Stage 4 Day 20
Short update, although it deserves for an essay at least. The reason for that is that I'm really disconnected from this forum during this stage. I still like to browse this forum on my phone when I'm out and unoccupied, but I don't feel like taking active part here. I think it has a lot to do with my decreased acceptance of BS in my surroundings and sadly there is a lot of BS on this forum. I find most people cool and genuine, but there are people whose posts just make my pocket knife open. I won't be throwing names of course and I have no intention of making arguments, but reading threads like "Bring Fonzy back" or "AM5 vs AM6" really discourage me.
I feel very good, my trip to my family was successful and fun. I feared that old me would be very passive-aggressive and I would close myself in presence of pretty much strangers, but my family was very positive and I am not longer my old self I guess. It makes me optimistic for future trips where I will have to enter unknown territory on my own, without any friends or close family.
Stage 4 Day 24
Spoilers for video game Bastion inbound. If you haven't played it and you want to (and believe me, you want to!) don't read this. Thank you.
So, this weekend I've completed Bastion. It's a cool little game, made me rage once or twice but that's beside the point. I want to talk about the ending. In short you have a choice. One is to undo all the damage that was done before and during the game (sort of go back to idyllic past, when the grass was greener and the sun was brighter). The other one is to accept what happened and live on. First one is obviously more positive even if a bit shadowed by the idea that old mistakes might be repeated. However I chose second one. Why? Because facing the past and letting it go is the right thing to do. And I'm not even talking from perspective of wannabe alpha male, I'm talking as a human being. Truth is past was never perfect, even if we want to believe it and if I was given a choice I'd rather look for hope somewhere else. This decision would haunt me, sure, but that would be better than living in the past.
Stage 4 Day 25
Most interesting thing happened tonight. I am experimenting with lucid dreaming nowadays and last Friday I had my second successful attempt. I was trying to have another one tonight and it kinda worked. By that I mean I was able to get my induction into lucid dreaming, but I dreamed that it failed. Basically my induction is that I have dream paralysis and I try to roll out of the bed. Two first times I would feel falling into oblivion and landing inside a dream, now I just fell into the floor and went back to ordinary sleep thinking it was reality. Is my mind resisting lucid dreaming? Is it defending itself?
One week more to go, I thinking if I should get 2-3 days extra due to lower exposure during Easter.
Stage 5 Day 1
I wanted to prolong stage 4 for another 2-3 days, but in the end I thought it's not really necessary - my exposure might have been smaller than past stages, but I don't think it wasn't that much off. Also I'm getting a bit restless and want to get over AM already. Of course I could quit, but that would be bad so I'd rather keep on till the end. 64 more day to go
As to what after that I'll most likely do either LTU or Weight Loss.
Time's been tough for me recently, I feel a lot of fear and pressure. I hope this stage will be easier on me, although I have my doubts.
(05-04-2015, 07:43 AM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]...
As for the depression, AM is a very challenging program. It does not cause depression, but it can cause subconscious conflict that may result in depression under certain circumstances and for some people. Basically what happens is that it is effectively forcing growth, and if you are stuck on a fear, that growth may be very upsetting. If you are terrified of something, but the growth is happening and you have to face it, prior to facing and overcoming that fear it can trigger a feeling of hopelessness to resist, which can become conscious as a form of depression.
That can also happen when you have invested heavily in a self identity that is being overwritten by the programming. If you identify as "loser" and the program is forcing you to become a "winner", the loss of the existing self identity can be scary and hopelessness in maintaining it may result until the transition is made.
Depression can result from self sabotage. If you experience depression, the subconscious may be able to get you to avoid making certain changes, and therefore, homeostasis is preserved. It's about like making a pilot fly to a different location by putting a gun to his head.
...
The more you run it, though, the less depression you'll experience because you'll outgrow the causes of it (if it is triggered by the growth process of the programming).
Stage 5 Day 16
I don't spend much time on this forum anymore, partly because I have other time sinks now to occupy me when I have nothing to do, partly because so fell disconnected from part of this community that I believe is minority, but is more vocal than average. Anyhow I stumbled on this Shannon's post I must must say it captures what I feel right now quite well. I'm going through a lot of negative self-talk, anxiety and fear right now. But at the same time I see that I'm going in the right direction, I just should not move out of the course.
I've had a dream last night and the only thing I remember is my sweetheart telling me something in line of "I'm proud of you. I'm proud of how you deal with living without me." At first I was angry, like being given the biggest "F**K YOU" of all time. But I understood that it wasn't her, it was my subconscious telling this and if this interpretation is true it is the first time since forever when my subconscious gave me a sign that I'm going in the right direction.
I've made up my mind that I'll be running Weight Loss after this sub. Not sure if I'll be writing a journal for that one, I guess it will depend on whether you'll be interested in such a journal or not: to be honest I'd rather keep it personal now, but if it helps someone out I'll think about it. After all WL might help many people, but there are not that many journals of it.
How many hours per stage did you do?
And did you feel that those hours caused exhaustion/tiredness? At what points?
And lastly, what is your personality and past history in life?
End of stage 6
Hello guys, I haven't been here for a long time. I must say it did me a lot of good, I was worrying less about the result and I just let it flow.
I've completed AM6 two days ago. Practically everyday except for a couple of occasions I was listening to it during my sleep + every time I was in the journey. This nets for about 8-10 hours per day, more in holiday seasons when I was alone and could play ultrasonic while doing stuff on the PC.
