mat422 alpha journal

[Shannon]

So if you're using a program that's constantly urging you to be your own man, and you're resisting it for whatever reason... yes, it can result in the frustration/hopelessness that could conceivably lead to depression.

Get out there. Get your own place. It's not that hard, once you stop making mistakes.

Crap lol. I turned 18 about two months ago and going to dorm at college this coming fall. I am not 100% sure if that means being my own man; while still not being under my parents roof. So there may be that may be conflicting for a while?

And finding several streams of income, I thought of a couple ideas and was wondering what else you guys thought of.
-Clinical studies (the more safe ones) they pay ~$500-5000 in one week [definitely going with the safer studies; I don't want to be an alpha with some crazy deformity lol]
-Part time job [pretty self explanatory] preferably at the mall because of the social interaction and being a quarter of a mile away from my house.
-Mowing lawns?

Dorm at college is where every man who goes to college gets his start being his own man. lol

The multiple streams of income you suggest sound good. Also consider something that gives you residual income, like investing.

[woceyes]

One major secret that I have held dear all my life can be seen in one of my favorite quotes:

"No man ever became great except through many and great mistakes." - William E. Gladstone

My favorite is from Thomas Edison "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."

That quote i try to remember as i go about life and then i think why the heck not what do i have to lose?

[Shannon]

Failure is only failure if you stop trying to succeed. Edison was a real jerk sometimes in his personal life, but he exemplified what it means to succeed by exhausting all options for failure and refusing to give up.

[mat422]

Felt like writing some things down that are in my mind right now. I've realized in the past I used to think expressing anger was wrong and being assertive was wrong. I think a lot of this came from my father and how he yelled a lot when I was a kid and expressed a lot of anger. I think I might have internalized that anger was wrong and made you a bad person. I feel like kids at a young age make very simple but powerful associations that affect their behavior.

I am a very peaceful person in general, it takes a lot to make me angry, but I'm learning from this sub that anger has it's place as well. I'm not talking about huge shouting anger, more like that feeling of anger and expressing it in a way that is actually productive. In a perfect world I would like to believe that being kind to everyone would result in other's passing it on, but I've come to realize that some people really do need to be taught a lesson and be told how they have crossed the line. Some people even do it unconsciously, so it's like making them aware of their unacceptable behavior. The important thing is to do it from a position of maturity and being coolheaded about it.

In the past I guess I never really had much self esteem, which made me not care about people disrespecting me. But now I expect respect from people and if they get out of line I let them know it. It's like I'm learning all these mini life lessons I missed when growing up and the pieces of the puzzle are slowly coming together to give me the big picture.

[Patti]

Mat, I am so impressed with your post. I read many of the guys posts to educate myself with the Alpha sub. I have two son's, one of whom is 19 and basically was born into this world one big ball of anxiety. It's very hard as a parent to watch your kids struggle with this because it really does effect many aspects of his life. I've run through the gamut of things to help him over the years, with some things helping some but not very much and not long lasting. I would really like to find something that would bring him peace and calmness as he's on the defensive most of his life. He doesn't have all the issue's that some of the guys on here have. He has a girlfriend and has never really had and issue with girls and in fact I really love her because she handles him and keeps him calm. I wouldn't want the sub to make him feel any indifference towards her. I have mentioned this sub to him and he said he might check it out but I just don't know if he'd truly do the emotional work that he would need to do it. Plus, I'd feel slightly bad about putting him in harms way because it seems to bring out so much negativity to get to the positive feelings.

I look forward to hearing more about your positive effects and feelings!

[mat422]

Thanks Patti, I've always been very insightful so when I reach those special moments when things click I like to write them down so I don't forget. Your son sounds a lot like me, same age too. Anxiety is something I deal with on an almost regular basis, but after starting the subliminal it has gone down to a much more manageable level. I've tried a lot in the past, but nothing really brought solid changes. It's hard walking around in the world and having to put up a defensive shell, so I can definitely relate to how your son feels. I still don't know the origin of my anxiety and I remember when I was younger how I thought it wasn't fair.

I knew before starting my journey with this subliminal that I would have some rough times. If your son is willing to make the journey he will come out of it a healthier man. Pushing play and listening may seem simple, but the true test of strength is pushing through all that negativity and realizing that you have come out of it a better person.

With regards to him becoming indifferent, it is hard to say. But it is the natural result of becoming a healthier man. You stop needing things from people and become less dependent on others for happiness. Whether or not his girlfriend would be comfortable with that is hard to tell. Some girls expect attention all the time and are very demanding, others are very supportive and understanding. A guy has to be able to draw the line and tell a girl when she is being selfish in a relationship. But it seems to me that his girlfriend is very supportive and understanding.

