07-27-2017, 01:10 PM
Version A, lowered volume 2 notches
So I think I've mentioned earlier in my journal that I've been more intuitive. Well, every time I follow my intuition telling me to go somewhere, it either leads me to euphoria by just looking at how beautiful the world is and realizing how fking stupid I am for resisting multiple beautiful experiences because I'm scared, or it leads me to meet some friends of mine. That's most of the times at least, I've also ran into "C-type celebrities". Generally, it has been girls but has also been guys. This has happened on a scale where it simply can't be without DMSI telling me to go to these places at these times. I'm uncertain on why it works the way it works. Why do I "have" to spend 2 hours walking all over town to go to a specific place where I'll meet these people, why can't it just allow me to go straight to the place where they are, and at that time. I'm wondering if it's some sort of anti-resistance sort of programming where it takes me a step at a time, without giving me the complete reason(s) of why. Or it's trying to make me enjoy the "Now" and not just plan for the future.
Had my best friend here over the weekend, had a great time with him and I miss that crazy fker, we together always end up with things getting out of hand and us laughing our asses off to some hilarious shit with a circle of people just looking at us because we look like we can't breathe due to our laugh. Was about a year since we last saw each other so it was a good catchup. Also made me realize how much I'm stuck in my own head analyzing things, even when I'm not consciously analyzing. Seeing him again in 2 weeks and we'll be going to a festival, we'll probably get out of hand again and people will love us for it
Having dreams where I kill people in self-defense.
Had a period of 2½ days where I was non-stop eating. Was processing something internally making use of all that food. I'm not kidding when I say I had to eat food for 3 people with a 3-hour interval, for these 2 days. I woke up in the middle of the night needing to go up, eat and back to sleep. Did some extra loops over these days as well to help deal with it, whatever it was. NoFap streak also died these days.
Did another "intuitive experience" today, running into 2 girls I know.
A lot of respect/looks from people today, sat across a girl on the train whom I recognized, unsure from where though. She started doing IoI's, looking at me when she thinks I didn't notice. Showing off her body in weird unnatural ways.
Turns out I recognize her because she's my neighbor lol. Her face when she turned around towards me when she closed her door was insane. Couldn't help but burst out laughing when walking to my house. She couldn't take her eyes off me, but was also seemingly so afraid that I would notice her. 3.2 definitely have to work against affected-side resistance in some way.
I've mentioned earlier that B and A is different. It feels like A makes the girls attracted to you and then aroused, which seems to work better for my circumstances. B works the other way around, aroused first and then attracted. This also backfires sometimes making her aroused, not connecting that feeling to you, but someone else. At least that's what I've seen it as. Sometimes you can TELL it is because they want to make you jealous, but sometimes there's just something "off" where it seems genuine towards someone else. They also seemingly get scared/resist making move because it's not natural to do something like that to a guy they don't know.
On B girls seem to need more time to get "used" to the feelings B caused by your presence. When they are "used" to them, a girl will slowly let down her walls and allow you to push an interaction further.
This is at least how I interpret things, but I definitely see how this could be faulty.
Had some interesting experiences with A these latest days. Manifesting girls. "Overloading" girls if you can call it that where they simply can't HANDLE being in my presence without making a move, and they instead leave the direct area (affected side resistance). Mostly random girls of whom activate the sniper.
Last week I had a HUGE desire to get MLS and start doing 6 months of it. Recognized it as resistance and I'm sticking to A for at least another 2½ weeks. After that, I have to decide whether to continue with DMSI or switch to MLS for 6 months. I'm currently leaning towards MLS. But that also depends on what happens these 2 weeks. I'm aiming to moving to another country in the beginning of 2018, so what sub I'm going towards is simply going to be the one that will be able to help me financially achieving my goals, and that currently seems to be MLS. It also "fits the schedule" of a course I've been meaning to roll into this year.
I think I'm experiencing TID from MLS as well by having thoughts/memories pop up regarding my intelligence, my school-years and others people intelligence.
I've started with inner dialoguing again and I regret that I for some reason stopped with it at all.
