09-04-2022, 08:22 AM
Days 40–47
I switched to the hybrid version, but keeping to the same “special use case” schedule that I was using (four loops, on 2 days/off 4 days), 8/16 volume, etc.
I was reading some of the posts on this board, and there was something that Shannon said that reminded me of a session with a practitioner that I had the other day.
In my session with the practitioner, we hit the topic about talking to people (in general, not specifically attractive women). I was already feeling emotionally wrecked for other reasons, so I explored the emotions and sensations that were coming up. On one hand, I was feeling intense fear that people would hurt me, which felt like echoes from childhood experience. On the other hand, there was this deeply-felt bodily knowledge that I was disgusting and revolting, especially when I was being emotional, again echoes from childhood experience.
So I find @Shannon’s statement about self-esteem issues interesting. Yes, there is a ton of fear around talking to people and interacting with the world for me. However, there is also this deep sense of being disgusting and revolting. It doesn’t feel like this is feared, but rather, it feels accepted as truth, resulting in hopelessness that makes me feel dead inside. Cleaning out the fear will certainly help, but how to crack the part of me that can’t accept that anyone can really like me, or hears anything nice and is convinced that they’re only telling me what they think I want to hear?
I switched to the hybrid version, but keeping to the same “special use case” schedule that I was using (four loops, on 2 days/off 4 days), 8/16 volume, etc.
I was reading some of the posts on this board, and there was something that Shannon said that reminded me of a session with a practitioner that I had the other day.
(09-03-2022, 09:54 PM)Shannon Wrote: If you can't freely approach people who are not women you are attracted to, then it's fear at the root of it.
[...]
Stuff like self esteem issues is usually a fear of not being good enough, although in rare cases, it can be an experience or something you were told which you interpreted in such a way as to form a belief that damages your self esteem without fear.
In my session with the practitioner, we hit the topic about talking to people (in general, not specifically attractive women). I was already feeling emotionally wrecked for other reasons, so I explored the emotions and sensations that were coming up. On one hand, I was feeling intense fear that people would hurt me, which felt like echoes from childhood experience. On the other hand, there was this deeply-felt bodily knowledge that I was disgusting and revolting, especially when I was being emotional, again echoes from childhood experience.
So I find @Shannon’s statement about self-esteem issues interesting. Yes, there is a ton of fear around talking to people and interacting with the world for me. However, there is also this deep sense of being disgusting and revolting. It doesn’t feel like this is feared, but rather, it feels accepted as truth, resulting in hopelessness that makes me feel dead inside. Cleaning out the fear will certainly help, but how to crack the part of me that can’t accept that anyone can really like me, or hears anything nice and is convinced that they’re only telling me what they think I want to hear?
I share the details of my life in my posts to help in the understanding of the effects of the subliminals I use. I am only open to advice that relates to the use of the subliminals.