[Jeff]

*claps* mat, your are becoming a true alpha. I enjoyed reading that. One, I can relate well to it. Two, I like seeing others succeed just as much as I do. (:

Did you do the AM11 switch over?

[mat422]

Oh yeah, the 2011 alpha male sub was something I was really excited about. I finished up stage 1 2010 and then stage 2 I switched to the 2011 version. I don't know what Shannon did for 2011, but the programming really integrates and becomes a part of you. It's so natural sometimes it's easy to overlook your progress.

[mat422]

10 more days till I start stage 3. Pretty crazy how time flew by, it seems like only yesterday I started listening to stage 1. Right now I've got a bad head cold so I'm incredibly tired and out of it. I don't know if it was stress induced or not. Either way it's left me completely drained and I can't focus on anything or I fall asleep. I've got a class tonight from 6:00-8:30, if I stay awake it will be a miracle.

Stage 2 has been interesting for me. I think the effects are starting to peak right about now because lately I'm just more carefree. I think the 4G technology is really helping smooth out the process because in 2010 stage 1 I felt like a train wreck. Could be the stages though also.

As a side note I got a haircut. I had long shaggy hair that needed a good trim. A girl in my class said I looked nicer with short hair so I'll see what kind of attention it gets me. I think I was holding on to my long hair because I thought it was rebellious or something and made me different lol. Anyway longer hair just got in my eyes too much and made me look like a kid, I look way more mature with shorter hair. I can't help but feel stage 2 led me to this decision lol.

[Ryan]

5 days behind me

Yes I'm feeling those 'peak' effects from stage 2 over the past week. Just noticing that I feel a bit different but can't always put my finger on it, then I go out, realize, wow changes.

Ryan

[Spiral]

Mat, congrats on cutting your long hair! It's good to try something new every once in a while. LOL

I think I'm going to do the afro thing for a while. I still got a ways to go but might as well save the money for haircuts and use it for something else!

[Patti]

My boys were very much into the long hair for a while. I never really cared what they did with their hair, dye it, grow it, shave it...hair's hair whatever. I actually am one of those weird parents that liked the long hair. I just never understood how they dealt with it when they played football in 90 degree heat lol. But they pretty much overdid and had it for years, so when they got it cut, it was a nice change.

I'm sure you look much more mature and handsome! Plus, the first thing some girls notice on a guy is his eyes, so it's a good thing they now can see yours!

[woceyes]

I did the opposite i had short hair most of my life and grew it out to a medium length and had it cut three different ways since starting Alpha.

Nice to hear that 2011 is having great effect on you. Your hair cut will most likely be the first of many things you will change as you progress through the set. I ended up buying many things i know i would never have bought before starting Alpha Male. Like Spiral said Its good to try new things

[mat422]

I'm missing my hair already lol. But it will grow back so no worries. It's always good to experiment. Maybe I just need to find a happy medium between the two, not too long and not too short. That's the whole thing about life, it's just one big learning experience. And if there is one thing I'm learning from alpha it's just learning to be my own man and doing what I want to do regardless of others opinions.

So I'm almost over my cold, still a little tired and drained, but I managed to get some work done over the weekend. The weather is supposed to be getting nicer here so I'm looking forward to some skateboarding.

One more thing is I've picked up natural grounding again. I'm trying to get in touch with my more emotional and intuitive side. I feel like a lot of my problems with girls stems from repressing my natural feelings and thinking I'm somehow giving my power away by being attracted to them. That's one thing PUA will do to you, make you neurotic about the most simple basic human interactions and turn it into some kind of game. I remember when I used to do natural grounding talking to girls was actually fun and I felt connections that were very powerful. Somewhere along the road I feel like I lost what was important and things turned into a game of how much I could get girls attracted to me instead of enjoying the interactions with them.

I'm trying to see things more like a child. Just really experiencing things and enjoying them instead of trying to understand. I think kids have the most freedom, they see the world for what it is. They don't think about time, they only live in the here and now. I remember as a kid playing outside until dinner was ready, I didn't keep track of time I just tried to enjoy myself as much as possible. Now it seems I always have a watchful eye on the clock, calculating my day instead of living it. Always thinking towards the future too much instead of just relaxing and seeing where life takes me. Growing up seems to be confused with stress, making something of your life, thinking too much, etc. While there is a transition into adulthood I think maybe some people lose that connection with their inner child and life becomes a process more than an experience. Growing up you gain responsibilities, but I feel like in the United States there is a lot of pressure on people to "be something". What's wrong with just being and enjoying life?

I guess going into alpha male I had some preconceived notion of what an alpha male was. I think I'm better off just forgetting about that and just being who I am. Along the way on my journey I feel like I'm connecting more to my inner self, rather than trying to become something else.