So, how was the Alpha Male for me? Disappointing, but it was perhaps because I expected too much from it. I don't wanna do detailed analysis right now (maybe later in testimonial section), but most points from 3 months back when I did the analysis still stand. Last 3 stages been quite rough for me though, I became very cynical and tired of people. I was like sub instead of pushing me towards people was dragging me away.
For now I switched for a week to ASC just to see how it works for me because I've always been curious. I know I should take a week off the subs after AM6 run, but ASC is connected to AM6 and lightweight so I think it's not a bad call. On July 1st I'll start my Weight Loss run and I intent to run for whole 6 months. I'll keep a journal here in a new thread and update it weekly. I've already started running and eating healthier in preparation. My goals are in the end moderate so I think with enough determination and sub's help I can reach my goal by the end of the year.
I'll be coming back to the AM6 for a second run after WL. I remember that people here reported better results after a second run, so I hope it will work better for me as well. Until then I will focus on my weight loss efforts.
(05-06-2015, 01:13 PM)dissonance Wrote: [ -> ]How many hours per stage did you do?
And did you feel that those hours caused exhaustion/tiredness? At what points?
And lastly, what is your personality and past history in life?
It depends. If I had day off I could pull off 18 hours/day without much strain, but other days night exposure was enough to bring me down for half a day, especially in second half of the run. I think with time sub was too much for me to handle, maybe if I gave it more time (50 days per stage or month of rest in the middle) I would work out better. Also sub was not compatible when I needed to think like during studying for exams or doing something precise, it would always irritate me.
I'm INTJ almost to the letter. I've always been quiet and stayed out of people. I even go as far as to call myself sociopath, but I think it's too far of a stretch. I'm very intelligent and of analytical mind, which doesn't help subs. I would say I'm a hard case for Alpha Male program, but not impossible and I didn't start from the hard rock bottom.
(05-06-2015, 04:06 PM)Benjamin Wrote: [ -> ]I'd love to hear the results you get from weight loss even if it's not a detailed journal. I think I was the only one who actually stuck to it and has a complete journal.
http://subliminal-talk.com/thread-2903.html
Yes, I've read your journal, great results
Unlike you I won't be doing gym because I decided I don't wanna bulk, instead of strong I'd rather be fast and agile. Bruce Lee kind of physique would be perfect. I'm not sure what exercises along side running and stretching though.
Cool, good luck with weight loss. I guess everyone has different goals but personally I don't understand why any guy doesn't want to be muscular haha.
(06-26-2015, 01:55 AM)Mateunio Wrote: [ -> ]End of stage 6
I'll be coming back to the AM6 for a second run after WL. I remember that people here reported better results after a second run, so I hope it will work better for me as well. Until then I will focus on my weight loss efforts.
Yes, my first Am6 run was extremely hard, rollercoster of emotions, even then i considered it a success because of all the things i learned, and because from stage 4+ i started to get attention from women i did not get since i was 13-15yo.
What extremely important stuff did i learn? i learned that i needed to get rid of everything i did to cope with resistance, namely porn and wanking binges, visiting sites that deppresed me like reddit's relationship sub, and smoking weed.
Im sure taking care of your extraweight and ridding yourself from unhealthy eating habits will help a lot towards a much smoother am6 experience.
Good Luck!
(06-26-2015, 04:27 PM)Benjamin Wrote: [ -> ]Cool, good luck with weight loss. I guess everyone has different goals but personally I don't understand why any guy doesn't want to be muscular haha.
I think for me it has something to do with fear of being intimidating. I want to be healthy and attractive, but I don't wanna come across as packer from a gym, at least it has some negative connotations where I live. Right now I can only think of one person I know who goes to gym regularly and is ribbed while having respectful career and circle of friends at the same time. Maybe it's baseless fear of mine right, I will see how I will look after I achieve my goal weight and see where I will go from there.
(06-26-2015, 10:30 PM)ImFreeman Wrote: [ -> ] (06-26-2015, 01:55 AM)Mateunio Wrote: [ -> ]End of stage 6
I'll be coming back to the AM6 for a second run after WL. I remember that people here reported better results after a second run, so I hope it will work better for me as well. Until then I will focus on my weight loss efforts.
Yes, my first Am6 run was extremely hard, rollercoster of emotions, even then i considered it a success because of all the things i learned, and because from stage 4+ i started to get attention from women i did not get since i was 13-15yo.
What extremely important stuff did i learn? i learned that i needed to get rid of everything i did to cope with resistance, namely porn and wanking binges, visiting sites that deppresed me like reddit's relationship sub, and smoking weed.
Im sure taking care of your extraweight and ridding yourself from unhealthy eating habits will help a lot towards a much smoother am6 experience.
Good Luck!
Thanks, I appreciate that!
Mateunio, have a look at intermittent fasting (google it). I've been doing it for a couple of weeks and it really hits the fat deposits! I've lost an inch around my middle since the beginning of the month without compromising what I like to eat.
(06-26-2015, 02:08 AM)Mateunio Wrote: [ -> ]I decided I don't wanna bulk, instead of strong I'd rather be fast and agile. Bruce Lee kind of physique would be perfect. I'm not sure what exercises along side running and stretching though.[/b]
Hey Mateunio.
Calisthenics seems to be the way for you to go. Bruce Lee did exactly that. Personally, I found Al Kavadlo to be an superb example. His books glow with inspiration. No gym or material requirements needed.
Cheerio!