Subliminal Talk

(05-29-2016, 07:41 AM)Sickologist Wrote: [ -> ]Being a good looking loser is better than an ugly looking loser, just sayin.

I think what you're lacking is a clear mission. Trust me, I've been there. And I mean, I've really been there. Had no direction at all, confused since birth about who I was and my place in the world. I went completely off the rails in college and burnt out. I was out to prove something, but all I met was resitance and hate. That pushed me into a deep despression, the Great Depression. I didn't talk to anybody for 6 months, locked inside my room eating crap and watching movies. Then I started reading, and gradually found my calling. My purpose in this world is to filter all the bs in society, shake it up like a halway decent Martini and toss the intoxicating liqiuds back at the world.

Since realizing this, everything I do comes back to this. It's been 2 and a half years since I got out the personal hell. Hitting on chicks is a creative and scientific endevour, not just pleasure. They go hand in hand for me. I currently have over 50 000 dollars to my name after working harder than a bloodhorse. I only seek 3 things out of life, making a living as an artist, be mentally and physically strong like the Hulk and get laid. That's it.

When I wake up in the morning, I can't wait to hit the gym. I work out every day and go as hard as possible every ***** time. I work full time in a physically demanding job, I mean sometimes I have to load long-ass steel pipes weighing 60kgs into a container all by myself, and that's a couple of hours after doing heavy deads and squats. Don't care, I don't stop for anything or anybody. Even at 60 years old, I'm gonna be pimp. The young guns in the future better watch out, I will snatch your 20 year old hot girlfriend while you watch in utter disbelief. Every guy could get laid, there are no excuses. You simply stick your dick into her and what happens next is outside of your control anyway. Sometimes it won't be good for you, her or her curious cousin. That's just the way it is, it's a quest to figure out what works for you.

So what I'm saying is that it was necessary for me to go through that stage, rock bottom. I had to completely self destruct before rising from the ashes reborn, transformed and DRIVEN. Just know that I relate to everything your saying here.

I used to be at the phase you are referring to, the life after you "found your mission", but I realized that life can actually take in another form which you can enjoy everyday moments and seek for meanings under.

Instead of crazily taking actions for my mission, I am at a point right now to slowly raze and develop everything I do until I reach some sort of realization, and only do things that interest me. So my mission is kind of scattered around, but I still keep hitting the gym as the minimum requirement. It keeps me healthy, regardless I want the physical beauty or not. And trust me the mission thing is completely made up by your brain... There isn't a mission you have to follow, and mission is only a concept that can be changed around.

There are a lot of lifestyle gurus out there these days, not saying that you are one, who teach people the optimum way of living life. Finding mission is one. Enjoying life is another one. So I guess in the end it really comes down to which lifestyle you find the most happiness, but the per-requisite is you have your ends met and are at least healthy. Other than that I don't really see a fixed way of living life. Achieving things or not, great, but that will depend on which stages of life you are at.

@ Alpha360

I don't need to work out to get laid. I was getting laid when I was a skinny chump weighing 62kgs. I'm not a big guy and I don't aim to be, but at least I'm fucking shredded. To attract the hottest women, you need to look the part. I know this because the better I look the hotter women I get. The world isn't superficial, it's just that hot, horny chicks don't care about a guys brain capacity.

But it's not all about women. The better I look, the more I get the VIP treatment. My status has grown because I'm better looking, people assume I'm a winner and that makes it easier for me to get things. You never know, maybe one day I'll make serious cash off my looks, physicality or skills.

@ Jakeb203

It depends on how you look at it. I believe in existentialism which basically means there is no meaning to life so you stand free to choose your own meaning. That's not so different from what you said.

The thing is, if people weren't ambitious, insane and audacious we wouldn't have stuff like airplanes, your favorite movie, algebra and vibrating dildos today.

My agenda might not only benefit me, time will tell. I'm not sure what happiness has to do with anything, I rarely stop to think whether I'm happy or not, I just get the job done.

When it all comes back to the source of what I'm doing, it kind of works like this; If I have a chat with a social worker and they share their thoughts on the systems and experiences within that field, it's interesting to me because I could use at least some of that from a creative standpoint.

Having ends met isn't necessarily what I'm looking for. There's a guy in my country who sailed across the Atlantic in a small sailingboat and tried to get across Cape Horn. He almost died. But his tales about the travels he made, like getting mugged by the friendliest robbers in West Africa and hooking up with the hottest chick in Brazil is interesting shit. He got into some tough situations on his journey. He's a huge TV personality today.

