I’ve been trying to identify how this thing is making me feel, and I hadn’t been able to put my finger on it. It just came to me. Calmly focused. I’m very relaxed most of the time, thinking very clearly, and I reciognise the feeling that I get when I’m working on a goal that I know I can achieve and I know all of the things I need to do to achieve it. I mean something that may take some work but isn’t hard. The weird thing is that I don’t have any idea what I’m focused on, let alone how I’m going to do whatever it is.
I think my subconscious has a plan in mind and it’s working it while my conscious mind remains in the dark. This is interesting.
Other than that, I’ve had a couple bouts of mildly frustrating “how do I earn all this money” thought patterns, but they are t too bad.
I am trying running two loops back to back tonight. We’ll see how I feel when I wake up this afternoon.
Accidentally posted
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Two loops were too much. It’s hard to describe how I felt when I woke up this afternoon because it wasn’t a physical feeling. I slept very deeply and woke up later than usual. It was really strange, my body felt fine and well rested. My mind didn’t though. I didn’t have any kind of headache, but it felt like I was wearing a fuzzy helmet. There was definitely a sense that there was something surrounding my head. My thinking was slow but still seemed clear. I wasn’t in a bad mood, but I don’t seem to have any detectable mood at all. I did the stuff I normally do to get ready and get into work just fine, but seemed to be doing it on auto pilot. The feeling dissipated somewhat about fourth five minutes after I woke up, but I’m still not all the way here. The sense of dissociation from my body that I got while loops were running has continued all day today. This is weird, I’ve never felt symptoms of heavy mental exhaustion without any signs of physical exhaustion before. It is definitely time to take a break. I don’t know how long, but I won’t be running more than one loop a day again.
I think Shannon May have had it right the first time about how many loops and how often to run this sucker. I’m exhausted today and having a major case of brain fog to boot. It’s my one day off this week, and I have accomplished precisely jack squat. Some of that might be normal tiredness from working so much, but there’s an extra aspect of mental sluggishness to it. My temper is returning after not being very noticeable since a few weeks into LTU. I’ve noticed that the tooth clenching was starting to come back when I had a very civil disagreement with the wife earlier, and I’ve been snapping at our son. I’ve definitely over done it with two days of one loop and one day of two. As weird as it feels after gunning five to eight hours most days for the last year, I’m going to wait seven days and then do at least a couple of cycles according to the original instructions.
I feel much better today. Relaxing all day yesterday was the right move. The focused feeling is back in abundance, but I still don’t have a sense of what exactly I’m focused on. I have a feeling that time will tell on that. I don’t know if I’m “thinking wealthy” at this point, but I am not stressing myself out about our financial troubles at all. This is a big change, because on paper we aren’t in a very good place right now. I just have a sense that we will have what we need to get through the next little while and then things will get a lot better. I wouldn’t call it hope ether, it’s more matter of fact than that. It’s kind of like knowing you get paid on Tuesday so you can make plans based on that.
I was going to say I haven’t noticed any external results just yet, but then I thought about it and that simply isn’t true. They just seemed like such normal things that they almost flew under the radar. I already mentioned that my wife’s former company had spontaneously agreed to pay for six months of COBRA coverage on her health insurance. We hadn’t asked for that, wouldn’t have expected it, and it’s HUGE. Added to that is that the opportunity to work the ginormous amount of overtime for me came along at about the right time and it seems it will last longer than expected. That will help us a lot. It’s not just the opportunity either, but my attitude about it is different. Before, I would not have liked working this much and would have avoided what of it that I could in order to get some rest time. Now, I’m eager to do it, and it doesn’t seem bad. This started way before UMS, but come to think of it, it was in TID range so I’ll count it. This is going to result in us being thousands of dollars better off. So actually that’s two things that make us thousands of dollars better off, and this is in the first few days. It just didn’t seem like it until I thought about it because one of them was mitigating financial damage (IE stopping us from losing money that we otherwise would have) and the other is an opportunity to earn more with more effort and time in my normal job. Not just “hey, we just came into some money.
Another potential thing happened this morning. I got a call from an agency that I had applied for a job with quite a long time ago. This is good. Normally, I would just be so excited about the possibility of getting back into my field that I would jump with both feet. Now, I am carefully considering wether it would be a good move for me and my family money wise and career wise. I’m going to take the interview, but I have in mind that I can tell them no if it doesn’t look like the best possible move for me.
I noticed one more thing. I no longer feel boredom. I have a job that consists mostly of down time, and there’s usually no one to talk to. This often has left me feeling stir crazy, anxious, and has lead my mind into some pretty dark places just because it has nothing to do. Now, that isn’t present at all. I can sit there and just think, or look at the scenery for long periods and be perfectly happy doing it. I often feel that way when I have some problem or plan to pick over in my mind, in other words when my mind has something interesting to do.
This is another sign that my subconscious is fully engaged with something behind the scenes. When I wondered what it was, a phrase rose to the surface “Just wait till you see THIS.” accompanied by a kind of chuckle.
I’m feeling a bit mentally slow today, but other than that the effects of overdoing it seem to have dissipated.
We’re in a bit of a financial crunch until payday right now, it’s pretty bad. The thing is that it’s not causing me any stress. Even on LTU5 these situations were torture, you know, not knowing if we were going to have enough gas to get to payday, worrying about a bill going late and screwing up what I’m trying to do, worrying about the situation getting worse. Now my thought patterns are just “meh this is going to be irritating until payday.” The part I’m finding the most irritating is that we have to wait to get my wife on UMS. It’s going to take a while longer to get the pump primed, but once it is, we’ll be fine.
