Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13
(03-07-2015, 08:38 PM)essy Wrote: [ -> ]I want to have sexual relationships with attractive women. I want the social skills and a social life that is conducive to this. I want to f*&k like a jackrabbit and have the confidence knowing I can deliver sexually. I want to have multiple partners and plenty of options. I want quality AND quantity.
Yep I understand that
Addition to my last post:
iii.
Developing sexual stamina is:
i. Deeply important to me; more so than size.
ii. That which I have the least faith (bordering on hopelessness) in my ability to achieve.
iii. In my opinion, an almost entirely psychological endeavour—which gives me hope.
Wow this stage is moving fast.
I've been reviewing the sales page for AM6 in an effort to articulate the growth I've experienced in 3.5 stages.
I also read volume 2 of Shannon's journal from start to present because I was interested in his personal development and that of the product(s) I am using and considering.
It must be the different technologies at play because the things I'm going to list feel natural and to a degree, as if they've been present longer than a few months.
I used to dwell hard on the past. Namely the experiences I missed out on due to poor self-image and low self-esteem. This has gone down in intensity and frequency. I'm more focused on what I'm doing today to be a better version of myself tomorrow.
On that note, I'm in the best shape of my life. My weight continues to go down, I'm building a stylish new wardrobe, and people have noticed. Fitness is one of my top priorities because I'm priming myself for cosmetic surgery that will address things I can't through diet and exercise. Physically speaking, I will be a different man in a few months. These things about my body have long detracted from my own perceived masculinity.
With respect to my body, I dare say that I am more comfortable about my appearance than I have ever been in my life. Specifically, this is something that has come to fruition in stage 4. I've spent so long actively denying myself sex for fear of judgement and ridicule about my naked body. It's like a bolder has been lifted. Now I don't yet think of myself as a golden god, but I'm ready to expose myself. I guess that's OGFS at work. I had a lot of shame to work through. It's an ongoing process.
Just as OGFS is woven into every stage of AM6, so should ASC. Is it? If not, there's an idea for AM7.
On this subject and countless others, I've caught my conscious mind destroying old limiting beliefs with positive, empowering self-talk. Self-talk, by the way, is EVERYTHING. We've all heard of affirmations, which are constructive statements intended to replace dysfunctional self-talk through conscious repetition. I view Shannon's subs as affirmations in their most potent form. So much so that subs are like using a needle to inject change into your bloodstream, while reading yourself statements aloud is like splashing it on your arm and hoping a little seeps in. I digress.
I'm still self-conscious about the size of my penis and my lasting power (OPE anyone?) but results from AM are confirming a strong suspicion I had: that my issues with stamina are almost entirely psychological in nature. Why do I say that? Well I've been responding to attractive women with less reverence and more comfort. In fact, I'm noticing them notice me in their silly, subtle ways. Now combine that with my new feelings of sexiness and confidence. Suddenly the pedestal is shrinking. I feel an increase in deservedness and less pressure about having to be equally as attractive physically. I noticed that I masturbate longer. Now my sex drive is low because I'm sick but my hope is that everything I've described will translate into better performance.
My confidence has gone up big time. People—especially strong Alpha types—respond to me differently now. I command respect and I'm less reserved not only about speaking up, but with being direct. This applies equally well to serious discussion and jokes. I'm funnier. I fumble words less. I speak loudly and clearly, and articulate better. I'm more assertive too.
This increase in confidence and its fruits has been one of the biggest ways that AM6 has impacted my life. As I wrote in a recent post, I realized that low confidence is the root of all my problems. And that became crystal clear once I gained confidence. Funny that.
Lastly, I have less social anxiety and I care noticeably less about what other people think—a liberating experience let me tell you.
Again, these are the results from Stages 1-3, and half of Stage 4. Average of 10-12h of exposure per day. It will be interesting to see where I am—who I am—at the end of Stage 6.
So for all of the crap I write about resistance, let it be known that there's a ton of good shit!
The question now is what to do next. ASC is tempting because a focused confidence program could be transformative for me, but WM and SM are screaming my name. WM or SM? That's the question. Needs vs wants. I love that AM includes a tie in to SM, but short of running AM again (which is a possibility), WM would build on things I need more work on. There are some folks in the forum who believe it would be beneficial to develop raw sexuality first (SM) and then temper it with social savvy (WM). However, based on its description and my circumstances, I almost view WM as AM level 2.
Well that's probably the longest post I've written. Thoughts and suggestions are welcome.
This stage is flying by, and it's been the most exciting in terms of results. It's so liberating to have confidence. It's not as high as I want it to be, and it's not 'unshakeable' but it's stronger and more consistent than I've ever known.
Another thing I've noticed is how living in the present has improved my quality of life. It was only recently that I even realized I was no longer dwelling in the past, which is a testament to The Naturalizer since it wasn't long ago that I was stifled by regret. Only now do I realized how crippling it was and just how much that negativity permeated my existence.
