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Darkness Thanks.
I felt a little rocky at the gym today. A few different women who were working out near me (and clearly attracted to me) made me self-conscious. I get into this mode where it's as if I'm standing outside of myself and watching and judging my every move. It makes it difficult to be grounded and present. I started doing this when I was a kid and grossly overweight. There's one guy at the gym who intimidates me. He seems a little crazy and is probably on steroids. Historically I've been uncomfortable with confident, masculine men because I've never identified with them. He commands presence, and is unapologetically loud. He has this vibe like he will fight anybody. I don't hold eye contact with him. Now I don't know him personally but I'm pretty good at reading people, and what I see is an alpha—not the type I need to become, but one I want to feel equally substantial in the presence of.
On the drive home I asked myself what criteria I'm not meeting that's making me feel like less of a man in the presence of men and women. I wanted to
identify my programming and surely enough there's some garbage. I'm not a small guy in terms of height or muscle, but I have this idea in my head that I'm less of a man because I'm not a 6'2+ cover/fitness model with a huge dick. I also have a persistent belief that I need to be as attractive or more attractive than any woman I'm attracted to in order to be deserving of her. This is based on the assumption that women have the same tunnel-vision-focus on looks that men do, which is simply not true. It's twisted to recognize that I am disqualifying myself from another person because I don't meet the criteria that I so firmly
assume they have. And even if a 10 came up to me and said you are extremely attractive and I want you, it wouldn't change anything on the inside. It's actually perverted just how much I sabotage my happiness and success internally.
As for being a giant among men, I am neither towering nor hulking therefore I must adopt a giant's mindset and when I have felt most confident on AM6, it wasn't that I was bigger than everyone else, or felt that I could fight anybody, or my erection was four inches longer than usual, it's because all the rivers of my mind were pouring into the same ocean: I felt content with and empowered by what I am and what I'm capable of rather than what I am not and cannot change. This is the confidence that I'm chasing because I believe it should be my natural state of being.
It's been over 2 weeks since completing AM6 for the second time.
Click here for a link to the first review.
To each bullet point I have assigned a rating of
0 - no development to
4 - maximum development or
n/a. I've also enlarged the points that I especially want to improve; of which I find many of the other points are directly or indirectly related to.
- An improved on circle of friends manifestation sequence, so that the friends you manifest are genuine, long term friends who will help you for the long haul, instead of stabbing you in the back. 3
- Self forgiveness. 2
- Forgiveness of others without allowing them to walk on you or mistreat you. n/a
- Letting go of the past. 3
- Maturity improvement. 3
- Wisdom enhancement. 3
- Self healing, emotionally and mentally. 2
- Trauma and abuse healing. 2
- Supply your own love, affection and attention. 2
- Overcome any victim mentality you may have when you start the program. 3
- Refuse to justify actions that are not moving you forward, or accept that behavior from yourself. 2
- Kill excuses and refuse to accept them from yourself or anyone else. 2
- Seek the challenge. 2
- Overcoming guilt, shame and fear. 2
- Self validation. 2
- Optimize scripting for... [SM3 lead-in]. 2
- Improved scripting for overcoming procrastination. 2
- Approaching focus, for making it easier to approach others, especially attractive females. 2
- Approval seeking destruction. 2
- Self empowerment/self empowering. 2
- Have let go of any negative self image, attitudes, thoughts and beliefs about yourself. 2
- Have a powerful, positive sense of self respect, self esteem, self image and self worth. 2
- Have unshakable self confidence. 2
- Be unaffected by rejection. n/a
- Treat women as people to enjoy the company of, without taking them too seriously, needing them, or being easily upset by them. 2
- Have released expectations towards women, which often lead to bad choices, actions, attitudes, thinking and responses. 2
- Be self sufficient and self reliant mentally, emotionally and otherwise. 2
- No longer be, or come across to others as “needy”. 2
- Take good care of yourself, your hygiene and your appearance, not just because you want to be attractive to beautiful women, but because it makes you feel good about yourself. 4
- Be able to effortlessly approach any woman you want – and the more attractive you find her, the easier it will be. 1
- Be selective about whom you spend your time with, and which women you give your time, interest and affections to. 2
- Exude an aura of confidence, commanding presence and authority, which gets you respect, attention and obedience. 2
- Exude an aura of sexiness that makes you much more attractive to the beautiful women you encounter. The more beautiful they are, the more attracted and interested they will be. 2
- Have a Zen attitude, which keeps you calm when other guys would lose control, thus demonstrating your self control and mastery of the situation. 2
- Display graceful, confident body language, which broadcasts your power and dominance to all, but especially females. 3
- Display the attitude, thinking, actions and speech patterns of an Alpha Male. 2
- No longer seek approval from others, nor be concerned with what they think of you or what you do or say. 2
- Be your own man, who does what he wants, when he wants, how he wants, where he wants. 3
- Be in control when dealing with women, and especially beautiful women or women you are interested in. 1
- Be entirely unconcerned about “getting the girl” or achieving sexual interaction, which will make the ladies perceive you as higher status, higher value, and more worthy of both. 2
- Be easily able and willing to walk away from people and situations you don’t like, and TELL HER NO — whether it’s to her asking for sex or anything else. 3 The tell HER no part is colored by my fears and insecurities.
