mat422 alpha journal

[mat422]

Have you looked into textbook lending services like Chegg?

I'll take a look into that. I was thinking about renting, but I don't know how much I trust myself lol. It's not that I treat them poorly, it's just I feel like something horrible would happen out of my control. But then again thats pretty irrational, so thanks for the input.

Half dot com is also a place you might benefit from looking. Sorry, forgot about that in my little rant...

I thoroughly enjoyed your rant lol. I look around and people always want more money. It's never enough. I'm not against people being wealthy, but I'm against people that exploit others. Their greed, you can almost feel, like they are a parasite siphoning off of you. I think more people would benefit from following their passions instead of chasing money all the time.

[Shannon]

Glad you liked it. If I were Emperor, there would be no insurance. Or if there were, it would go into a bank account that you own, costs you little to nothing, and is only accessible when you genuinely need it.

[mat422]

1/25/11

Just felt like venting and getting a few things off my mind. Still working on stage 1 2010 of alpha male and I can't wait for 2011 stage 2. Been having a little doubt lately though, I'm worried that the subliminals won't be enough to pull me out this deep slump I've been in for a while. This subliminal is really my last resort, I've been through so much stuff that never helped me. More and more I just pinpoint how much anxiety holds me back and how stupid and irrational it tends to be, but I feel helpless against it sometimes. It wears me down to the point where I'm physically exhausted.

At this stage I don't even know what to do. I'm keeping myself sane with my hobby, but some days I can't do anything else except sit and watch tv. I know this will pass eventually, it always does, but while I'm here it feels like an eternity.

I've definitely noticed subtle changes from the subliminal. I speak my mind more often and I'm more indifferent. But the anxiety is kind of hard to measure. I'd like to think it went down, but it's hard to tell. My worst fear is that I'm hardwired like this and I will never get relief. I can only hope that my anxiety is a product of my subconscious mind and not necessarily the actual physical construction of my brain.

[Benjamin]

Wow, that sounds so similar to what i've been experiencing. I have also been in a pretty big slump for the last few years and have tried many things. I am noticing improvements from the subliminals, but not as much as i'd like, I plan to continue with them and I know the results will just get better.

[mat422]

Yeah its like the improvements are there, but at the same time you feel you have a long way to go. I'm just trying to enjoy the ride as much as possible. From the looks of your journal you seem to be doing very well, keep it up.

[Spiral]

mat, you just gotta let go. I have had the same feelings you've had. to tell you the truth.. these subs are my last resort as well. they will work though.. because when you get out of those slumps you'll feel better than you ever have before.. then you'll go into another slump... then you'll rise up and feel better than ever.. and so on and so on. It only gets better. so hang in there.

[Shannon]

Sometimes, especially with issues like anxiety, you just have to bite the bullet and ask for help from someone else. Subliminals aren't a panacea. If you end up not getting the results to your anxiety that you want, go find a good licensed therapist and see what they can do for you. A good one, mind you - not someone who's going to draw squigglies while you spill your life story. Remember, alpha male is designed to make you stronger and healthier, but isn't a cure. If you finish alpha male and still have the anxiety, find a good therapist.

[mat422]

I was going to a great therapist, then my insurance stopped covering him which sucked. I was going to a new one for a while but he was an absolute dick to me. His solution to my anxiety was that it was all in my head and I should just keep pushing myself out of my comfort zone. Basically he told me that anxiety was my fault and that I should stop doing it to myself. Not helpful at all, in fact he made me feel worse about myself because now I was under the impression that I was just weak and not trying hard enough. He would constantly criticize me and tell me I needed to get out more and find more friends. I'm almost positive he was just milking my insurance for all that it was worth, he didn't give a damn about me.

I'll see how the subliminal works and take it from there. My mom's side of the family has a history of depression and anxiety, so I more than likely inherited some of those problems. I might have a legitimate biological cause which I believe can only be treated with medication. As much as I appreciate a therapists knowledge and advice, I have studied psychology and abnormal psychology. I don't believe I would benefit from actual therapy, meaning talking about the problem extensively or utilizing techniques. Cognitive behavioral therapy seems to be the big thing in the field of psychology these days, but I've been managing my negative thinking for years utilizing meditation and mindfulness. It's the irrational fear and heightened sense of arousal which leads me to believe that I have a very sensitive and over-reactive sympathetic nervous system.

But I could be jumping the gun. I will more accurately asses my problem after the subliminal is complete. I understand the power of subliminals, but I just overestimate the power of the human mind sometimes. I got caught in a lot of new age material that says that the subconscious mind can do anything as long as your beliefs are powerful enough, but the brain isn't as simple as that and I do believe there are limits. I guess I could give an analogy. It's like having a busted up car. Let's say you have all the tools to repair everything except the engine. You can't ignore the engine because it is a vital part of the car and the current tools you have won't work no matter how hard you try.