The meat of this post has to do with what I chalk up to some combination of Alpha appeal and the aspects of SM3 present in AM6. Here's what's happened in the past few days:
Manager at a bar told my friend (whom she knows) that she thinks I'm cute and isn't usually into white guys. Got her number last time and we've been flirting. Will probably lead to sex.
I expressed my interest to a waitress at a bar with zero anxiety. Here's how:
Me: Two things.
Her: Ok.
Me: I need a beer for my friend [whose birthday it was].
Her: You said two things. What's the other?
Me: You're cute.
Her: Thanks. You too.
I was surprised at myself after the fact for the creativity, confident delivery, and boldness. I have never done that before. At the end of the night I asked her to write her number on the receipt and she said that she would if she didn't have a boyfriend. I don't know if she actually had a boyfriend, because in retrospect I could have spent more time establishing a rapport, but it doesn't matter.
Girl who works at the tea place I always go to whom I've chatted with here and there volunteered her phone number to me and wants to hang out.
Asked girl who helped me at a clothing store (and talked openly about sex) for her number, which she gave me. Texts are sexually charged and there's no doubt what's going to happen the next time we get together.
Girl at a different clothing store treated me like I was Justin Bieber and she was a teeny bopper. Utter reverence. Failed to give me her name twice and instead blushed, giggled, and walked away. Endless compliments, blatantly groped my ass (was trying jeans) and took every opportunity to touch me while 'explaining' what looked good on me. She also tried to get in the change room with me. She was loud, weird, and batshit crazy. This has never happened to me before. Eventually she got on my nerves and I had to be straight with her, but hey it felt kind of good inside to have that attention. Did I mention she was crazy? Even if she was 10x hotter, I would not touch that.
There are earlier examples I won't go into detail about and they involve meeting attractive women and simply chatting. It's easier for me to meet and converse with babes. For the most part, nerves are no longer enough to discourage action and failure is acceptable. Rather try and fail than regret. It's a win-win situation really.
More to come.
Quote:I was surprised at myself after the fact for the creativity, confident delivery, and boldness. I have never done that before.
That's it! That's how the sub work. And I love the way it works like that. What our mind thinks after our belief about this sub ingrained in our subconscious mind, it will happened just like that!
Noticeable decrease in libido over the last few days. There are a few reasons why this could be:
a) Been sick off and on for 2 months. Libido was present yet hampered while I was sick. Now that I'm better it is down. Doesn't make sense but I can't omit illness as a possible reason.
b) I've hardly been to the gym due to illness. So testosterone has definitely suffered in the absence of lifting hard and heavy.
Side note: I'm going stir crazy with all this pent up energy from not exercising.
c) Starting supplementing with garlic extract for immune support. It's also supposed to boost testosterone. This is an unlikely cause but the timing roughly lines up.
d) Some form of resistance OR an intended effect of the sub.
How likely is the last one?
Well the libido thing seems to have worked itself out.
Approaching the end of Stage 4. I'll be tacking on an extra day to make up for the hours that I've missed x 1.5. I have to say I felt the most powerful the week I was home sick (ironically) when I got 12 hours of exposure per day. I felt like an ideal version of myself and I haven't felt that way over the past few days at 8 hours of exposure. Therefore I'll shoot for 12 from here on.
Feeling strong again, which coincides with more exposure time. That got me to thinking about the permanence of the results once I'm done with the program. Granted, I've got 2 stages left and it's only my first run, and the extent to which 4 months of exposure has affected 27 years of programming is impressive.
The refresher is there for a reason I know but I wonder, can these subs permanently rewire us, or will some form of exposure, however minimal or irregular, be necessary indefinitely?
I started AM6 because it was a prerequisite for SM3. I had the maturity to realize that I needed work on every bullet point from the AM6 description, and only in retrospect do I appreciate how dearly I needed to address those things.
I've been thinking a lot about what to do next, and it's probably going to be a second run of AM6. I love what it's done for me and I want to reinforce and further develop those results. OGFS has been a big part of that, and I love that it's worked into every stage. Another biggie for me has been confidence building. I stand to benefit from more exposure to both of those things.
I'm still gung-ho about SM3, and I'm already enjoying its presence in AM6. I'm getting (or at least noticing) more attention from women than ever, and acting on it. I'm striking up conversation and getting phone numbers. Haven't done the nasty yet but there a handful of prospects, one of whom volunteered her phone number to me and then asked me out.
I've learned from other people's mistakes around here and I won't rush into SM3. My game plan is AM6 (in progress) > AM6 > SM3. Then possibly alternating AM6 and SM3 for as long as I see fit. It's cool because AM6 has a little bit of SM3 and AM6 leads to change that attracts women.
What about WM? There's no doubt I would benefit from it, but it's not as important to me as AM and SM. WM is recommended for those less experienced with women—and I do fall into that category—but I've never been socially inept, just hampered by low self-esteem. With that lifting, and the attention I'm getting from women in Stage 5 of my first run of AM, I think I'll be developed enough when it comes time for SM without having to precede it with WM. I also think WM could stand to be updated.
