Subliminal Talk

Day 3 of MLS

-18 days of DMSI 3.1

I'm aware of one change in a very consistent pattern I've had for the last few years: my ability to cope with my hypervigilance/panic-attacks/flashbacks has increased, off medication.

As a result of growing up in a violent house, even now when I'm out in public I tend to be very paranoid about getting attacked or somehow harmed.

My hypothesis was that the fight/flight instinct shuts down the parts of the brain related to learning in favor of strengthening all the parts related to survival. To learn at maximum speed, I couldn't continually engage my fight/flight/freeze instincts, as that would be counterproductive. So MLS may actually be of great help in getting over my PTSD or at least coping with it better day-to-day.

So far I've found this to be true. I've actually gone off all my anti-anxiety medication in testing this.

What MLS does for me is that during the states of high-anxiety, I can often forget that I'm safe in the panic. It's a simple thing, but in a high-anxiety state the parts of my brain that are responsible for that shut down. On MLS, when the anxiety begins, I notice I re-examine the situation, notice all the triggers, and calmly remind myself that I'm safe, breathe and let it go much faster than off MLS. I'm able to do this off MLS of course, but it usually requires more energy, more time, more attention to my anxiety than I can often give it.

I'm interested in seeing how the healing of MLS will effect this. Currently, I haven't found the healing in E2 or DMSI to do much more than slightly lessen the symptoms, or make me okay with them. The day-to-day coping though can often be exacerbated by the healing, which has caused me much grief when I've had to be around people for extended periods of time.

Programming Progress:

One of my goals is to obtain a B.S. in Computer Science. So I'll be using MLS to increase my goals and achieve all the other academic things I need for this.

A sub-goal of attaining my degree is to immediately achieve a job where I can use my programming knowledge day-to-day. The absolute lowest entry job for this is becoming a Test Automation Engineer or a QA Developer, a goal I should be able to complete within 4 months. Hopefully MLS shortens this journey.

Anyway, on day 2 I logged into the coding site FreeCodeCamp. My previous high score was 91 coding assignments completed. Looking at the day of completion I saw that I had accomplished this over a total of 4 days in October of 2015. I got up to 95 in 2 hours sitting down with my laptop day 2, which is one of the first concrete signs that MLS is working for me as far as learning goes.

The tasks themselves aren't so hard, but my concentration and mastery of new knowledge in a field I'm not familiar with is crap. The fact that I was able to sit down and plug away for the whole 2 hours (taking 3-5 min breaks every 25 mins, also a sub-goal of MLS ) tells me that the subliminal is working quite well.

I'm currently doing more tasks as I type this and find that my ability to recall what I learned previously is very high. Within a few minutes I feel like I jumped right back into finishing the session I started yesterday. All the data is immediately available to me.

Edit: the average time for completion is 5 hours.


Granted I had done the majority of tasks before, but that was almost 2 years previously.

day 4-5 of MLS

Did some work yesterday and finished the second course for programming, another 5 hour course I went through in like an hour. The flow state was unreal.

What I was going to type was "not much happened yesterday." Ridiculous how easy I forget/try to sabotage my own results.

Didn't get much done today as far as my main goals of programming is concerned. Really skimmed through a bunch of material on my computer at rapid speed, not able to really sit down and focus. The material that I read was very quickly absorbed though, and "integrated," as in I understand it's implications in my life and it seems my mind is figuring out where and how to best use what I've learned.

Two interesting things happened today:
I was playing a game that's purpose is improving cognition and was having a hard time focusing, constantly thinking about all the points I was missing. A lot of perfectionism, shame, guilt and anxiety was popping up. All of a sudden, it was like my eyes and body relaxed and allowed me to really see everything that was going on, and stop taking things personally and just perform better.

The second thing was while I was skimming through random material on my laptop I had a very clear thought of "I need to think bigger," and another clear thought of "I'm scared."

So it seems a lot of clearing is taking place.

Days 6-7 of MLS

Haven't played MLS for more than a loop and a half these last two days.

