Day 80; listen day 5; cycle 12
Another bout of low motivation/powerlessness. Brief, and not as strong as the first time. Maybe my subconscious is being "tamed" to simply accept and cooperate with this sub.
Also some scattered head pressure. Slept deeply; scattered dreams about work stuff.
Day 81; rest day 1; cycle 12
Generally quiet day.
Interesting night. I had a round of insomnia that I couldn't shake. I had to get out of bed and chill for about an hour and a half before I could fall asleep. I haven't had it like this in several months.
Once I did fall asleep, my dreams were scattered, alternating between work stuff and stuff from books I've been reading; what I'd call 'surface stuff'.
Day 82; rest day 2; cycle 12
Mostly quiet day. Occasional head pressure.
Slept well. No insomnia, no dreams remembered.
Day 83 - 89; cycle 13
As far as running the sub goes, cycle 13 was a bust. I was on vacation, visiting family and friends, and made the decision not to attempt any loops.
As far as the stuff the sub has been helping me with, this week was a mix of pilgrimage and ordeal. I returned to the area where I received that major rejection. It was uncomfortable for the first couple of days, but I focused on the people we were there to see and the discomfort faded.
Had a couple of vivid dreams the last couple of nights. Night before last, I dreamed that I had taken on a volunteer leadership position in a civic organization. I have been involved with this organization for many years, but I have never held that role. Last night, I was dreaming about the video game I was playing before I went to bed. In the dream, the game had a limitation that it does not have when I am playing it. And neither the game, nor the dream, would go past that point.
Back to running the sub.
Day 90; listen day 1; cycle 14
Mild flash of anxiety at the beginning of the loops. Usual head pressure on and off.
Scattered dreams. Mainly work related. One, early morning, where I recognized something in the dream as familiar, but couldn't identify it completely. Like maybe I'm almost at a breakthrough point with something that the sub is working on.
Day 91; listen day 2; cycle 14
Same anxiety, more head pressure/minor headache during the loops - enough that I checked the volume on my tablet to make sure it wasn't too loud. It wasn't.
Dreams were all job related, about a major project I am assigned to. No details beyond that.
Day 92; listen day 3; cycle 14
Another "typical" day of listening.
As I lay down in bed to go to sleep last night, my ears opened up more completely than they've been in months. They haven't been a major problem, but I intermittently have some mild level of partial congestion. I noticed the clearing very distinctly.
Day 93; listen day 4; cycle 14
Subliminal interruptus - due to work interruption, I only got 1 loop and about 1/3 of the second loop.
Had strong head pressure in the evening.
Thinking back, I've hit a wall in the early afternoon all week. Not fatigue; lack of motivation. "I've done enough for today" kind of mood.
Day 94; listen day 5; cycle 14
"Klytus, I'm bored...."
Boredom. As far as I can tell, conscious. External circumstances are the biggest reason that I can figure out.
Some differences in the location of the head pressure when it's happening. Now it's strongest above and behind my ears, and down into the back of my neck. That's been going on for this whole week.
Day 95; rest day 1; cycle 14
Quiet day. Been doing some thinking. Realizing that I have to take responsibility for stuff that other people responded to, without taking responsibility for how they responded - and forgiving both them and myself. A new application of stuff that E5 helped me realize earlier.
Day 96; rest day 2; cycle 14
Quiet day on the sub front. Very productive around the house.
(12-05-2021, 03:27 PM)ReconGunner Wrote: [ -> ]Day 95; rest day 1; cycle 14
Quiet day. Been doing some thinking. Realizing that I have to take responsibility for stuff that other people responded to, without taking responsibility for how they responded - and forgiving both them and myself. A new application of stuff that E5 helped me realize earlier.
Very important point to understand.
(12-06-2021, 05:03 PM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ] (12-05-2021, 03:27 PM)ReconGunner Wrote: [ -> ]Day 95; rest day 1; cycle 14
Quiet day. Been doing some thinking. Realizing that I have to take responsibility for stuff that other people responded to, without taking responsibility for how they responded - and forgiving both them and myself. A new application of stuff that E5 helped me realize earlier.
Very important point to understand.
Agreed. So important, it took two distinct "passes", separated by several weeks, for me to realize it.
Day 96; listen day 1; cycle 15
Anxiety at the start of the loops only.
One interesting dream. I was having a conversation with my ex-wife, and she was genuinely sympathetic in the conversation. That's all I remember.