Mystic LTU 6 Journal

[Mystic Pymp]

This stage is definitely tough.  It'll be interesting to see how Stage 3 goes.

If the previous stage was army boot camp, tough but you can manage and even enjoy it as you learn and better oneself, then this stage is being thrown into No Man's Land. Howitzers shower you with shells, German snipers take down those who are not cautious and machine gunners turn into cheese everyone one. Fun times all around.

Stage 3 will be better for sure. If it was during any other sub that I'd experience these difficulties I'd quit a long time ago. But this is not any other sub and I have confidence I'll brave this through.

[Mystic Pymp]

Stage 2 Day 13 (0)

I've read through some other journals on this forum and wow, I did not expect others to have problems as well. From my experience I tend to have a little bit different experiences than the most. Also it'd be easy to fell the same if I were to read these testimonials beforehand and expect crap to go sideways.

At least I know the sub is working. My biggest problem with this right now is not that I feel tired, useless and bad. It's that I don't know why. I've gotten to this point where I know myself enough that when something is wrong, I know WHY it is wrong. At this moment I'm dumbfounded as to what is making me so mindscrewed.

Today was probably the most useless day I've had this September. And, to be perfectly honest, I'm not mad about it too much. For a short period of time, something like hour or two, I was happy and free. No, I did not do drugs, I simply played some old video game I've label too time consuming to play nowadays. You know, these "one more turn" kind of stuff.

Alas I had to do for a walk and the to the grocery so the magic was broken. But maybe it shows me my issue - I've been forcing myself to do stuff, lost in a web of obligations and habits. At the same time though if not for them I'd be a FF who'd probably loose his job. I like the person who I'd become, I just hope I can keep being that person without feeling like crap all the time.

[Shannon]

Each stage must include and release different things. You can't have everything all at once, and you can't have all of them having the same thing, or there's no rest, no chance for growth and you get boredom.

Some of what you're experiencing is a resistance to something that isn't there anymore. It will be back. Over time, this will be outgrown. Don't start trying to assign interpretations to it; you stir shit up, you let it settle, and you stir it up again. Each time, growth happens. The process isn't always easy, fun or simple to understand. But it works. Just keep a long term mindset and point of view.

[Mystic Pymp]

Each stage must include and release different things.  You can't have everything all at once, and you can't have all of them having the same thing, or there's no rest, no chance for growth and you get boredom.

Some of what you're experiencing is a resistance to something that isn't there anymore.  It will be back.  Over time, this will be outgrown.  Don't start trying to assign interpretations to it; you stir shit up, you let it settle, and you stir it up again.  Each time, growth happens.  The process isn't always easy, fun or simple to understand.  But it works.  Just keep a long term mindset and point of view.

I agree. The tiredness I feel is proof that the sub is working. I know my baseline and that is not it. The problem with thinking in terms of "outgrowing" is that man lives in the present, not in the future. I know how I am now, future me will reap the rewards of this but at this very moment its of little use.

Instead I want to think about this as if it was mental soreness like that after a heavy training. Your muscle ache and you can barely move then they feel so weak. It's not a nice feeling but you know in the long run it will make you stronger so it's worth it.

Certainly I have no intention of stopping now. That would be stupid and pointless. It's easy to resist e.g. training as it takes time and effort, sub takes only clicking "play" in the morning - simple choice, easy to overrule with your will even when in doubt.

Stage 2 Day 14 (1)

BTW I think I have figured out the root of my current problem. It's like with fear of heights. When I'm at the edge of a cliff I'm scared to death to approach it. My mind will create millions of simulations of what might go wrong and if even one of these results in my demise I'm out - not an inch back, even if my life were to depend on it. Were the cliff is uncertainty of the future. I've always been an control freak to some extend and future cannot be controlled. So this gives rise to fear, fear gives rise to mental paralysis I'm experiencing. 

