MLS 5.75.6G Journal

[Sky]

so I lifted at the gym today. It was good.

Things to remember for the gym, It's for:
long term happiness
consistency leads to maintaining health and improving my physique
flexibility in working out helps motivate me to go the gym even if I only have to walk
and action leads to motivation, so when i don't feel like going which happens a lot, I'll go anyways and then I'll be motivated when I get to the gym

[Sky]

So I've studied python 30 minutes every morning this week due to a change in my strategy based on a friend's recommendation. I have a potential interview so that motivated to study an extra 1.5 hours today on SQL. I don't think I'll get the job, but it's so motivating to get more money and do a job that's more product and data analytics focused. It sounds like it'll be fun.

My brother tells me MLS will help me learn faster, but it won't give me the desire to study python and SQL. The motivation has to come from me.

[Sky]

I took matters into my own hands and studied for 5 hours and 15 minutes throughout last week on SQL and Python through dataquest! I actually enjoyed it too once I disciplined myself enough to study. I have a potential interview coming up for a data analyst position after informally speaking with the hiring manager at the company that I applied to at his invitation, so I've kept in mind that that's why I'm so motivated to study this past week, which is to get more money and do a cool data analyst role pulling data using SQL. I'm scared I'll fail and that even if I do get the job, I'll fail then too, so all in all, I can only study. Whether I pass the interview or not is up to me, so all I can try to do is my best.

[Omni3]

Rooting for ya!

[Sky]

Rooting for ya!

Thank you!

[Sky]

One thing that I remember that I never posted was that back when I think I was in my first month of running MLS 5.75G, I ran it at night, and one night I started crying thinking about suicide. My interpretation of that is that I was I was releasing some deep subconscious fear of learning. I still stayed awake the whole night like usual, but the only thing that makes sense is the subliminal pushing me to release my fear of learning, because otherwise why would I suddenly start thinking of suicidal thoughts out of nowhere and start crying? I haven't had this happen since that night, but just thought this was worth noting.

[Sky]

I couldn't sleep at all last night. I run MLS during the day, so it could be that MLS is beginning to affect me and my subconscious is resisting by keeping me up at night. I finally fell asleep for what felt like 30 minutes in the morning and dreamed about Will Smith talking about how he raises his child giving it everything that child wants and has nothing to need for and me mentioning to him how my dad gave me stuff like Pina Colada drinks which would make me happy. Will Smith said Pina Colada was something he had not given to his kid in a way that felt like he was complementing that experience that I had. My dad was always letting me take pina coladas from his business while he ran the store though I realize I wouldn't have done that when I was a kid if I had realized how much he was working and struggling to provide for the family.

@Shannon Is my interpretation of this potential resistance tactic possibly correct? I haven't slept properly for 3 days but I think I got some semblance of surface level sleep the first two days even though I didn't feel rested when waking up, but last night was the toughest. Maybe MLS is trying to execute and my subconscious is trying to self sabotage me?

Something my brother noted to me on MLS was that I haven't complained about not being smart enough to learn for two months whenever I bring up my plans to learn SQL and Python on my quest to become a data analyst. Now, I'm more oriented towards figuring out how and what I need to do to achieve my goal. Guess I have got a lot of mental garbage to get through.

[Sky]

I can't sleep at all tonight either. This is the fourth day of no sleep. I'm going to take a few days off to see if my sleep stabilizes. I can't stay functional like this.

[Sky]

So I finally fell asleep this morning from 7-8am. Now it's time for work. And I dreamed about someone else gaining experience points other than me? I'll have to think more about the dream. An hour's sleep is better than nothing. I want to overcome this resistance, and get over my fears of learning but I'm going to take a break for a week and see if this is MLS causing sleep insomnia and evaluate.

[Sky]

so I didn't run MLS yesterday and took my first day off of the week, and last night I slept miraculously. I slept a full 8 hours and dreamed, and felt fantastic the next morning. So far, the only difference was that I stopped running MLS, so that must be why I couldn't sleep.

[Sky]

so I haven't used MLS for a few days, and my sleep has been great every day since then so MLS was definitely the cause for my lack of sleep. I'm going to run ARL when it is released, and stop MLS right now. After ARL, I'll evaluate.

I think MLS is a good sub, but I'll have to run it again in the future and try again probably with tranquilizer B as Shannon mentioned. My mind is super active I think when I run MLS, so for whatever reason it disrupts my sleep at night and when I play it during the day it still disrupts my sleep at night. I really want to pursue a masters degree and learn data science, but I think I need to take it one step at a time. I can keep studying on my own without MLS for now and try ARL since all I've been talking about for the longest while is having a girlfriend and a romantic relationship.

This past week, I studied for a total of 5 hours and 45 minutes of SQL, so that's a record. I've been getting up every morning to study 30 minutes minimum or longer and doing more in the evening when I can manage to take action and motivate myself.

[Sky]

So I went to sleep at 10:30 pm last night and woke up at 3:30am. I had no idea why I woke up so I browsed the internet for a little while and fell back asleep at 6am. When I went back to sleep, I had a deep dream I had gone to a meet up, and this pretty blonde girl talked to me and see we were going to a bar after the meetup. I talked with some other people and a guy put some white cream that I thought had adhesive qualities on my back. I touched it and the sticky stuff stuck to my hand as I tried to rub it off on my stomach. I talked to another girl who was brunette and asked about other people standing nearby in the meetup. She was pretty and answered my question though I don't remember her answer. I forgot my backpack in the building and everyone else didn't worry about having one, though I assumed they brought one with them. Then right next to me, I saw two guys confrontationally face the other people. I recognized them both as people from my past growing up in school. One pointed a gun at the people and I immediately clamped my hand down on the top of the gun and took it away from the guy. The guy I took the gun away from said that wouldn't have happened under normal circumstances or something since the gun wasn't loaded, though I can't remember the comment I was thinking about in the dream clearly as I took the gun away. The other guy felt distinctly familiar to someone in my past, though I won't say his name here. He had a nose ring on and I started walking away from the crowd with him, and he blamed me for not caring about the girl who loved me, and I asked who that was. He didn't tell me. Something else I told the guy with the nose ring was that I worked hard to get into the prestigious college I went to for undergrad when I moved away from where he lived, and then the conversation ended there. The bus came to pick us all up, and I realized I'd forgotten my backpack in the building, so I ran to get it while everyone was boarding before it left me behind. I found my backpack and tried to exit the door, but my legs were so tired I couldn't walk or run so I was on my knees struggling to get up. Anyways, I never exited the door to get to the bus, and I woke up remembering the dream vividly.

I think this is the most vivid and unsettling dream I've had on MLS considering that I'm on the bloom period right now. It must be working through something. It's interesting, I haven't had a good nights sleep on MLS since I've run it, but now that I'm on bloom, I've had a super vivid dream that I feel represents something important in my subconscious. This dream are the types of dreams I've come to expect from Shannon's subliminals, as I've had crazy dreams on all of his other subliminals for the most part as well.

[Sky]

I started Stage 7 of LTU6 last night. I finally much better and dreamed and felt better the next day. Today, I feel sad though.