[Benjamin]

It's the irrational fear and heightened sense of arousal which leads me to believe that I have a very sensitive and over-reactive sympathetic nervous system.

Sounds like it may be linked to some kind of trauma.

This reminds me what I was reading about last night by Peter Levine. Also some exercises 'trauma release exercises' by David Berceli.



I did the exercises last night from the dvd, and felt quite relaxed after it and was able to sit comfortably which I usually can't do alot of the time without moving around alot.

Search for other David Berceli stuff and there might be more information.

-Ben

---

This may not apply, but I feel that it does.

[mat422]

Interesting, I never linked my anxiety with trauma. My father yelled a lot when I was a kid and he had serious anger management problems. He'd bottle up his frustrations until he got pissed off enough and then released it all at once. I never really know how much of an impact that has had on me or if it has affected me at all. I notice frequently throughout the day my shoulders are very tense and I have to consciously relax them. I'll look into some of this stuff further, thanks Ben.

[Spiral]

mat,

Your father sounds similar to mine. Except I didn't do a whole lot to piss him off cuz I knew he was irritable. He has some form of hyper tension because of his high blood pressure. He was always telling me to be patient but he was never patient with me.

I think I may have some of these anxiety linked trauma. I still tense up my shoulders sometimes but I've been consciously working my breathing for sometime and it's made relaxing much easier for me. Just as long as your conscious of it only then are you able to solve the problem. It takes time but its well worth it.

[Benjamin]

Thats ok. I can identify with the angry dad thing. And I learnt my anger from him, i've worked alot on it so it's alot better, but it has caused alot of trouble. Kind of the passive aggressive where something wasn't said quietly it would just build up and he would yell at me.

It definately would have caused some trauma, I know it did in my case.

-Ben

[Ryan]

Interesting, I never linked my anxiety with trauma. My father yelled a lot when I was a kid and he had serious anger management problems. He'd bottle up his frustrations until he got pissed off enough and then released it all at once. I never really know how much of an impact that has had on me or if it has affected me at all. I notice frequently throughout the day my shoulders are very tense and I have to consciously relax them. I'll look into some of this stuff further, thanks Ben.

Mat, your father was just like mine and your anxiety was much similar as well. I was doing Alpha Male back in September and had to stop because my anxiety got so bad. It was so bad that I couldn't go to school because of social anxiety. Part of me snapped and I had to go on meds in order to fix the problem. There are herbal treatments out there that you can find at a pharmacy without prescription that may help with your anxiety, including teas. I'm doing therapy right now and yes it does help, but I understand what you mean and I had to go on meds because I could not control it. You also have to realize Alpha Male is pushing you out of your comfort zone, you're bound to have to work through anxiety until the program is completely finished. Exercise, yoga, and other meditative activities are good. There are some good programs you can buy online like Attacking Depression & Anxiety which people swear by. Good luck, feel free to contact me anytime!

[SantaRich]

Interesting, I never linked my anxiety with trauma. My father yelled a lot when I was a kid and he had serious anger management problems. He'd bottle up his frustrations until he got pissed off enough and then released it all at once. I never really know how much of an impact that has had on me or if it has affected me at all. I notice frequently throughout the day my shoulders are very tense and I have to consciously relax them. I'll look into some of this stuff further, thanks Ben.

Mat, your father was just like mine and your anxiety was much similar as well. I was doing Alpha Male back in September and had to stop because my anxiety got so bad. It was so bad that I couldn't go to school because of social anxiety. Part of me snapped and I had to go on meds in order to fix the problem. There are herbal treatments out there that you can find at a pharmacy without prescription that may help with your anxiety, including teas. I'm doing therapy right now and yes it does help, but I understand what you mean and I had to go on meds because I could not control it. You also have to realize Alpha Male is pushing you out of your comfort zone, you're bound to have to work through anxiety until the program is completely finished. Exercise, yoga, and other meditative activities are good. There are some good programs you can buy online like Attacking Depression & Anxiety which people swear by. Good luck, feel free to contact me anytime!

Did we all have the same dad? It is amazing how we usually hate our parents, or dislike certain things about them, yet we sometimes take on those traits, especially that we don't like. I think that is why I am.......apprehensive about relationships, my parents have been married for 30 some odd years, I would say five them happy, accumulated. And yet almost all my brothers and sisters kind of follow their example and have bad or negative relationships. Oh and my father says he has anger problems because he was exposed to agent orange, off the coast of nam.

I am glad you are doing better Ryan and have found something that works.

Two more days and I start alpha 11.