That's a theory at least, a shaky one. When I was talking about my sweetheart I was certain that was the issue because I knew how felt about her when I was thinking about her. For example now I feel little thinking about her, so I know it's not the source. For this theory however all I have is that it makes sense. It feels right, but thinking about my future does not make me feel scared or whatever.

I was sleeping only for 2 hours today, I feel well anyway. If I were to choice I'd take 2 hours over 12 anyway, as long as I feel full of energy as I do now. If something's gonna be off there is always noon nap to be had. Anyway I had a dream I wanna share. There was this feeling that my dad survived his coma and I went to visit him. My mom and my dog were also there, needless to say my dog died 3 years ago. Anyhow my dad was sleeping, I woke him up. He said two things: one was how dog is not supposed to go to bed (which is true, I was the only one allowing her to jump onto my bed) and the other that I need to go to sleep if I wanna wake up in the morning and do my dues. The second one was helluva interesting as these would be my thoughts exactly while battling myself to fall asleep.

What was also nice was how both my dad and my dog looked like. Healthy, just as one would say you'd like to remember him. I was holding his hand as he was dying and not even once I dreamed of him in this state, instead he's always healthy and full of color. Also his voice, he sounded exactly like when he was alright and what was scary was that I'd forgotten how his voice sounds like. I cannot imagine it right now.

[tolgaocal80]

I read, subconscious sometimes communicates with us with our loved ones face, best or worst version of themself ,depends on the situation,

this last paragraph you wrote made me some realizations about my life
Probably its been a long time but RIP your father.

[Shannon]

The future cannot be controlled? Now there's a faulty belief if I ever saw one. Understanding that, and why it is faulty, will likely help you disconnect from a lot of fear.

First, I will state that time is an illusion precipitated upon your conscious mind by the limits of your conscious mind and your physical nervous system. They simply cannot handle, nor easily comprehend, how things really work. As you go deeper into the subconscious, you find that it perceives time as less and less of a "point of now" (as the "conscious" mind perceives it) and more and more of a "smear centered on the point of now the "conscious" mind experiences as 'time in the now'". In other words, as you go deeper and deeper into the subconscious you find that it experiences as "now" what the "conscious" mind thinks is the past and future. If this were not so, then TID could not happen. I'm not making this up, this is the result of research and experiments over decades.

Every moment of time, you have a choice as to what you will do in response to whatever stimulus you are experiencing. This choice exists on all of your levels of awareness, from "conscious" to "subconscious" to "superconscious". This choice is what determines what you do, which in turn determines the probability you experience, and thus what your "experienced reality" is and becomes.

For example, if you choose in the heat of the moment to pull the trigger on a criminal who is trying to mug you, you will experience the probability line that results from it, and each moment you alter that probability with more choices in response to the stimulus you experience in each moment. You might hit the criminal and kill them, and then face a lengthy court case to determine your innocence, during which your choices and actions may lead you out of the court room with an exoneration, or as a prisoner bound for a life sentence in prison. If you choose not to pull the trigger, you may end up getting shot by the thug and dying, or having the thug report you playing the victim of "some maniac with a gun pointed at me" or have the rest of the day be very uneventful.

An infinite number of possibilities extend from that one moment in which you make the decision to either draw your gun or not, and then if you did, to either pull the trigger or not. What you actually experience depends on what you are most likely to choose, which is what probability lines are: lines of result from probable choices, not just possible ones.

You control your future by what you choose to do in response to the stimulus you experience a hundred times a second and more. You control your future by what you choose to believe is true, because those beliefs are what will shape the resulting decisions and the actions that in turn result from them.

There are of course circumstances you cannot control in your future. For example, you're not likely to do much about changing your genes in certain ways. But even that is becoming less and less set in stone.

It's all about what you choose to believe, and what those beliefs cause you to conclude is the best choice of action and reaction for each moment of stimulus.

And ALL of these possibility and probability lines aren't just "possible and probable". They exist already. The question is, which will you choose to focus your awareness into and experience each moment?