- Be in complete control of yourself and your environment, and YOU will be the one who controls when, how, and with whom you have sex. n/a
- Develop and display a fantastic sense of humor, which will make you socially popular and attractive to others, especially beautiful women. 3
- Be entirely comfortable in social situations of any type, whether they are familiar to you or not. 2
- Acceptance of, and feelings of deservedness of, being treated well 2
- Deserving respect from others 3
- Self love and liking yourself 2
- Valuing yourself 3
- Strong, centered masculinity and masculine presence 2
- Destruction of negativity within you concerning yourself and others, and replacement with positivity 2
- Self acceptance with continual striving to be better than you are 2
- Destruction of laziness 2
- Motivation boost 3
- Doing what needs to be done, because it needs to be done, and that is the way of the Alpha 2
- Extroversion enhancement and training 2
- Self forgiveness 2
- Social stability, skill and strength 2
- Overcome abandonment issues n/a
- Success training 2
- Gratitude 2
- Self trust 2
- Self image of man, instead of boy 2
- Leadership training and development 2
- Decisiveness training 2
- Authenticity and congruence training 2
- Destruction of jealousy and possessiveness, and replacement with self security, self reliance and self satisfaction 3
- Constant self growth and progress 3
I continue to 'solidify' internally. Confidence is more consistent and I am driven to be productive. I am learning to feel attractive as I continue to notice women, especially at the gym, notice me. I'm not the biggest or the tallest but I am good looking and I see/feel the eyes on me. I keep saying this but I have the potential to be an absolute killer. I am less concerned with empire building right now as I am with sowing my wild oats. I have a combined decade of bitter, self-imposed celibacy to get out of my system.
So while AM6 has done a lot for me (and I've done a lot for myself), I am not completely aligned with its intentions. Prior to running subs, I avoided relations with women out of shame and low self-esteem. AM has, by design, built me up inside but I've also noted a growing indifference to women. It makes me more comfortable around them, and I'm sure it adds to my desirability, but I realized that it also supports the avoidance I'm used to. So despite the fact that my review of AM demonstrates that I should run it yet again, it'll be a while before I do.
Here's the thing. If women find me this sexy after a year of AM6, what kind of success would I have if I actually ran Sex Magnet? I think my reality would explode, but I'm not willing to put myself out there yet. My last physical limitation is penis size (and stamina), so I am devoting myself to enlargement. I am treating this with the same level of commitment and attention to detail as weight lifting. It wasn't long ago that I was unhappy with my body and discouraged by how much time and effort it would take to change it. Well I've transformed my body and learned to love the process along with the result. I remind myself that time is going to pass whether I do anything or not. I would rather look down in 2-3 years at a huge dick and be happy that I put in the work, than burn with regret that I did nothing. It's as simple as that. Emotions are irrelevant in light of this fact. Doesn't mean I'm not going to go 2-3 more years without sex. I want to be 8 x 6, and right now I'm 5 3/8 x 4 3/4. I'll be ready to f***k once I'm nearing 6.5 x 5.5, and I figure it'll take a year to achieve that.
I'm going to use that time to run subs that'll prepare me for SM3: ASC 5G, OGSF 5G, and maybe OPE 5G. I'm still thinking about order and duration, but I'm dying to start something as early as tonight.
My biggest concern is the motivation I have right now being derailed by resistance from the next program I run. I also have a fear that I will become complacent if ASC and/or OGSF makes me comfortable enough with my junk as is, both because I finally have the right mindset to see the enlargement process through, and because I fear exposing myself and being ridiculed. I know these fears might sound irrational, but I'm being honest.
