Strumming my Brain with MLS 3.0 Journal

[Ampersnd]

Day 89,

I'm almost done my 90 day journey. I quit BASE to run this subliminal due to a new job position in which I had very little training. Needless to say, I now feel very confident in my work position, and would be okay with switching to another subliminal at this point. I also think that the need to sleep has been attenuated. I have a really good memory, which became automatized in the past 30 days, and hasn't been tested with foreign language vocab.

I would say that declarative memory is very solid, but procedural memory is tricky; I still can't sing to my liking, which is why I'll keep listening to MLS. But, electric guitar playing has been night and day. I've been improving like crazy, but the skills haven't crystallized to the point where I would feel comfortable with playing a difficult song from start to finish. I have 4-6 guitar song projects going on at this time, but none have been perfected.

I will continue using MLS to deepen my guitar skills, and to support the detox I've just begun (there is scripting in this sub for detox). I would feel comfortable with ending MLS once I develop a solid singing technique for the songs I want to sing. Then, it's on to DMSI.

[Ampersnd]

Day 90,

Monday night (it's now Wednesday), I figured out another supplement that caused an instant laxative effect, which means that I'll have to take it orally. And another today. So, I will test two finals supplements, and then I'll have enough information to determine which supplements to take, and when.

As you may know, today was the 90th day, which means I'll be stopping for at least one week. I've also restarted 'Stop Masturbating 4G', but I surmise the effects won't be too intense from using 4G with 5.5G. I'll use it for at least one week. We'll see what will happen. So far, my mind starts with an urge to jerk it, followed by an instant unconscious smackdown of that thought.

[Zane]

Day 90,

Monday night (it's now Wednesday), I figured out another supplement that caused an instant laxative effect, which means that I'll have to take it orally. And another today. So, I will test two finals supplements, and then I'll have enough information to determine which supplements to take, and when.

As you may know, today was the 90th day, which means I'll be stopping for at least one week. I've also restarted 'Stop Masturbating 4G', but I surmise the effects won't be too intense from using 4G with 5.5G. I'll use it for at least one week. We'll see what will happen. So far, my mind starts with an urge to jerk it, followed by an instant unconscious smackdown of that thought.

Pretty Sure you will notice effects from SM-4G. What I have noticed that SM-4G gives me motivation to do stuff even though I relapse but it gets a little hard cause I fap way to much on SM-4G even though I am motivated.. I am waiting for Shannon to upgrade it into 5.5G with all the healing modules in the default script.

[Ampersnd]

Post-Part 1 of MLS
Stop Masturbating, Day 1 of 7+.

In the past few days, I've been able to 'click in' to what accurate playing feels like on an electric guitar. I've developed this ability on acoustic, and it's a different ballgame. Today, I practice lead guitar on the electric, got it to full speed, then jumped on the acoustic and brought it to 1.03-1.07 speed (3 to 7% faster than the album version) and corrected the mistakes intrinsic to the acoustic guitar. Then I went back to the electric at full speed, and the old electric guitar mistakes re-appeared. I couldn't play at full speed. This is a useful practice technique that I should exploit more, given that I had to use an overpowered technique for the acoustic that was not adapted for electric, and it would take some time to re-adjust. In other words, I'll jump back and forth in order to develop the 'feel' required to fix my technique.

[Ampersnd]

Post-Part 1 of MLS
Stop Masturbating, Day 2 of 7+

Couldn't fall asleep last night, even sleeping in past 12:30 pm. I woke up at 5:55 am, and felt more energized than even Tuesday morning (the last time I mentioned feeling good).

I left the house at around 7:10 am, and didn't stop until 9:30 pm, and only started to take it easier getting back and unpacking. I was an extra on the set of a TV show all day today; I only actually performed as an extra for about 1.5 - 2.0 hours of the total 11.25 hours. I spent plenty of time on reading, and I had a number of new ideas for the book, but I had a couple of mini-carb crashes from the food available. But I clearly have more energy.

However, my speaking felt a lot clunkier and difficult to articulate. I came off as a little awkward, and I made goofier jokes. Another thing is that I've felt a little constipated and bloated. Maybe using the occasional laxative can be beneficial (or maybe it caused the constipation from the multiple uses this week).

No cuties on set this time. I drove to a smaller town for this shoot.

[Ampersnd]

I'm getting tired at around 1:15am.

I'm having the urge to masturbate, but whenever I would normally make the choice to 'go for it', my brain shuts it down. I'm still looking up photos of curvy women, but they're not naked.

