Subliminal Talk

Stag 5 Day 15

Left out a few nights because of party and and alcohol again.
Had some crazy night, with insane attraction from girls and alot of respect of guys.
Probably because of alc + phenibut + new pheromone mix. Was just insane.

Anyway, really exhausted from the long weekend. Nut feeling motivated again to change and see that there is no way around it. Get my life handled or die with my life wasted and unhappy.

Need to go out more, socialize, meet girls and get some hobbies.
Focused the last years with to much party and alcohol and trying to pickup chicks, with to little success and change.

Its hard to be that honest to myself, that i wasted most of the last 8 years for nothing, but at least i can try to change now.

Stage 5 Day 17

Anther night of subs, feeling secure and confident, even all the high bosses in my company have respect from me and see me as new valuable employee.

People make space for me whereever i go and meet me with respect.
Still not sure what i want out of my life and how i have to continue my journey.

Stage 5 Day 25

Missed alot of day. Didnt listen to the sub regulary....

Still alot going on in my life, dont know what i really want and kind of cofussed where my future will lead me. i am pretty hopeless at the moment.
New job sucks and new city aswell. Thinking about trying to go back to my old job and city.
Would be more happy there probabaly, but also more stress, longer hours and less holidays, which is really important for me aswell.

Also today is my birthday and i thought this year it would be finaly better.
But i am still alone in a new strange city, with no friends o celebrate and basically nobody cares. It really hurts, this is going on since years and even with all the effort it seems i can never chnage my life....

Stage 5 Day 26

Feeling very calm. But on the other side alot of internal thoughts. Dont know if i should quit or stay in my current job. Its high payment and low hours in a good company, but nothing for a longer future.

Lately i am just afraid of making any decison, sicne all my decisiosn in the last few month were wrong afterwards. I Hate this feeling.......

Stage 5 Day 26

Very tired lately and sleeping alot in the evening.
I am not inteested in watching movies or series anymore or waste my time on surfing.
But i dont have a replacement for filling the free time now. Need to find new big goals which i follow with passion.
In the past I was working towards my big worldtrip. After I archived that now i need new goals.
On big one is finally to get good with women(which i cant ut as my main goal, since its contraproductive).
The other one is to become financial independent and build my own business.
Still think about switching job again to my old one.

In the end i cant really complain. I earn alot more then most other people and working in an easy office job.
Just need to find some hobbies and frieds and make something out of my free time.

Stage 6 Day 12

Still listen at nighttiem, but also sometiems additionally at work with silent track.
Dont accept any bullshit anymore and be far more grounded.
Also have some crazy and weird dreams.

Had several times know that i dreamed of girls basically throwing themself for sex on me.
But always somethign weird happen, like i invited friends to join in and the girls turnd out to be ugly or retarede or some shit, like on was mutated vagina which creeped the shit out of me, other time girls are suddenly more fat and ugly and people laugh about them and me...