First my Mp3 player fell into the toilet (clean toilet, but still ), then the left side of my headphones went out, then last night they both stopped working. Inconvenient, but hey, I'll just play MLS from my laptop speakers as I sleep. And... my laptop is no longer charging.

I was using it in the University lounge then I got up and went to Starbucks and found it was no longer charging. Tried 3 different ports, nothing. Even went back to the University lounge that I was at just 30 minutes previous and found that it wouldn't work there either.

What the fuck lol. I'm curious if this is unconscious resistance as this is all too coincidental.

Anyway, enough bitching, here are my results:

My procrastination is slowly going away. First of all, it's being highlighted and I'm being made aware of when I procrastinate, which makes it easier to get back on task. Secondly, I'm finding my desire to procrastinate to be diminishing. I'm less interested in the sites and things I do to procrastinate. It's still here, but I imagine that it'll continue to be dealt with and I'll procrastinate less and less.

I've been itching to approach women since I started MLS. I feel very little fear, although I haven't been in the best circumstances to do so. Soon I'll be in better circumstances and I'll be doing more of it. I've been making observations to women I see around me during the day automatically and I'll have them stop and talk to me for a while before I end the conversation or they continue where they're going. If I'm doing this with just 3 women a day, that's 90 women a month. In the course of my run of MLS I'm sure I'll secure quite a few numbers, dates and lays. That was an issue I had with DMSI in that although I should have been approaching more, I was usually too depressed and anxious to do so.

I'm noticing things like my humor, presence and general charisma are increasing on MLS in ways they weren't on DMSI, which is why I'll continue to run MLS for at least 6 months. I'm sure DMSI helped in clearing all sorts of bullshit I'm not aware of, but I'm no longer interested in the goal when I can accomplish it myself.

Another thing of note here is that I've been hanging out at my local University more. I chose to go to Community College and didn't even take my SATs or try to get into University. With what MLS is bringing up now I think a lot of that may have just been fear, feelings of unworthiness and such. I hang out at the University library instead of the college library now to get my studying done because I like the environment better. I want to transfer here in a semester or two, and it seems my brain is priming itself to be a student.

I'm learning to trust MLS more and more. Sometimes I'll have thoughts and feelings pop up that are a bit foreign. Rather than look at them distrustingly, I've been allowing them to guide me. This has resulted in ideas and new ways of looking at things that are much better for me. The effects of MLS are often so subtle that I don't realize it's working so rather than look for results, as long as my speakers are set up properly I just have faith in the program.

My programming journey is still ongoing. Some days I'm just completely out of it. Regardless I've found myself logging on and completing just one coding challenge, if I can't do anything else. I'm keeping a steady streak of logging on daily, regardless of how much I do. This will pay big as it makes sure my progress is consistent. Also it's much easier to do more challenges after you beat the inertia of doing the first one.

Mostly I'm learning to be patient because I have a to-do list that I can't possibly accomplish in a week or two. Some of the things that I want to learn aren't simply a matter of learning, I have to make lifestyle changes, adopt new beliefs and form new identities. I'm realizing that I can't possibly exceed myself and trying is stupid. Trying to do more than I possibly can (within a reasonable limit) just fuels a poor self-perception, which is detrimental to learning.

Lots of clearing going on. Mostly around low self-esteem and my attempts to rid myself of it or improve it. One of the bad habits I have is trying to do too much at once in an attempt to clear everything away in one day. I'm learning to go up against my anxiety and actually face the problems that I'm attempting to clear away with learning rather than blocking them out and hoping what I learn will take care of them.

There's also a lot of resentment towards my peers and the things I've done to fit in, like appearing dumber than I am or smarter than I am. I've given up a lot of my own desires to fit in, and the clearing is working on helping me become more independent and own my beliefs about what I want to learn rather than abandoning them.