The only program which tempts the plan of action I've outlined above is OPE 5G. I've had this problem since forever and I want so badly to defeat it, especially now that I'm pursuing and being pursued by women. I've seriously considered finishing this run of AM6 and doing OPE for 6 months. We'll see.
Having a low moment. I'm unhappy about the size of my junk and especially my sexual stamina—which sucks. I'm convinced that the latter issue is mostly psychological, since I've spent from adolescence to adulthood conditioning myself to ejaculate quickly, which is what masturbation is [credit to Shannon]. I allowed myself to become hyper-aroused by porn for so many years. On top of all that was the psychological impact of having a poor self-image and I think that part of my lack of control had to do with feeling underserving of real women and real pleasure—something that AM6 is helping me to turn around.
This issue burdens me with an intensity that is proportional to the extent to which my physical appearance and self image have improved. Sure, I felt depressed, unfulfilled, and lonely when I was fat and low on self esteem, but there was less pressure as a result to have a well-sized package and mastery over it. Now I wouldn't trade my internal or external development for anything, but as parts of my life improve, others gain new and focused attention.
Bottom line: Low sexual confidence is one of the worst weights for an otherwise healthy, attractive man to shoulder.
At least one person on this forum has made reference to Good Looking Loser. Please don't misinterpret that as some sort of unsolicited ad. I mention that website because it outlines methods and support for increasing size. I have not however found a proven, drug-free method for increasing stamina—and that's almost as disconcerting as the issue itself. On the flip side, I believe that my problem is mostly if not entirely mental. That makes me feel a little better because it's something I can reprogram, but I need help.
Some seven years ago, I listened to a hypnosis tape geared towards premature ejaculation and it actually worked short term. I couldn't cum for 12 or so minutes afterwards, and I was trying! It was amazing. My body was in positive defiance of my expectations, my arousal was controlled, and I felt like such a man. That and other experiences of the power of the mind are why I believe OPE 5G can work.
Hopelessness is a shitty feeling. I'm trying to temper my expectations for OPE 5G but if it works my life will change in such a profound way that words won't do justice to the high I'll be on.
I sound like a broken record talking about the plight of premature ejaculation, but let the repetition indicate how strongly I feel about overcoming this obstacle.
Drop a line if you have something to share. This is one of those days where I could use the support.
Well I'm feeling better but Stage 5 has been rough. It feels like I've regressed. I lack the confidence and self-assurance I had in Stage 4. It's hard to feel the absence of those things once you've had a taste. Not only that but in Stage 4 my confidence, self-esteem, and overall IDGFness were by and large self-perpetuating. If I had a negative thought or feeling something would kick in to squash it. Now this wasn't perfect or at a level I would have been happy resting at, but they were enabling.
I hope I can chalk it all up to resistance. I didn't think I'd have this kind of reaction to Stage 5 since it's described as a refinement of earlier material. Thoughts?
In addition:
Last night, I blew the opportunity, twice, to meet this girl at the mall that I've had my eye on. I walked right by her to go buy something and then back the opposite way. Both times I told myself I would talk to her, and both times I kept on walking. Even caught her giving me that look like "Come and talk to me I want to meet you, handsome." And it's not the first time I've chickened out of talking to this woman, nor is it the first time she's looked at me with interesest. I'm not even afraid of rejection, it's the approach anxiety that got me. That and the conditioned response NOT to act, which only reinforces the behaviour. I was angry at myself and full of regret for the rest of the night. The positive? I concluded that regret feels worse than anything and vowed to myself I wouldn't repeat the same mistake.
Stage 5 has been largely unrewarding. To be fair I'm getting minimal exposure—8-9 hours a day on average. I reflect on the 'glory days' of Stage 4. I was averaging 10-12 hours a day then, but I still expected to feel solid into Stage 5; which hasn't been the case. I've certainly changed over 5.5 months, but I'm feeling a bit discouraged at present.
There's also been a drop in libido beginning towards the end of Stage 4. I figured then it had to do with my being sick on and off for what amounted to 2 months. After reading CatMan and Light's exchange, I'm starting to think the sub is involved. I did notice that my sex drive was high at the peak of my confidence during Stage 4. There is certainly a correlation.
First butt presentation? I'm in beast mode at the gym and this cute, thin Russian girl with a great backside starts using a machine behind me. We are checking each other out in the mirror. She goes to the other end of the room and I relocate to a different spot for deadlifts. Well doesn't she return and situate herself directly in front of me while she's doing squats? She even turned to look at me between sets. I didn't look away until she did. At first I was annoyed because I'm focused on form and she's in the way of my mirrors. Upon leaving the gym I couldn't help but smile several times at the thought of her blatant grab for attention.
Now to be fair I was right beside the weights she was using for her squats. So it's possible that I'm giving myself too much credit. But I think I'm pretty good at recognizing signs of interest—just a total p*ssy when it comes to acting on them. I made no effort to talk to her and the reason is three-fold:
a) I time my rest periods and didn't want to get sidetracked.
b) I'm on a schedule today.
c) Part of me still has a hard time believing that women I would have considered out of my league in the past are attracted to me.
Would love to hear what y'all think about Russian girl's actions.
Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13