You have a LOT of control over your "future", and yes, man lives in the past, present and future. Your conscious mind and nervous system cannot handle that much data, so they largely ignore it. But that doesn't change what is.

So basically, your beliefs lead to your thoughts, which become your point of view, which results in your responses, which become your choices and then your actions, which decide which "future" you will choose to experience. But it is your choice, whether you take responsibility for it or not.

Consider this. If I believe that I cannot influence my future, then I won't try, and I will stumble through life at the mercy of random choices, subconscious choices, and other people's choices. It will seem as if I have no control of my life, which will spark fear of lack of control, which will create a control freak response. The irony is that it is a control freak response based on the belief that there is no way to have control. This would likely spiral out of control as a fear response.

The truth is, what I choose determines my future. If I choose to go rob a bank, then my future will include probability lines that feature prison time, being murdered, or moving to another country and living it up while I still have money. If I choose instead to go work for my money, and then do smart things with it to become a multi-millionaire, then my future does not include the probability of going to jail or prison for robbing a bank, and it does not include the probability of being killed for the money by one of my accomplices, and it does not include the probability of me escaping the country to go live it up in some tourist country while I have money. It can't, because the precipitating event that opens the doors to those probabilities never happened in the reality I chose to focus myself into, and so it is outside my experience.

You have a lot of control of your future. It depends on what you choose to believe and what choices and actions you make.

[Mystic Pymp]

Please indulge me @Shannon with some discussion, I think I understand your point well, but you may not understand mine.

The future cannot be controlled? Now there's a faulty belief if I ever saw one. Understanding that, and why it is faulty, will likely help you disconnect from a lot of fear.

Future is uncertain, just as past and present are. I know I was fine and I am fine, but I don't know if I will be fine. There is no path that will 100% guarantee everything will be fine as I'd like it. This is what I mean. Of course, assuming free will is true (and I believe there is free will and our choices are not preordained), we control the outcome. But we are uncertain what that outcome may be.

First, I will state that time is an illusion precipitated upon your conscious mind by the limits of your conscious mind and your physical nervous system. They simply cannot handle, nor easily comprehend, how things really work. As you go deeper into the subconscious, you find that it perceives time as less and less of a "point of now" (as the "conscious" mind perceives it) and more and more of a "smear centered on the point of now the "conscious" mind experiences as 'time in the now'". In other words, as you go deeper and deeper into the subconscious you find that it experiences as "now" what the "conscious" mind thinks is the past and future. If this were not so, then TID could not happen. I'm not making this up, this is the result of research and experiments over decades.

I'm inclined to agree. I have my opinions but I think there are not important here. Time is not linear though, that much is hard to argue against.

Every moment of time, you have a choice as to what you will do in response to whatever stimulus you are experiencing. This choice exists on all of your levels of awareness, from "conscious" to "subconscious" to "superconscious". This choice is what determines what you do, which in turn determines the probability you experience, and thus what your "experienced reality" is and becomes.

For example, if you choose in the heat of the moment to pull the trigger on a criminal who is trying to mug you, you will experience the probability line that results from it, and each moment you alter that probability with more choices in response to the stimulus you experience in each moment. You might hit the criminal and kill them, and then face a lengthy court case to determine your innocence, during which your choices and actions may lead you out of the court room with an exoneration, or as a prisoner bound for a life sentence in prison. If you choose not to pull the trigger, you may end up getting shot by the thug and dying, or having the thug report you playing the victim of "some maniac with a gun pointed at me" or have the rest of the day be very uneventful.

An infinite number of possibilities extend from that one moment in which you make the decision to either draw your gun or not, and then if you did, to either pull the trigger or not. What you actually experience depends on what you are most likely to choose, which is what probability lines are: lines of result from probable choices, not just possible ones.

Just like Feynman's path integral formulation of quantum mechanics. Again, nothing I'd argue against.