So if I travel to Burma and live in a poor neighborhood and train the most dangerous martial art for 8 hours a day as a personal test, that's also my choice. So it's not better or worse than what anybody else is doing, it's just how I live my life.

I don't know what the fuck is going on but this stage really does suck. The large and in charge feeling from AM6 is absent, and I feel like I'm back to being reactionary and deferring to others. I noticed some resentment towards a good friend of mine because I feel like I'm in his orbit rather than being my own gravitational force. I hate having that kind of relationship dynamic and unfortunately its familiar too me. My relationship with this guy started out that way and it's hard to change, but AM6 helped me to identify outside of that and it's frustrating to feel like I've lost ground. The resentment is really just misguided anger at myself.

Mood is better. Moments of feeling grounded and sexual again. Eye seduction is developing. I turn heads. I know I'm on the radar of plenty-a-woman. Sometime it's almost hard to believe that certain girls are interested in me because these are the ones I felt inferior to in the past. I'm still not comfortable with my own attractiveness and I don't think I will allow myself to be until I'm willing to pursue with the intention of fucking. Sometimes when I know I'm getting attention I notice I'll become hyper aware of my body language and I think it shows that I'm trying to hold it together or on the flip side my body language will go from comfortable and masculine to insecure. I still have moments where I feel anxious in the presence of a woman I feel attracted to and it just destroys my frame.

As an aside, a friend of mine started dating this guy we used to work with. I've had countless opportunities with this girl and I took none of them. I noticed myself feeling jealous of the situation and ignoring her as if to punish her for my feeling the way I do. I wouldn't be feeling this way if I simply accepted a few truths:

a) The respect she lost for me as a love interest is proportionate to the amount of time that has passed in which I didn't make a move.

b) A woman who is sexually compatible with a man cannot truly be his friend.

c) It is to be expected that when your woman 'friend' starts dating a new guy, she will taper off communications with you, if not go completely silent.

And on the subject of point A, I'm still gut-hurt about the girl who solicited me twice for casual sex, whom I denied both times. What has me revisiting this is that since then, she has made no effort to communicate with me at all. It's like she crossed me off her list of options and lost all respect for me. Women will do that when you don't make a move because it speaks to your confidence, or lack thereof. Would I go for it if I could turn back time? Would I make it happen if she tried again tomorrow? Nope. Because I'm ashamed of my junk and the sexual experience I know she has makes me feel inferior. So it's a catch 22.

Shit man how is PE going for you?

I did in the past, for around 80 days straight and did not lose a day and had some gains (from 6.1inch length to 6.8, and 4.4 inch girth to 4.8).

Sincerely i right now just can't be bothered, but if i was rejecting girls like you i would be pulling my weiner like crazy

Honestly, I haven't done it in a while. Here I am complaining, but like I think it's a mental block with me and PE. Doing it means that I need to embrace—literally and figuratively—that I am unhappy with my size AND accept that progress will be slow. It makes the struggle feel more real, if that makes sense. I used to feel this way about working out. I just need to put my head down and do it. Had I taken all the time that I've spent being discouraged and pulled on my dick, I'd have a huge dick.

Those are impressive gains for 80 days. What was your routine?

20 minutes a day with a homemade bathmate (just a normal penis pump,with some modifications, and with a saline solution tube in the back to pull the water and hold the pressure). In my country there are no bathmates and i don't wanna be importing them and then having to show up in customs to explain what the fuck it is.

I use very hot water (just a couple of degrees before burning), and pump very gradually as in i create pressure in 5-10 seconds until a little disconfort and wait 90 seconds before creating pressure again, in those 90 seconds im constantly kegeling. I do that until minutes 7-10, and then is just cruise control until minute 20.

As always safety first and foremost, you should not be having any pain.

The best way to do this is create a habit, and just do it, its very boring, but i am hearing subliminal + audiobook while pumping, so its a better used time.