With certain things I'm trying to learn I'm taking a long term approach rather than a short-term burst of activity and the inevitable slump and disinterest. 30 minutes a day, or 30 minutes in the morning, 30 minutes at night. Over the course of a week that's 3.5-7 hours of time. Over the course of a month thats 15-30 hours. A year it's 180 hrs - 360 hrs, more than enough to be proficient at most things and even master a few.

MLS is also showing me how to get what I want immediately and then build upon that. For example, I'm trying to improve my posture. I identified a few bad habits I've picked up and simple, easy ways to correct them and immediately improve my posture. The more advanced things I can now learn at a leisurely pace and build upon the habits I've already learned.

(07-30-2017, 05:53 AM)Bookstacks DC737 Wrote: [ -> ]With certain things I'm trying to learn I'm taking a long term approach rather than a short-term burst of activity and the inevitable slump and disinterest. 30 minutes a day, or 30 minutes in the morning, 30 minutes at night. Over the course of a week that's 3.5-7 hours of time. Over the course of a month thats 15-30 hours. A year it's 180 hrs - 360 hrs, more than enough to be proficient at most things and even master a few

I noticed I'm doing this automatically with activities at work. Tackling the most important and ignoring the minor stuff. Before MLS 5.5, I tried to do it all.

I was reading the rest of a book I had picked up when I got tired. I put my laptop down and rested on my backpack for a good 15 minutes. During that time I had a dream where my mom was telling me that I would never escape the current situation I was in. I was fully present in my body and self so I was able to realize that what she was saying was untrue.

My guess is that the healing is bringing up deeply unconscious beliefs and showing it to me in an attempt to get over these things. It’s in effect rewiring the brain. It’s taking those things that are running from our more primitive, automatic parts and connecting them to our more "adult" parts, so they no longer trigger automatically.

In addition, I’ve noticed that I’ve been seeing a lot of attraction from white women. During my entire DMSI run I only wanted to date black women. It seems my unconscious was actively filtering out women of other races for whatever reason. I’m noticing also an unconscious shift in my dealing with people of other races. Consciously I know I’m the equal of anyone, but unconsciously there were probably scripts running that were telling me I wasn’t.

I’m surprised at how big a role Stereotype Threat has played in the healing of MLS. I wasn’t aware that all my beliefs about my race were so significantly effecting my ability to learn and other areas of my life. One area it's effected is my masculinity. I've seen that a lot of people don't like overly masculine black men, so since my childhood I've done my best to not be the stereotype. The message simply was translated as "don't be masculine. don't be yourself."

As well as getting over race based beliefs I’ve also gained more and more confidence in myself and what I want to study and what I truly believe in, rather than falling into the beliefs of the majority. I’m originally from Africa and when I was young I consciously chose to forget the speaking of my language to better fit in. I can understand it and translate it to English, but I can’t speak it myself. While this clearing has been going on I’ve noticed that I’ve spontaneously been describing things in my mother tongue and I’m beginning to piece things together and relearn the language. I haven’t spoken it in about 16 years.

(07-30-2017, 05:51 PM)Bookstacks DC737 Wrote: [ -> ]As well as getting over race based beliefs I’ve also gained more and more confidence in myself and what I want to study and what I truly believe in, rather than falling into the beliefs of the majority. I’m originally from Africa and when I was young I consciously chose to forget the speaking of my language to better fit in. I can understand it and translate it to English, but I can’t speak it myself. While this clearing has been going on I’ve noticed that I’ve spontaneously been describing things in my mother tongue and I’m beginning to piece things together and relearn the language. I haven’t spoken it in about 16 years.

[edited as per rule 9]

Posting images like that is hardly appropriate due to what it stands for, just as much as if I or somebody posted white nationalist images. It goes both ways.

Discovering more and more of MLS as I use it.

One thing I realized is that many of the things I wanted to study were being studied out of fear. For example, I only wanted to learn programming because the career path pays quite a bit and it was "safe." I was getting frustrated with MLS as the first few days I used MLS I was getting into flow states and conquering much of my work load then it just stopped.