You control your future by what you choose to do in response to the stimulus you experience a hundred times a second and more. You control your future by what you choose to believe is true, because those beliefs are what will shape the resulting decisions and the actions that in turn result from them.

There are of course circumstances you cannot control in your future. For example, you're not likely to do much about changing your genes in certain ways. But even that is becoming less and less set in stone.

You control the future but you don't know the future, not consciously you don't. And that's my point. You can make a choice to go left or right but you do not necessarily know what will be at the end of that route. That's what makes me anxious, or at least I think it does. Not lack of control but disappointment even when you'd say you did everything right.

You cannot know the future, that would violate free will. You may know the most probable future but this is not the same. You know astrology, right? Is one slave to their horoscope or can it be overcome using free will? Yeah, exactly.

It's all about what you choose to believe, and what those beliefs cause you to conclude is the best choice of action and reaction for each moment of stimulus.

This is why I wanted to write lengthy response. You cannot CHOOSE to believe. You simply believe. You can modify your beliefs through effort (meditation, learning, observation, experiments etc.) but this is not a choice. I cannot choose to believe in Ahura Mazda all of the sudden. Or that if I wish it strong enough all my dreams will come true - if that were the case the trivial LOA stuff would do wonders (and it can, but it takes more than simply believing). For example all my life I believed I cannot be fit. Then, through effort, I changed this belief and started to lose weight seemingly effortlessly. But it was not a choice, it was a long process.

And belief is important as 99% of choices are made subconsciously, conscious mind mostly serves to justify already made decisions. There is strong will of course, but that's another story.

I think I don't need to respond to the further text as it's just explaining previous points. So, in short again, I don't say I'm powerless and at mercy when it comes to my future. It's that I don't know consequences of my choices. I may try my very best and fail and knowing this it's easy not to try. Who wants to be Don Kichote fighting the windmills?

So, once again - future is uncertain, not uncontrollable. It was a poor choice of words (I used both).

If you consider me fatalist and find my reasoning flowed (and my defense just an act when lies are all I've got) feel free to point them out to me. I ain't gonna better myself if I don't learn.

[Shannon]

You cannot know the future, that would violate free will. You may know the most probable future but this is not the same. You know astrology, right? Is one slave to their horoscope or can it be overcome using free will? Yeah, exactly.

Discussion of astrology on the main forum is against the rules.  I'll give you that as a warning, and respond with this.  You are neither a slave to your natal chart, nor can it be "overcome with free will".  You will express that chart, regardless of what you do or try to do.  The misunderstanding comes as a result of the fact that most people think that a natal chart is one or two dimensional.  On the contrary, each placement has a spectrum of potential, ranging from 100% negative pole to 100% positive pole, and given how many points of interest exist in a chart, the potential combinations are effectively infinite.  You cannot escape expressing your natal chart.  How you choose to express it, positive or negative pole for each point, is your choice.  Even if you don't know you're expressing that chart.  Furthermore, astrology can be used to make long term accurate predictions, such as my prediction in 2014 that we would be having the issues we are having in 2017-18-19-20-21-22.  There are things you can change by free will, and things bigger than what you can change or even influence.

Knowing the future violates nobody's free will.  I know the future all the time.  Every day, I look into the future and I actively use my free will to decide which possible future I want to experience with that knowledge.  There isn't just one future; there are infinite possible futures, and all you need to do to access the one you want is to do the things that result in that future.  For example, if I use an ASRB of 5:3 for E4, it will make me a LOT more money than otherwise, and it will make a LOT more people happy.  Okay, so I choose that ASRB over the 60+ other options I could choose.

This morning, I chose where to go to breakfast based on the same thing.  I want to achieve goal X, so I find the key that takes me there and I execute that key.  

You don't have my predictive models, but to a large extent, you don't need them.  I'll bet you can predict what will be the result if you drive your car to an oil change shop, park, hand the keys to an attendant, and tell them you want an oil change.  I know I can!

I bet you know what will happen if you go to the grocery store with the intent of buying Granny Smith Apples, whether or not they have those apples.

