuff, emotional dependence and turmoil for making decisions.

[User_000]

Now i have a better undestanding about what i need to succeed not in external matters but with myself and that is "I need to care for myself". eventually the same routine will end up killing me and those behavior patterns are also killing me slowly. I stress the shit out of me to force me do things when i don't feel like doing anything at all, i evade or distract myself from problems to avoid dealing with them, my first priority is not "me" but external shit. I need to improve my lifestyle or just do nothing if that's what the deepest part of myself want.

[Shannon]

Progress.

[User_000]

I'm getting depressive again and lately some of the old symptoms showed up (never thought i will feel lack of air again) also i'm getting more tired and at the same time the concept of success is crumbling down, most likely my motivation is crumbling down as well and don't feel like doing anything, before i just got motivated by the reward from completing something but now i look for something else that's not only the reward (wonder what it is) and since i've been living like these for years i'm kind of lost.

[User_000]

I just had the biggest insight of my life, I'm the one who keeps suffocating myself with emotions and thoughts that apparently are very common to the point i never considered them an issue but actually is like trying to lift a big rock. Very curious how when i'm having the time of my life playing a videogame there are no symptoms until i stop and get back to the usual trail and that is because my focus is on the stuff that makes feel so much pressure just by default. How my life turned this way?

[Shannon]

Progress.

[User_000]

Well... i'm fucked up (again), at least i learn more about the root of my problems which is severe trauma that leads to many behaviors and anxiety as well as my disability for get things done (in short i don't do a damn about anything), maybe USLM is not enough for overriding that trauma since it's not the goal but i know better what should i focus on.

[User_000]

Recently my mind goes wild and start having compulsive thoughts again just for me to start giving a damn about thoughts like me getting stabbed or worse, somehow my subconscious blindly believes my compulsive thoughts will happen but if that's true then i wouldn't be here, what a want to say is that i have always very high expectations (most of them never happen) and my perception was biased from the beggining so maybe i'm starting to get down to reality instead of lingering in my delusive dreams which means i no longer view my life as shit or something negative, i just happen to live experiences and get something from it, that also means my dreams are starting to crumble down as well but i'm relieved because i just kept pushing myself and getting depressed for not achieving it.