USLMax Interlude and Musings

[Have at ye]

Interesting: as I was on my way to Bardic practice today, I was in a pretty good upbeat mood (finished up listening my USLMaxx loops shortly before leaving), and as I was commuting to my practice space, I found myself thinking: "I could really go for some good rokkin' in the nearest future".

Several bus stops later, a poster catches my eye - one of my favorite bands. Playing in my town next week. Lol. I probably would never have learned that otherwise, I think I'm the only person I know who listens to this particular band, and whilst they're not anonymous, they're not massively popular around here enough to have a strong media presence in advertising (I think they played in my country only once up to now, at some big festival which I had to forgo due to professional obligations). So there's a good chance I would have missed it otherwise, heh.

Totally buying the ticket today.

Now I'm feeling pretty good, but also a bit weird. It's like I'm upbeat and a bit sad at the same time, although I'm a bit tired physically too and need more sleep probably.

While I was listening to my loops, I experienced signs of nervousness - increased heart rate, and I was shaking my right leg nervously (I sometimes do that when I'm nervous). Physical indicators are now indicating that something else is being worked on through FRM than previously (as I'd mostly get "dark, heavy" sensations in the liver area and at several points in the middle of my right foot, and sometimes knee, and now that these have probably cleared - haven't felt anything in these areas of the foot for some time now - I'm getting similar sensation at a point on the heel of the right foot and around the heart. They're not that pronounced, really, but they're there). I think.

[Have at ye]

Still feeling a bit ambivalent, but I think things are going in the right direction. Had some rather interesting thoughts and dreams tonight, a bit of the zany variety again. They seem to be indicating progress.

I believe the ambivalence is mostly due to the fact that fears are being targeted, oftentimes triggered noticeably because they're being drawn-out - so that's not exactly pleasant - but they're in the process of getting removed as it is happening - which is a good thing and feels pretty nice.

Planned to meet with my vocal coach today for the first time in two weeks, but she just called she can't make it and we're moving it to the weekend. Honestly? Not that bad, really. I'm still recovering physically from the sinus infection, so it might be better to pace myself. Going to solo Bardic practice tomorrow anyway.

Noticeable DMSI-like happening pretty much every day now. F. in. these past two days one of my more loyal responders (back from DMSI 3.1, I think?) is becoming definitely more... aggressive. And explicit. And this coming from a girl with, erm, deep Catholic conditioning plus a group of new "friends" from my showbiz circles who really don't like the fact someone dares to like me more than them, lol. Should be interesting to see how this develops.

[Have at ye]

Two days of break, resuming Monday. Everything seems to be indicating that progress is being made.

[Have at ye]

Went to one bday partay yesterday, the girl from two posts above was in attendance. She's kinda acting like she's in love or at least in serious lust, lol. Trouble is, she's suffering from a serious case of "friend" - some dude's apparently on her case, and for some reason he seems to know something (including the fact we've been talking dirty over messenger lately, lol), and kept harping on it publicly, and very loudly. He did cross the line from "friendly teasing" to "passive aggressive assholery" quite fast. Poor girl looked like she was about to cry at one point and told me she needs to leave because she's fed up with his behavior - good job, guy! Anyhow, I walked her home (hey, it was nearby ), will be seeing her soon.

"Showbiz" people. Yuck.

Some more stuff of DMSI-related ilk was happening as well, but as usual when it starts kicking in, too much at once to write about, really.

Interestingly, I went back home and had a dream in which I was apparently vomiting some sort of atrocius, stinky bile. The dream felt so real I actually thought I'm vomiting in the physical reality in my sleep (fortunately I wasn't). This is very interesting, and I'll say - a big thing for me actually. Oftentimes, when faced with moronic behavior, manipulation, etc., I would physically start becoming nauseous - I remember two situations in which I nearly actually barfed because someone was incessantly working me and wouldn't stop no matter what I said or did (once it was my ex, another time a bunch of ex-friends). I make a pretty good lie detector because of this, but it's not exactly pleasant. The fact that apparently I am now removing all that (detoxifying? clearing?) away from my subconscious system, so to speak, seems to be a great indication of progress and feels good.

[Have at ye]

Good things happening on all fronts. I am freakishly tired physically though (as I'm on my 3rd tour in a row from today on, as it's as I suspected - the other boy don't want that work. I was half-tempted to tell him to stick it as he only gave me 3 days of advance warning, and to go look for a stand-in, which he would not be able to find in this time, because I'm totally unwell, lol, and then they'd have to cancel the entire tour because of him. Currently on lookout for a replacement boy). Also met another very lovely lady at that bday party on Saturday (the b-day girl was responding, but did not press the issue overmuch so to speak, we shall see how this develops, as they're, like, best buddies with the other gal), and got invited by her to another party this Friday. I'm such a partyboi, lol. It's going to be a loooong week, haha. I've also got a translation job, only 6 pages, but with a Monday deadline, so I'll probably have to fit it in on the weekend.

Sinusitis nearly cleared, I still cough and have a runny nose every now and again, and my face's a bit puffy, but it's getting progressively better and does not interfere with singing overmuch.

Continuing USLMaxxing tonight.

[Have at ye]

Woo boy am I tired due to the 3rd tour in a row. Nearly my entire core is yelling signs of muscular overtraining at me. The sinusitis is 95% gone, though. Only tomorrow left to go, woo!

It's going to be a long day, though. After the tour, I'm going to that gig. After the gig, I have this party to which I was invited by a lovely lady. Hopefully I'll have enough energy for everything.

In other news, received an update on that academic translation I was supposed to be doing (as the uni went silent on that front for some time). Turns out they want me to translate even more stuff, and throw even more monies at me while they're at it. This is quickly becoming a serious influx of potato (it's going to add up to ~4 grand USD, so that's rougly x3.7 this amount in potato at the current exchange rates). The funniest thing about the whole deal is that I haven't even begun working, and they need to pay me up-front because of grant regulations, lol.

The translations themselves should take me about a month to do, while doing bardic and other stuff in the meantime. Cool! Also, given that it's by a pretty prestigious author, this may lead to more "I love academia and their weird money-ways" jobs in the future if I do a good job (and I don't see why I wouldn't).

EDIT

Unfortunately, I missed one day of USLMaxxing on Tuesday - I decided to take a nap before running the sub, and I napped so hard I found myself waking up just in time to get up and go touring again. Continued from Wednsday on. I do experience various fear-related reactions/dreams, etc., while USLMaxxing still.

I'll approach the mishap like this: the Wednsday listen would apply as the begging of a new seconday ASRB session, so I'll start the ASRB count from Wednsday on.

[Have at ye]

Huh. Experiencing quite a bit of fear and anxiety right now alluva sudden. Maybe it's coinciding with the fact I'm about to start my USLMaxx loops.

Oh well. Let's see, shall we?