I bet you know what will happen if you walk out onto a public beach and start trying to pour gasoline on sunbathers.

I know that if I save 10% of my paycheck each month, I will have money saved up at the end of the year that I can use as a cushion for unexpected expenses, or maybe I can invest it instead.  That doesn't require a predictive model to know.  Knowing the future is as simple as using logic to know that if I do X, then Y will result.  That's how and why Warren Buffet became a billionaire: he chose the future he wanted without using a predictive system (he even advises against trying to use them) by using his brain, logic and knowledge.  He knew before he started investing what his goal was, and he used common sense, knowledge and logic to achieve that goal.  He chose which future to experience.  Just like you can.  Using your good old free will.

This is why I wanted to write lengthy response. You cannot CHOOSE to believe. You simply believe. You can modify your beliefs through effort (meditation, learning, observation, experiments etc.) but this is not a choice. I cannot choose to believe in Ahura Mazda all of the sudden. Or that if I wish it strong enough all my dreams will come true - if that were the case the trivial LOA stuff would do wonders (and it can, but it takes more than simply believing). For example all my life I believed I cannot be fit. Then, through effort, I changed this belief and started to lose weight seemingly effortlessly. But it was not a choice, it was a long process.

This is another faulty belief, and false.  You not only can CHOOSE to believe, you are unable NOT to choose.  For example, if I tell you that a quirple is a unit of measurement that tells you the power level of a subliminal, your brain and mind will process that information, and you will choose what to believe about it.  That choice may be largely subconscious, but it is still a choice being made.  The various parts of you and your awareness may not all see or understand one another, but they are all a part of the whole that makes up you.  

Your current beliefs are based on choices you made in the past.  Even your belief that you cannot choose whether or not to believe.  That is likely based on the limited awareness of what your conscious mind could observe and the limited amount of information you had to use to interpret that observation, but the resulting conclusion is a choice, as were the steps you took to arrive at that conclusion.  First, you had to choose what point of view you were going to use to frame the observed situation.  Then you had to choose whether to work out what it most likely meant with logic or emotion or some combination of the two.  Then you had to choose which pre-existing beliefs and memories to use to analyze the observed data and try to interpret it.  Then you had to choose what steps you would take to arrive at your conclusion, and at each step, what your choice of conclusions was at that step.  All these things may happen quickly, and many happen at levels your conscious mind cannot see or understand, but they are all choices you made.

And belief is important as 99% of choices are made subconsciously, conscious mind mostly serves to justify already made decisions. There is strong will of course, but that's another story.

The conscious mind serves many important functions that have nothing to do with justifying decisions.  It can change beliefs made by the subconscious mind, and choices made by the subconscious mind.  In fact it is vastly more powerful than most people give it credit for in those roles, which is why it is so much harder to make subliminals work at high levels than hypnosis or NLP, which use and interact with the conscious and subconscious minds simultaneously.

I think I don't need to respond to the further text as it's just explaining previous points. So, in short again, I don't say I'm powerless and at mercy when it comes to my future. It's that I don't know consequences of my choices. I may try my very best and fail and knowing this it's easy not to try. Who wants to be Don Kichote fighting the windmills?

Don Quixote was not jousting windmills because he didn't know the future.  He was jousting windmills because he was seeing what was in his imagination, instead of what was really there.  

Nobody has a perfect understanding of the consequences of their choices.  Even with the use of the predictive models, there are consequences I cannot see because I cannot look at every possible consequence without running out of time to make the choice I was trying to make in the first place.  But I can see short, medium and long term probabilities, some of which are more stable than others, using the predictive models and other predictive methods as well.

So, once again - future is uncertain, not uncontrollable. It was a poor choice of words (I used both).

Alright, then I will respond to uncertain, then.  All possible futures already exist; therefore the future is 100% certain.  The part that is not certain is... which of them will you choose to experience?

