Subliminal Talk

The key is to learn to just do stuff no matter how you feel about them. Just learn to take steps forward. The more you do it the easier it gets and the stuff you are doing is helping you to get yourself out of the hole you are inside. Read this book, it describe the process and helped me to get going when stuff was at its worst

https://www.amazon.com/At-Last-Life-Davi...0956948103

I don't think panic and anxiety are the problem I'm facing right now. Depression, self hatred and dependency are the issues I'm facing.

(05-26-2019, 02:10 PM)EvolvingPhoenix Wrote: [ -> ]I don't think panic and anxiety are the problem I'm facing right now. Depression, self hatred and dependency are the issues I'm facing.

Still the principles that he had use of can be of use in your situation. Many mental health issues overlap and the road to recovery from them downtown have to be so different.

What do you think I should do right now?

As I said. Get a momentum in your life. Meet people, try new things, get out of your head and gain Some perspective, along with following a daily routine with exercise, meditation and eating healthy.

Day 57:

I keep fantasizing about reconciling with my friend. Last night, I got high and fantasized about us reconciling and me talking to her and her getting judgmental about somebody at their lowest, which she used to do but I was always too enamored with her to realize how negative a thing this is about her. And at first, I imagined telling her that, but then I started imagining telling her how those people at their lowest are worthy of love and compassion and how you don't know what it's like to truly love someone until you've loved them at their lowest, because it's easy to love somebody at their best. I imagined telling her that there is a whole new level of love you experience loving people at their lowest, and defending the person she's judging and saying I love that person just as they are, flaws and all and even flawed as they are, they are worthy of our love and respect. It then became easier to feel this way about myself.

I still miss my friend though, and fantasize about not just reconciling, but also I have fantasies about us reconciling and falling in love with each other. I feel this great release in these fantasies, like I imagine us being truly connected and just forgetting all the drama and truly loving each other. These fantasies make me feel better, but I also realize they're just fantasies. Problem is, during these fantasies is the only time I feel good.

I know I need to get my sense of validation and love purely from myself, but I still can't help but rely on these fantasies to feel the love and happiness I want in my life.

(05-26-2019, 09:04 PM)Greenduck Wrote: [ -> ]As I said. Get a momentum in your life. Meet people, try new things, get out of your head and gain Some perspective, along with following a daily routine with exercise, meditation and eating healthy.

I meant right then and there. But the moment's passed now. Still, good suggestions. I still have a hard time motivating myself to do anything. It's like all I want to do is sleep and fantasize. I wonder... if I use E3/LTU5 and the FRM does it's thing and removes fear, will I be more willing to do these things? Or is it just depression causing anhedonia and killing my motivation?

Day 58:

I went to bed around 11pm last night. Ive been sleeping all day and now it's 4:35 pm.

Dad wants to know what's going on to make me sleep this much? Is it my meds? Am I sick? 

I think it's obviously depression but he can't connect the dots.

Does E2 have P3, P4 or P5 technology?

I dunno. What is that?

(05-28-2019, 04:16 PM)omi95 Wrote: [ -> ]Does E2 have P3, P4 or P5 technology?

No, it was the first 5.5g program. So rest time after using it is normal aswell as normal usage 8+ hours a day.

Day 59:

Dad's offering to pay me for helping him fix a neighbour's fence today. It's a job that's gonna take all day. I was saying to him "Normally, $20 to work out in the hot sun all day wouldn't be worth it" and I was going to say "but I really need that $20" but before I could he offered $40. So $40 for a day's worth of labour. Still probably not worth it, but in this case, I REALLY need the money.

After I get payed, I should be able to take the money, as well as the hundred I've got saved up in my room, and go to the bank with it and put it in my account, so I can buy E3. I just hope E3 really helps me. I'm really counting on it to work.

The job's taking longer than we expected, so it might take longer before I get payed and can get E3. Still, once this job is finished and I get my $40, I get the cash in my drawer as well and take the money to the bank, put it in my account and purchase E3.

I told dad I'd take just $20 for helping him, seeing as this job is causing him so much pain and he's already getting payed so little for it. $20 is still just enough to be able to afford E3 when mixed with the hundred I already have, so I should still be able to get E3.