This boredom killing effect is amazing. I’ve been at work for almost sixteen hours. (They told me last minute that I had to come in for a four hour training and then work my regular shift. I didn’t feel stir crazy once throughout the night, and I am having no trouble staying awake. I am handling this brutal work schedule much better than I expected. I’m aware that I’m tired, but I don’t really feel it in any way that’s going to slow me down. My whole mind seems to know that this is how I’m making extra money at the moment and it’s all on board. No throwing roadblocks or making excuses. There haven’t been any bolt out of the blue money manifestations just yet, but my ability to grind for it seems to have increased.
Eventually I’m going to find a way of making more than this job has the potential of yielding to get where I’m starting to see that I can get, but this is what I have for now, and I’m making the most out of it.
In other news, I’ve always wanted to visit Iceland, but it was always one of those things that I’d like to do but didn’t think I’d be able to.. I was watching some videos about it tonight, and I suddenly realized that now I’m thinking of it as something that not only can happen, but that I should be planning on soon. I don’t even say hopefully when I think about it, it’s a solid and matter of fact reality in my mind.
I’m running another loop tonight, then taking a minimum of five days before I run another. I’ve felt fully recovered for the last couple of days, and that may mean it’s time to do another. As responsive as I’ve been OT other 5.5g products, I think that I might end up on the lower end of the spectrum as far as how much I should be using this one. I got overdosed on much less than some others had reported using. I really don’t think that more than one day in a row is a good idea for me, and more than one loop in a day decidedly isn’t.
I’m not getting any of the weird feelings that I was on my first set of loops. I feel that sensation that I’m wearing a fuzzy helmet again but not as much so. My face is feeling hot, so it’s doing something with my energy system. Other than that, it didn’t feel like much while it was running.
Today, I could still tell something is different, but it’s hard to tell what.
Shortly after my run last night my wife texted me. She had received her last paycheck and the payout for her accrued sick/vacation time. The paycheck was what we were expecting, but the PTO payoff was a LOT more. I didn’t think she had much PTO left with all the days she’s taken for appointments and such, but that was a very pleasant surprise. Then this morning she had her exit interview. She is getting a considerably larger severance package than they had originally told her. This really helps us, and she’s not even on the sub yet.
I can’t put my finger on how this sub is making me think or feel today. I have a slight sense that there’s something different, but the different feels so normal I can’t really identify whats changed. I continue to feel a lot less stress than I remember feeling under similar circumstances. I was always able to function when the world seemed to be falling apart, but I felt the stress. Now, there is virtually none. Less so since we started to see some money come in. The sense of calm focus is still there. I just wish I knew what I was focusing on. Maybe I don’t feel so much because this one is more focused on external results than LTU..
Shannon, I think it bears mention that the naturalizer May be working a little too well on this one from a business perspective. It would be very easy for someone who was a little less self aware or new to subs to say “this isn’t doing anything” when it was actually doing a lot.
Odd effect when I did my loop last night. I had had a minor headache for a few hours when I started. It went away completely during the run. That’s kind of the opposite of what others have reported.
The headache may not have been related then, or it may have been from resistance experienced during pre-run TID. That it went away is a good sign that the headache may have been a resistance headache and that the resistance was overcome by playing the program.
(07-26-2019, 07:45 PM)Shannon Wrote: [ -> ]The headache may not have been related then, or it may have been from resistance experienced during pre-run TID. That it went away is a good sign that the headache may have been a resistance headache and that the resistance was overcome by playing the program.
It may have been stress. Something happened earlier that could have gone very bad for me but didn’t. It was also hot, and I wear something very uncomfortable at work. I don’t think it was sub related which is why I found it odd that it disappeared so quick when I started listening.
Last night (early this morning if we want to be precise) I had a phrase start going through my head. “We’re quite wealthy”. It came on spontaneously, and there was actual feeling that came with it. It had the ring of truth in my head as well. So, at least for a while my entire mind took it as a fact that we were wealthy and I felt wealthy. That was absolutely my reality for a couple of hours.
Today I slept like a rock all day and woke up feeling exhausted. Nine hours without even getting up to use the bathroom so far as I remember, and I don’t usually sleep more than five or six.. I feel that physically and mentally slow again, and the weird underwater feeling is back to an extent. It’s a good thing I’m only working half a shift tonight.
It’s a little odd that I was full of energy on my first day offer a loop, but my brain feels slagged on the second. Oh well, I can get plenty of sleep tonight and have tomorrow off.
My next loop is on the night of 8/1, and my wife will be starting her first that night. We have agreed to try and start at the exact same time in order to kind of symbolize that we are pulling in the same direction and acting as a team on all levels. Since the subconscious and universe understand symbolism, it might help things.
It’s going to be very interesting having her on board for this one. Before I’ve sensed.a kind of back pulling effect from her. This is both in her behavior and a kind of energetic feel. It’s pretty clear that she is afraid of the changes that these subs have been making in me for the past year, and she is providing resistance even when my subconscious may not be. It’s really nice that she has gotten on board with making our lives better.
Also, I am getting much more comfortable with the idea that my subconscious has a plan, and that I’ll see what it is in due time.