If you consider me fatalist and find my reasoning flowed (and my defense just an act when lies are all I've got) feel free to point them out to me. I ain't gonna better myself if I don't learn.

The above is my response.  If it makes sense, then use it.  If not then we can agree to disagree.  I have found that understanding what I am trying to explain to you has made my life MUCH better, and has led me to a lot less fear and a lot more success in life.  In the end, however, what you choose to believe is your choice.

[Mystic Pymp]

Wow, thanks Shannon for swift and great response. I wish I could respond in full but to be honest I need to read your post a couple of times to understand it well. There is a point or two that I might dispute but that's probably because I don't fully get your point yet. Maybe after several rereads I'll have some musings, I'll obviously post them here. At any rate that's a lot of stuff to throw at someone.

This whole "choose to believe" part is the hardest for me at this point. I guess it's due to either different understanding of terms we are using or me simply underestimating my ability to do it. If the latter then it's almost scary. How powerful fear must be to block this? And is there more than fear that makes it difficult to achieve? I guess you've answered it already, I just need to take my time and process it all.

It's helluva empowering thought however and a simple idea of being able to control more than I make myself believe may just have been what I needed. So thank you not only for sharing your knowledge and point of view, but also for this encouragement!

And BTW the astrology question was a rhetorical one, you needn't to answer it or simply state that I'm wrong

[Mystic Pymp]

Stage 2 Day 15 (1)

I've just gotten sick. Amazing. Nothing serious I hope, my my muscles ache, my head aches and is warm, I sneeze every hour or so - probably just a cold. Still any plans I had for weekend must probably be scraped. Oh joy.

It wouldn't be the first time I've gotten sick due to mental reasons. In the past, before I've gotten used to it, I'd always get sick before flying on a plane. My body trying to get me to avoid anxiety-inducing travel by the means of getting a cold.

Shannon's post gave me a lot of empowerment. Like I said I'll probably read it through a couple of times in the coming days (unless my head will keep hurting) to help me recognize my limiting beliefs. Yesterday I had this beautiful moment (which lasted about 2 hours) when my brain was trying to accommodate new information, finding arguments and counterarguments as well as new options and utilities for using it. It settled later on and I fell asleep quickly.

[Mystic Pymp]

cont.

I decided to go for a walk. Because of course I did. I felt fine, muscles stopped aching and so on, at least until I came back home.

Anyhow I was thinking because I got so sad and frustrated due to it being already dark. I'm not used to 8 PM being dark. And it will get worse. That got me thinking about rough timeline for the coming months and as these plans kinda work around LTU I thought I'd post them here, both for feedback and future reference. One note - I will equate months with LTU stages, so right now I'm in September = Stage 2. Obviously this will make things a couple of days off, but it's not important. It's all back of the envelope calculations anyway.

Historically October and November were the worst months for me. It's not that the days are short, it's that they are getting shorter. December is easier as days are no longer getting noticeably shorter and one gets used to little sunlight. As Stage 2 seems to be the tough one and Stage 3 is October I don't presume things will be moving smoothly for the next weeks. I'll try to focus on work as much as possible - it should keep me sane and it's a good source of accomplishment.

November, while tough, is better, depending really on October's weather. October always reminds me of rain, November not so much, so bad weather October will make November easier while nice October will make November still part of a transition and as such pain in the butt. Anyhow, with stage 4 I'd expect things to go better, maybe starting some projects of mine?

December is when the days are shortest but it's also time when one already feels Christmas. Last Christmas was terrible as that were the first festivities without my dad but now I hope it'll be better. So there is something to look forward to. Also it's a great time to do summaries of the past year and make plans for the next. I'm not sure how Stage 5 will fit into this, but last year it worked well for me.

January... The coldest month but also time of hope. Days are finally getting longer, it won't get any colder and you come will all the plans and resolutions. If I were to run LTU 5 I'd use it to do these resolutions, but my relationship with LTU 6 is less cordial so I don't know if I'll be able to jumpstart anything with it. At any rate I'd expect a lot of progress till that time and maybe I'll have more ideas.

