Day 18; rest day 2; cycle 3
Much the same. Occasional head pressure.
Was thinking between sets at the gym. I have always felt that there was something "blocking" me from reaching my full potential, but I never could figure out what it was.
Thinking about that has given me hope that E5 is digging to that blockage, whatever it is, and that by the time I'm finished with this run of E5 next spring that blockage will be cleared.
(09-18-2021, 02:30 PM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]I'm glad you're enjoying it. E5 wasn't a simple thing to create, to be sure. 5.75.7G and up subs are each their own little nightmare to script, optimize, configure and build. But they get the results, which is why I do it anyway.
I appreciate that work. My hope is that once 6G is complete the process of making the individual subs will be far less difficult for you because of the new tech.
Quote:I appreciate that work. My hope is that once 6G is complete the process of making the individual subs will be far less difficult for you because of the new tech.
The work is worth it because it is making a serious positive difference in the world through people like you using and benefiting from it. But based on past experience, 6G should be more complex and difficult to build still because of the tech. The only hope I have of doing anything about that is to eventually hire someone to help me create a script management and processing program. And that is not going to be any sort of simple task for either me or them to work on.
Day 19; rest day 3; cycle 3
Not much in the way of physical expression; head pressure, etc.
One noteworthy event. While discussing household business with my wife, I mentioned the possibility of me using a room next to our bedroom as my work space, since my new job is mostly remote work. That room is where her desk is now. I currently have a nice desk in a common area of the house, but that's where our kids have their desks as well. It gets tricky when they are out of school in general, and as I currently listen to E5 during the work day, that adds another wrinkle.
As I was making the suggestion, with her agreeing completely, I expanded the suggestion from me using her desk during the day to moving my desk into that room. That wasn't my intent, and I hadn't thought about it before this conversation. She readily agreed to that idea, too.
As I was going to bed, I realized that I would be moving my main PC into a room next to our bedroom, well within Bluetooth range of any speakers and/or sleepphones that I might be able to have there.
In short, I unconsciously achieved a major step forward in being able to listen to subs overnight, either exposing my wife on a metoo basis, or playing separately purchased subs for her and for me, depending on which subs I choose for each of us for a given period of time. For example, I could listen to UMS or MHS on speakers and have her get a metoo exposure, or I could listen to Testosterone Maximizer on sleepphones and she could listen to Breast Enlargement on speakers.
Disclaimer: I know that Testosterone Maximizer and Breast Enlargement are lower gen tech. I am using those as examples. I am also hopeful that they will be built in 6G.
(09-19-2021, 10:49 AM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]Quote:I appreciate that work. My hope is that once 6G is complete the process of making the individual subs will be far less difficult for you because of the new tech.
The work is worth it because it is making a serious positive difference in the world through people like you using and benefiting from it. But based on past experience, 6G should be more complex and difficult to build still because of the tech. The only hope I have of doing anything about that is to eventually hire someone to help me create a script management and processing program. And that is not going to be any sort of simple task for either me or them to work on.
Automating product builds like that would be huge. Huge to do, and huge benefit to you and to us. In the meantime, enjoy your vacation and recharge!
Day 20; listen day 1; cycle 4
Some anxiety at the beginning of the loops. Less fear than anticipation, though.
Head pressure all but gone. Looks like I'm adapting to the subliminal and processing it more easily.
Odd dreams. I can't quite grasp the details, but they are repeats of previous nights.
I've noticed that I'm much more optimistic overall, starting back in the TID before I began running the sub. And while I still have my trigger points for irritation and anger, my responses to those are muted - less intense and briefer. Plus, I'm worrying less about some things than I used to.
That means you're working through the issues that were initially being worked on, which working on bothered you. Over time, new layers will be dug up and new and interesting experiences will ensue.
Day 21; listen day 2; cycle 4
Much the same as yesterday.
Restless last night. Conscious reason was work related. I had to get up, go in the living room, and sit on the couch until my conscious mind settled down.
(09-21-2021, 06:46 PM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]That means you're working through the issues that were initially being worked on, which working on bothered you. Over time, new layers will be dug up and new and interesting experiences will ensue.
That would've been my guess. Cycles of digging and working on what gets dug up.
Day 22; listen day 3; cycle 4
The same during the day.
Odd dream last night - especially odd because I was reading old journals here last night, and my dream was very much like one that another user had reported in their USLM journal, and completely unlike any dream I can remember having.
In the dream, I had soiled myself and had to find a place to clean up. I made it to the men's room, only to find myself in my bedroom at home. My wife was in bed, and quietly, supportively sympathetic to my plight.
I've been thinking a lot the last few days, about what subs to run next after I finish this run of E5 next April. I know that it is way too early for me to make that decision for even the next sub. But I have been taking into consideration the possibility that I will have speakers in our bedroom by then, and will be able to listen overnight and expose my wife.
