Subliminal Talk

(05-30-2016, 09:12 AM)apollolux Wrote: [ -> ]Find a punching bag and start wailing on it?

That would be fun but my mind took in 12 hrs fo stage 3. the interpretation and integration wore me out.

Does stage three make you enjoy working harder? +Probably not but Im starting to enjoy my workouts more. Especially the cardio portion( after upper body workout).

+Disapline only counts you feel like shit and you dont want to go workout. That is me because last night i was playing fallout 4 till 1am only to wake up at sunrise.

I found more motivation to work out harder in stage 3. But on stage 4, I think it focuses on other things, so I seemed to have lost that motivation lol.

(05-31-2016, 08:05 AM)wolverine_i_am Wrote: [ -> ]I found more motivation to work out harder in stage 3. But on stage 4, I think it focuses on other things, so I seemed to have lost that motivation lol.

That sucks in a way but its awesome there is motivation boosters so far.

I understand the temptation of Fallout 4 I played it like 80 hours, and just went back to play Far Harbor when it come out.

Day 7
-Went to a social event to only realize I'm still in my shell and couldnt relax or anything like that.

-had a dream of me being passive and not alpha. I have a subconsious non aggressive inferiority complex surfacing up. After some reflection it stems from porn. All the more reasons to quit porn.

+Increased desire to form a male support system or Stephen Mansfield's Band of Brothers, Guys that are brutally honest with each other so we all can be better.

Quote:“I turned to my guys and I said, ‘Look. Anything you need to say to make me a better man, say it. Anything you need to say to make me more successful and be better in all the roles that I play, say it. And I want you to be open to the same thing.’ That came about with a gentle turning of a group of friends into a bunch of guys who are partners with me in becoming the best men we could be.”

My closest friend told me it is almost impossible because people tend to have hidden agendas but I took it as he is saying it is impossible. I got slightly heated because I interpreted as being impossible.

+fiirst day of nofap and sub's effects seem to be more pronounced.

-slightly more verbally aggressive with my best friend and i have been feeling some distrust with another. Can't seem to know why. Perhaps i dislike reserved and closed off types of people. Ironic because that's inn how i am recently.

Edit:
As im working out I realize why I both hate it and enjoy it. I hate it because it is hard work and tough but i love it because it helps me feel alive and in the present moment.

random friend blindsided me with questions about my ex and it unleashed something furious inside my body. First, it was like a dagger struck me in my chest then I trembled uncontrollably in cold rage. Afterwards i feel like a weight has been lifted from my soul.

Stage 3 day 14.

+It seems like Stage 3 is giving me the quiet but strong vibe. Basically strong body language.

+ Im the subway today, i was pretty tired and low energy from the lack of sleep. The cart has plenty of other places to stand but this asian girl decides to stand in front of me with her legs spread more ir less shoulder length apart. A bit unsusal because i would think people would normally stand with their legs closer together.

edit:
+porn doesn't have a draw on me anymore. If I watch it, the reaction is neutral to negative. no more porn high

-i feel like there is a darker and violent side to me that is trying to bubble up. It appears when i am left to my own thoughts. Keeps saying how, under different life circumstances, this would be me and how i would be a very good man of death and violence. Unsettling for sure.

Stage 3 Day 19

Dream:
+Trapped in a very hellish house, with glowing walls and runes, with a group of people and some kind of dark entities masquerading as humans. Manages to banish all of them and the room like some yellow Jesus.

IRL
+Managed to move most of my group to sign up for a gym membership and workout. Pretty cool since I have been looking for a workout partner.

+Im starting to let go of things easier and is less jealous of others.

-Had a hard time getting into the zone while trying to help 2 people learn how to use free weights. After a while, I just prioritized doing my sets first.

-After a friend of mine pointed out a flaw in another. I start seeing it constantly and I start pointing it out to the point where the same friend tells me to ease with the insults. It seems automatic to start insulting people with little to no tact. it seems natural now which is bad.

-High school girls seem to be intimidated by me and old co-workers act like they don't want to have anything to do with me. I made sure it's nothing physical about me lol.

-No sure what "the alpha behavior" is besides being little more rude and outspoken.