And then February, March... Right now I'd day I'll probably be running LTU 6 refresher after Stage 6 but it's way too early to say. I remember AM6 refresher as one of my favorite subs ever, so there is a nice precedence. Bit maybe I'll rerun LTU 6 or do DMSI or whatever. I guess it will all depend on my priorities at that moment.

I just wanna to say, with my return to normal working schedule this, here, today, it's like the end of an era. If I were to write a autobiography I'd call it the COVID chapter or whatever. And while COVID is still here and will be here, kind of opportunity it gave me was unique. I didn't waste these months and I sure hope I won't waste the coming ones. It feels like this Autumn and Winter will be another era with new set of challenges coming in Spring (finishing weight loss with 5 out of 25kg left, maybe starting dating again).

Whatever happens I'll be ready. Bring it on!

[Mystic Pymp]

Stage 2 Day 16 (0)

Feeling better but my muscles ache even worse. Also no sneezing but my head is still warm sometimes. The pain got so bad in fact that during my walk, which yesterday gave me respite, today was a chore. I just wanted to get back home as soon as possible because I didn't have energy to go.

I hope this will end soon-ish. On Monday I'd like to go back to work. I don't have to... kinda? There will be apparently a week or so of transition period as people move back from summer vacation and are getting used to COVID environment. Which is nice as I get paid either way. Still, I don't fancy slacking off any longer than I needed - this week my productivity was very low so I'd like to catch up on my projects.

And it's not only about the work, all my self-improvement projects got kicked in the teeth. The first week of Stage 2 was relatively fine, but the second one drained me to my core. My physical manifestation of my problems it will be hard to do much useful work on Monday. We'll see how it goes.

[Mystic Pymp]

Stage 2 Day 17 (1)

I went for a night walk. For a couple of seconds, before I got used to it, air smelled of Winter. It's funny how seasons have their own smells? I've gotten used to it after a while and as it was not that cold outside this feeling didn't reappear. Also did I mention I seem to be ahead of the curve when it comes to my Autumn sadness?

Today I had quite an achievement. I've beaten Morrowind and started playing expansions. I mean wow, I've completed a video game, what a madlad. Let me explain.

First of all Morrowind is more than just a game for me. Sure, it's a very cool game and I honestly enjoy it to this day, music is spot-on and nostalgic, graphics may lack but vistas are still awesome and there are mods for facelift, the world itself is captivating etc. However, there's more. This is one of the first games I've played in English out of my free will. I was learning English via tv series and Morrowind. And Morrowind did not hold any punches, imagine reading weird esoteric stuff at A2-B1 level of English Also Morrowind introduced me to occultism, philosophy, religion and ethnic studies and probably more. It's safe to say I'm who I am today because of this game. So yeah, it is a big deal.

Secondly I've make Morrowind into kind of my personal project. I've been modding it for a week in July and played it daily for some time. However, then came time when I almost completed the game and just stopped. I was telling myself because the end quest was redone in a mod and I've never played it again and I didn't know if it will work. But to be honest I just didn't know what I'd do if I were to complete the game. I've completed it before once, in 2012 I believe. I've played, modded and read about it for thousands of hours and just now completed it for the second time. It was always this proof that I am unable to complete what I'd start. Now thought I went through it and loved every second of it.

Now onto Tribunal and Bloodmoon. Also I've completed only two factions, will leave a couple for my next playthrough somewhere in 2021 but some are screaming to complete them. Plus dozens of misc quests, mod quests etc.

One if these days I'll switch my avatar from Aragorn to Vivec.

[Benjamin]

They've been remaking it in the Skyrim engine as a mod. But it's been going for a few years now so who knows when it'll be done.



I tried Morrowind back when it come out but it didn't hook me as much as Oblivion and Skyrim. Especially Oblivion. I tried to play it recently again and even modded it just looks too horrible for me now.