Feldenkrais is lovely.
So I think I've mentioned earlier in my journal that I've been more intuitive. Well, every time I follow my intuition telling me to go somewhere, it either leads me to euphoria by just looking at how beautiful the world is and realizing how fking stupid I am for resisting multiple beautiful experiences because I'm scared, or it leads me to meet some friends of mine. That's most of the times at least, I've also ran into "C-type celebrities". Generally, it has been girls but has also been guys. This has happened on a scale where it simply can't be without DMSI telling me to go to these places at these times. I'm uncertain on why it works the way it works. Why do I "have" to spend 2 hours walking all over town to go to a specific place where I'll meet these people, why can't it just allow me to go straight to the place where they are, and at that time. I'm wondering if it's some sort of anti-resistance sort of programming where it takes me a step at a time, without giving me the complete reason(s) of why. Or it's trying to make me enjoy the "Now" and not just plan for the future.
Had my best friend here over the weekend, had a great time with him and I miss that crazy fker, we together always end up with things getting out of hand and us laughing our asses off to some hilarious shit with a circle of people just looking at us because we look like we can't breathe due to our laugh. Was about a year since we last saw each other so it was a good catchup. Also made me realize how much I'm stuck in my own head analyzing things, even when I'm not consciously analyzing. Seeing him again in 2 weeks and we'll be going to a festival, we'll probably get out of hand again and people will love us for it
Having dreams where I kill people in self-defense.
Had a period of 2½ days where I was non-stop eating. Was processing something internally making use of all that food. I'm not kidding when I say I had to eat food for 3 people with a 3-hour interval, for these 2 days. I woke up in the middle of the night needing to go up, eat and back to sleep. Did some extra loops over these days as well to help deal with it, whatever it was. NoFap streak also died these days.
Did another "intuitive experience" today, running into 2 girls I know.
A lot of respect/looks from people today, sat across a girl on the train whom I recognized, unsure from where though. She started doing IoI's, looking at me when she thinks I didn't notice. Showing off her body in weird unnatural ways.
Turns out I recognize her because she's my neighbor lol. Her face when she turned around towards me when she closed her door was insane. Couldn't help but burst out laughing when walking to my house. She couldn't take her eyes off me, but was also seemingly so afraid that I would notice her. 3.2 definitely have to work against affected-side resistance in some way.
I've mentioned earlier that B and A is different. It feels like A makes the girls attracted to you and then aroused, which seems to work better for my circumstances. B works the other way around, aroused first and then attracted. This also backfires sometimes making her aroused, not connecting that feeling to you, but someone else. At least that's what I've seen it as. Sometimes you can TELL it is because they want to make you jealous, but sometimes there's just something "off" where it seems genuine towards someone else. They also seemingly get scared/resist making move because it's not natural to do something like that to a guy they don't know.
On B girls seem to need more time to get "used" to the feelings B caused by your presence. When they are "used" to them, a girl will slowly let down her walls and allow you to push an interaction further.
This is at least how I interpret things, but I definitely see how this could be faulty.
Had some interesting experiences with A these latest days. Manifesting girls. "Overloading" girls if you can call it that where they simply can't HANDLE being in my presence without making a move, and they instead leave the direct area (affected side resistance). Mostly random girls of whom activate the sniper.
Last week I had a HUGE desire to get MLS and start doing 6 months of it. Recognized it as resistance and I'm sticking to A for at least another 2½ weeks. After that, I have to decide whether to continue with DMSI or switch to MLS for 6 months. I'm currently leaning towards MLS. But that also depends on what happens these 2 weeks. I'm aiming to moving to another country in the beginning of 2018, so what sub I'm going towards is simply going to be the one that will be able to help me financially achieving my goals, and that currently seems to be MLS. It also "fits the schedule" of a course I've been meaning to roll into this year.
I think I'm experiencing TID from MLS as well by having thoughts/memories pop up regarding my intelligence, my school-years and others people intelligence.
I've started with inner dialoguing again and I regret that I for some reason stopped with it at all.
Feldenkrais is lovely.