I'm confused. Why not run AM6 again whilst you do your penis enlargement?
(02-09-2016, 03:25 PM)ffaux Wrote: [ -> ]I'm confused. Why not run AM6 again whilst you do your penis enlargement?
Because I want to use single stage programs to work on my weak points with laser-like focus.
Do you feel like the main results are coming after the run?
(02-10-2016, 01:46 AM)Vincent_Vega Wrote: [ -> ]Do you feel like the main results are coming after the run?
Yes the dust is settling. That's why I waited 2 weeks to rate the bullet points again. At this point I feel that I've peaked.
(02-10-2016, 04:59 PM)essy Wrote: [ -> ] (02-10-2016, 01:46 AM)Vincent_Vega Wrote: [ -> ]Do you feel like the main results are coming after the run?
Yes the dust is settling. That's why I waited 2 weeks to rate the bullet points again. At this point I feel that I've peaked.
I really hope that it will be the same for me. I'm at the end of stage 5 and I don't feel that I've grown that much. So hopefully the main results will appear after the run then.
(02-11-2016, 02:02 PM)FrostedFake Wrote: [ -> ]Just read this quote from Mini after you asked for his advice
"If you really want sm3s results then you should hammer down on that sub, don't postpone it for asc, I'm sure asc will be included in some aspect"
And I couldn't agree more. Don't keep putting it off till you become "ready". You never will be.
I've heard this from you, Mini, and Guider, and I love/hate y'all for it.
The bottom line is that I don't want to have success with SM3 until I have a dick that I'm proud to pull out (and one that doesn't pop too soon). SM3 is not going to make my junk bigger. I accept that, and after all these years I'm finally willing to be patient and put in the work—which I have been.
It's hard enough now, both mentally and emotionally, wanting but not willing to act upon attention from women. What's it going to be like if I'm a walking sex magnet? I'm trying to protect myself from intensifying a pain I know all too well.
So I'm already consciously resisting the program. But consider the number of SM3 journals that end in disappointment. Why? Because the user wasn't prepared. They needed more work in certain areas than the program was able to provide. And what advice do these people receive? Run OF or OGSF. Well AM6 made me acutely aware of the shame and fear that I carry, and I'm pretty sure that if I don't run OGSF prior, I'll end up having to afterwards. And then I wonder if confidence is the answer to everything.
As I read this back to myself, I don't like the negative tone it has, but I might gain clarity by putting this into writing.
Yesterday I noticed this cute girl at the other end of the gym and she noticed me. We exchanged glances a few times. After a while she came over to use the Leg Press. Now picture this. Two leg press machines, both unoccupied. She chooses the one right next to me. And I know she looked at me a few times while she was there. I didn't put 2 and 2 together until she left, and at first I was disappointed in myself for not recognizing that she located herself close to me for a reason, but then I thought I should be proud of myself for realizing it at all, and my awareness will improve over time. The thing is I became self-conscious while she was there. It actually affected the quality of my reps. And I had no intention of talking to her. It's actually disturbing how automatic the willful avoidance of women has become from years of doing so. But the reasons for doing so are slowly eroding.
On that note, I am considering a 360 on my position on waiting to run SM3. I don't expect to become an embodiment of the sales page after one run, but there are points I stand to benefit from right now. In no particular order:
- I am not as attractive in my mind as I am perceived to be by others. I get cues and feedback every single day that I am good looking. I need help aligning my mind with my appearance.
- I need work in the areas of shame, fear, and confidence—in general, and especially in relation to women and sex.
- A higher sex drive i.e. instructions for devoting my energy to libido would help with the frequency and quality of my enlargement training.
- Causes sex to be better, gives you better sexual stamina, self control, confidence.
The more I think about it, the more I see value in running the program now as opposed to 'when I'm ready'
do sm it will be good for you
It sounds like you're already holding back on chances with women you ALREADY are getting, due to PE. You've been mentioning it and the desire to do OPE 5G for a long time, I think it's time now.
I think you need to do OPE 5G, before any talk of a magnet ensues. It's obvious you'll just stonewall/cockblock yourself from chances with women for the same reason.
So, it seems the priority needs to be OPE 5G. Afterwards, there's a few avenues to go.
For now, the focus needed seems to be obvious, remove the barrier that is keeping you from taking action with women currently being manifested by AM6.
OPE 5G.
Just bought SM3 stages 1 and 2.