At one point this evening, I had an erection so hard that I couldn't bend it to one side or the other through my pants. It was very stubborn. This is something that the detox plan mentioned.

[Ampersnd]

Yesterday, I spent a bunch of time with some 18-year olds when working as a background actor for a tv series. Listening to them talk made me realize how different my priorities were back then. It used to be about people and events. Now I'm big on ideas, some events, and principles. It was very weird.

[Ampersnd]

Based on my symptoms, I can tell that I'm doing some heavy processing. I slept 9 hours last night, which is normal. and overdue since I woke up early 5 days in a row. But then, about 7 hours later, I got so incredibly tired that I needed to take a nap. I've caught a second wind, so it's not all bad. But this never happens.

It's also my cheat day, but I couldn't enjoy it, let alone eat even a fraction of what I bought, due to full bloated and constipated. I just recently inserted MSM in the back-end, and got some relief there.

Furthermore, I look at myself in the mirror, and look dreary and run-down. There's no charisma or real energy. I don't look handsome at all.

[Ampersnd]

I might have sleep just under 11 hours tonight without listening to any subliminal programs. Yeah, something going on behind the scenes

[Benjamin]

I'm not sure if you plan to do more salt flushes but I discovered something. I was nearly turned off them because it tastes so horrible, after doing it like 3 or so times and adding more salt it was so bad I nearly decided to stop doing them.

But today I did one again after reading you can squeeze some fresh lemon juice into it and it's better. Tried it and I was able to drink the water much easier. So that's something to keep in mind.

[Ampersnd]

Post-Part 1 of MLS
Stop Masturbating, Day 4 of 7+,

I might jump back to MLS sooner than 7 days lol. Just cause it'll be fun to jump back into it.

I had my acting class. Afterward, I stopped by Walmart and picked up an electric shaver and Argan oil of Morocco shampoo and penetrating hair oil. I used both of them once back home and the results have been great. Hair is very nice, and my unruly beard-in-progress is much more stable and looks like an actual beard.

EDIT: The 18-year old from my class is paying me no mind. Technically speaking, I'm unattractive to young, beautiful women, given that none of the women towards whom I feel attraction feel the same way towards me. It doesn't matter how much I tell myself that I'm an attractive man, the evidence just does not reflect it. I do get plenty of looks from much older women, and the attraction starts from women over 30.

I've had a quasi-final sugary meal before I stick to a low/no sugar diet with no cheat days. This is a part of my detox, as a way to improve my gut flora, digestion, and absorption. Based on the white covering on my tongue that frequently appears, I seem to have a yeast overgrowth, which loves sugar. Coconut oil does help, but probiotics is good, as well as good yeast, sea kelp, and L-glutamine. The diet will be there to help prevent flareups in my gut, which would undo my detox efforts, but then I will introduce these supplements to get my gut working properly.

[Raz]

Have you thought about giving xylitol a try as a sugar alternative?

I like it a lot and it is the best stuff for oral health in my book. I think it might also be a good thing in connection with your yeast overgrowth.

[Ampersnd]

Never used xylitol as a sugary food. I've had it in my chewing gum.

Post-Part 1 of MLS
Stop Masturbating, Day 5 of 7+,

Today, I tapped into a core emotional pain, not relating to anything specific. But it's allowed for me to reflect on my life about causes and effects. It's as though once I clear this pain, it will be converted to compassion for others. I wasn't able to look people in the eyes at work for fear of tearing up and breaking down emotionally.

[GRAPHIC - READ AT OWN RISK] Partway through the day, I felt this strange toxic feeling inside me. I was concerned because I had a mild urge to go to the bathroom, but wasn't able to defecate whenever I used the toilet (constipated, I guess). Once I get home, I immediately use the NAC suppository that I made for these occasions. Over the course of 10 minutes, I make a much larger than average BM. I purged all this junk from my body, and I think that I was correct in my assessment. I felt a bit better, but I still have this unsteady emotional core. I hope to deal with this while sleeping tonight.

[Ampersnd]

Post-Part 1 of MLS
Stop Masturbating, Day 6 of 7+,

I can still feel processing inside of me; negative emotions were still present, but they were attenuated in the morning drive to work.
At one point after work, I had the inner sense of the following: 'life is a fun, worthwhile experience'. After making some efforts on my book list (60-70 pages later), I've lost my motivation. I feel like my motivation has shifted. I'll work on guitar scales and theory for the next little while. I'll play MLS tomorrow after work (guess that makes 7 days after all).