She has been supportive of positive changes I have made before starting subliminals, most recently when I started working out nearly two years ago. I know she will welcome the effects on me of E5 and other subs, even without knowing how. And I want her to get those same effects for herself.
This is a time for patience. E5 has already hit a couple of key issues for me, starting in the TID period. I'm still hoping that E5 will dig out whatever has been blocking me all these years. Even if I've been wrong, and there's nothing like that holding me back. Whatever it is, it needs to be dealt with.
Day 23; listen day 4; cycle 4
Calm day relative to the sub. Busy day at work, extending into the evening.
Another dream overnight. In this one, the person who is closest to being my nemesis - who isn't really - was in the dream. She had been staying in the same place as my wife and I for a holiday period. At the end of the dream, she gave me a small but not insignificant gift, and there was some sexual tension between us.
IRL, she's not my type - body, personality, voice, etc. And she is also married. So, no desire or opportunity to pursue. However, after I woke up this morning I noted the similarities between her and a woman I was involved with before my current marriage, mainly in body type. In that previous situation, I was simply lonely, and that woman was available. She was also very controlling, and ending that was an escape.
E5 is digging where it needs to dig, whether I understand the path it's taking or not.
Day 24; rest day 1; cycle 4
Started playing loops, went to write yesterday's journal, and realized that I was supposed to be taking my first day off of the cycle. Oops. Stopped the loops and moved on.
I'm not worried about the extra exposure. And I have been thinking about going to a 5:2 cycle. I want to run 4:3 for a couple more cycles before I make that change, though. Starting the loops was simply habit, part of my weekday routine.
Nothing noteworthy during the day. Don't remember any of my dreams. I slept late this morning after the fatigue of the week. On the surface, most of it is job stress. Knowing that I am listening to E5, I have no doubt that subconscious processing is adding its share, especially since the fatigue is building through the week.
I'm looking forward to what E5 does over the next seven months.
Day 25; rest day 2; cycle 4
Day 26; rest day 3; cycle 4
A bit lazy yesterday. Missed my journal entry.
"Lazy" would be a good way to describe my weekend, except that I got some productive stuff done around the house. Saturday was a slower day; still felt some of the fatigue that I slept off.
Sunday was more of the same, except I didn't sleep in. During the day, I had a feeling return that I have had in the past - a feeling of being comfortable in my own skin. There was a definite tone to it this time, a tone of "settling in" but not "settling for". This time, I'm comfortable with where I am and where I'm going, even though I don't know everything about the journey, or the path I am taking.
There's been a lot of talk over the last few decades about singularities - events of such great impact that you can't predict what things will be like after the event until the event happens. E5 looks to be a singularity for me, stretched over the 8 months of its run. I don't know what other changes are in store, because I don't know what E5 is going to dig out and deal with - stuff I've forgotten, stuff I never noticed.
Even now, there's anxiety. I've started my daily loops, and that's become normal early in the loops. Anticipation, fear of the unknown, the thrill of continuing to step out where few will go.
Yes, fear. It's early in the run. There's still fear. Nothing consciously crippling. Just enough that E5 will still be cutting through it for a while. It's change, which is a threat to the familiar. And the familiar is comfortable. I've often said that "No one will accept change until the real pain of remaining the same exceeds the expected pain of change." And often, when we want change, we back out when we see that changing one thing requires changing another thing, and the other thing is something we don't want to change.
And all that is before you get to the deep subconscious stuff that @
Shannon is engaging in these subs.
Seven more months.
Is this your first IML sub you run? Sounds like you are definitely a responder.
Day 27; listen day 1; cycle 5
Busy work day. By the end of the day I was feeling some fatigue, maybe more than usual.
Slept well. Don't remember any dreams.
(09-27-2021, 08:05 AM)GreekGod22 Wrote: [ -> ]Is this your first IML sub you run? Sounds like you are definitely a responder.
First IML sub, and first sub period.
I'm also naturally introspective. I think that's helping me here because it's easier for me to self-examine and notice the effects of the sub. Even with that, I expect that there will be times when there's nothing noticeable day to day, because whatever the sub is digging out, it's digging deep and nothing will come to the surface for a bit. And then it will surface, and I'll notice.
For subs like E5, it's about the outcome - for E5, getting over all the crap of the past. The experience along the way is whatever it needs to be. Obvious, subtle, deep; all of these in turn.
There are a few components to the sub that make using it more comfortable, and at times, unnoticeable. The first is the conscious masking of what the subconscious is dealing with. The second is the Naturalizer. Naturalizer (naturally) is there to make the changes/experience as seamless and...natural...as possible.