Today I decided to learn something I was genuinely interested in and managed to do a good 2 hours of work quite easily. I barely even took breaks until I finished a significant portion of my work. I was completely entranced and feeling really good with the work I was doing and having fun with the challenge.

So that tells me what the clearing has been doing these past few days.

My mind feels fairly cluttered with all there is to study and why I'm studying it exactly. I'm seeing this not as a challenge but as an opportunity to find what genuinely interests me.

The brain optimizing module is giving me profound benefits in regards to my PTSD and mood disorder. This has been the best sub I've run in regards to my mental health and I hope these inclusions make it into E3.

I'm looking forward to your Journal updates, since I am in the exact same shoes as you... working towards a Bsc in computer science while trying to earn money through web development on the side.

After using AM6 4 years ago first time in my life I got multiple girls falling in love with me same time, but they were only good for sex nothing more. After enjoying some time of this 2 years later I listened to it again and I seriously upgraded the quality of women interested in me, met my dream girl (sweet, submissive, feminine, petite, family oriented, virgin) and now I'm married with her having the best relationship I ever had.

So I know the subs work, which is why I now want to use them in the money department since I'm finished in the women department.

I whished I stumbled upon the subs earlier though, I really wasted so much precious years chasing girls when I was younger that I could have spent focusing on studying and advancing my career earlier, since I'm already late in the game by now. I really feel the pressure of having to start a family (sweet wife begging me to make babies ) so freecodecamp it is!

Quote:As a result of growing up in a violent house, even now when I'm out in public I tend to be very paranoid about getting attacked or somehow harmed.

ah yes about 7 years ago I had this exact same paranoia&anxiety too. For me it was caused by a breakup and consecutive long term isolation. Always had images appear in my mind as if somebody was about to stab me when he came near me and other crazy things.

Couldn't get rid of it for 1-2 years no matter how much I socialized and went to parties after I ended my isolation... then found out about "Open Focus" (google it) and could fix it fast&easy. There are tons of positive reviews about it... Just a few exercises and people got rid of approach anxiety, fear of heights, arachnophobia, fear related asthma and so strong agarophobia that no antidepressiva would help.

It's interesting that you mention Open Focus as thats one of the things I wanted to use MLS to "learn" as my meditative states seem to go deeper on MLS. I was using it for a few months in 2016 but I was continually dissatisfied that it didn't exactly cure me in a few tries so I stopped using it. I know now that any improvement is worthwhile and is the first steps to making a permenant change

I also have to note that I'm experiencing what feels like TID from 3.2, or there's a massive bloom from 3.1. As far as women and seduction goes I'm learning quite a lot and putting it into practice. Although it's not as big as having DMSI, when 3.2 is released and I have the skills + aura, watch the fuck out

the important thing with open focus is to use it 24/7 in your day to day life not just confine it in your 30 minute session per day.

You have to get used to realizing when you become anxious and then change to open focus immediately in the same second. The timing is important. If you change to open focus while the trigger is still there, the anxiety and the trigger get disconnected more and more. The more often you get the timing right the weaker the response is that the trigger can cause in you, until the trigger cannot cause any anxiety anymore at all.

If its too difficult to change to complete open focus on the go, then first just try with peripheral vision. You should be able to get a conscious control of your vision rather quickly and be able to change from peripheral to focused vision on command. next time when you feel anxious just switch to peripheral vision and it dissolves your anxiety. Its impossible to have anxiety with peripheral vision, anxiety and narrow focus go hand in hand.

As soon as something excites you, you automatically go to narrow focus. Got adrenaline from a fight? -> Narrow Focus. See a hot girl? -> Narrow Focus. Got anxiety during a public speech? Narrow focus. You can reverse the process by getting control of your vision and through peripheral vision you can manually "brute-force" an unexcited, relaxed mind. If you can extend your vision control to complete awareness control up to Open Focus of course its even more powerful. But for me the peripheral vision alone was already powerful enough to dampen any anxiety I'd get by 90% .