I would say find a routine that is not so intense and demanding, and do it everyday. I used to do jelquing but never had consistency because it was kinda a lot of work, and needed days off, so could never make it a habit and never had any gains

You gained .7 length and .4 girth in 80 days just from pumping daily for 20m? That's crazy

Well I think I got my groove back. Feels like I'm over that shit-laden hump I was on. Now you might say that it forced me to face what I need to work on, but it was overwhelmingly defeating. Past couple of days I'm walking and talking with more confidence. It's been easier to talk with women. I've struggled in the past with carrying a conversation. I've also noticed recently that some girls are paying me with more than just a glance. There's an element of infatuation. I can see it in their eyes. I was at a restaurant the other night and it was clear the waitress was attracted to me from the get go. I chatted her up a little when she visited our table. I seemed to be on the radar of more than one waitress there actually. Anyways I could have gotten her number and I thought up a cool way of asking for it, but I didn't. I noticed a window where I could have done it without any mental hesitation but then my 'reasoning' kicked in. My brain overpowered the new programming which felt instinctual and said, "Stop! This is not you. You can't have this."

Stage 4 begins.

I had a weird ass dream last night. Don't remember details, but a woman was involved and it was both sexual and disturbing.

Beginning of a new stage is always interesting. I had a dream where I was at some kind of outdoor lounge at night and I was hitting it off with a cute/slightly drunk blonde. Sex was implied and we decided to go some place quiet. So we are weaving through groups of people and somehow I lose her. I end up at a subway station and then the lights go out. People on the platform don't know what's going on and there's this one guy who starts getting all weird about it. Its dim and a light flashes in the distance revealing the silhouette of two large creatures. The guy and I see it and he takes off. I follow. We scale a fence and we're running through this maintenance area. We know something is about to go down. Im trying to warm people on the other side of the fence. I look back and I see the silhouette of what looks like a giant praying mantis with scythes for arms gaining on us. And then I woke up.

I think this represents my mind not only fighting the new programming (girl slips out of my hands) but also trying to fear me out of change (creatures forcing me away).

PS I'm becoming increasingly frustrated by the fact that despite how unhappy I am about the size of my dick and my PE, there is no sense of urgency or desire to act. It's like whatever part of me wants those things to change pales in comparison to the part that has reserved itself to believing that I can't change them. Incredibly frustrating.

My life feels so flat. My job really isn't that bad but I'm bored af and a little checked out mentally when I'm there. It wouldn't be wise to quit right now though. The past year has been about body transformation. Lately I'm lacking enthusiasm for the gym. My workouts have been hard but not fulfilling. This has been difficult because training has meant so much to me. Hell, at times that excitement would carry me through slumps at work. I might need to reduce volume or increase calories because I'm lacking energy, but there's more to it than that. Training has a special place in my heart and in my life, but it doesn't have the same appeal as when I was a fatty looking to escape the prison that was my body. I'm yearning for something more now, and this is where I wonder if the program is creating or amplifying this dissonance within. If I'm being honest, my life consists of work, gym, the odd social outing, and an extraordinary ability to waste time. I'm not getting laid.

I want to start with the observation that it's crazy how things happen in minutes or seconds, and then it's so time consuming to actually put them into words. Language, especially in written form, has been referred to as 'dead' because our thoughts always precede communication. It's interesting to observe how fast your brain actually works, and then how you make conscious sense of your thoughts and feelings after that fact.

~

The other day at work I ran into a customer that I've seen before. She's probably a 9 or 9.5 in my book. The definition of nubile. You know she knows that she's gorgeous, and has probably known that since 14; when she got her first orbiters. But she doesn't have that heir of 'I'm hot shit' which I found peculiar. Anyways she comes in with this guy—difficult to put my finger on the nature of their relationship—and we're talking in an employee-customer fashion, and I sensed two things that I want to share. First, it felt like this guy was deferring to me through his body language and his speech. Like he was acknowledging my dominance over him. I wasn't doing any sort of posturing, but my presence has grown since AM6 and I think I've got some kind of SM aura going on. He grabbed her a couple of times as if to remind her of their relationship. As an aside, there's an early episode of family guy where Mr. Pewterschmidt shows Brian his prize-winning dog and makes reference to the heat coming off of her genitalia. There's was something about this girl. I could smell the sex coming off of her. Maybe she was releasing pheromones my way. Every time I looked at her she was wide-eyed with a smile on her face. The truth is that I was nervous and not completely myself around her. I was conscious of our eye contact and I was trying to balance how much I looked her and looked at the guy. I think she liked me though. Classic Dubls had a hard time believing that a girl that attractive could like me, but I'm trying to drill into myself that it's better to assume attraction because women are subtle. After she left I was kind of distracted because I was angry at myself for feeling nervous around her.