11-21-2018, 08:18 PM
Listening to my loops for the day, then it's two break days. Resuming on Sunday.
Today I'm still recuperating, but I did find some neat new techniques/thingies that are going to be helpful in the long run, especially as pertains my energy levels. I've been operating on an energetic deficit for an extremely long time. I would let it waste away, slip away, or be taken away by others, and I've been trained that I must do so (let others take my energy, or use my efforts for their own gain with me getting pretty much nothing in return), or otherwise I'll get punished, have no friends, and in general be alone and ostracized, and find no "help" or "support" anywhere. And by nature I have/have had lots of energy. This energetic deficit has been the cause of very, very many bad things that have happened to me over the years.
No fucking more.
Also, been getting some interesting dreams recently, of the "normal" variety. These past two weeks I've been wondering whether the profession I've chosen was the right choice - mostly because even though I really, really enjoy it, and always wanted to do it, the quality of people that are drawn to it is extremely low (I'd even go as far as to say that a lot of people working in it are disgusting human offal and a waste of space), and whether I really want to keep exposing myself to their humiliating and slanderous ways. I've been considering this pretty much since August, at the least, but now it's coming to the forefront.
Then again, I'm a little bit tempted to keep going simply out of spite. Dunno whether it's a good thing. Guess I'll keep pondering and see what conclusions I come to in the end. A change of environment would be most welcome.
Today I'm still recuperating, but I did find some neat new techniques/thingies that are going to be helpful in the long run, especially as pertains my energy levels. I've been operating on an energetic deficit for an extremely long time. I would let it waste away, slip away, or be taken away by others, and I've been trained that I must do so (let others take my energy, or use my efforts for their own gain with me getting pretty much nothing in return), or otherwise I'll get punished, have no friends, and in general be alone and ostracized, and find no "help" or "support" anywhere. And by nature I have/have had lots of energy. This energetic deficit has been the cause of very, very many bad things that have happened to me over the years.
No fucking more.
Also, been getting some interesting dreams recently, of the "normal" variety. These past two weeks I've been wondering whether the profession I've chosen was the right choice - mostly because even though I really, really enjoy it, and always wanted to do it, the quality of people that are drawn to it is extremely low (I'd even go as far as to say that a lot of people working in it are disgusting human offal and a waste of space), and whether I really want to keep exposing myself to their humiliating and slanderous ways. I've been considering this pretty much since August, at the least, but now it's coming to the forefront.
Then again, I'm a little bit tempted to keep going simply out of spite. Dunno whether it's a good thing. Guess I'll keep pondering and see what conclusions I come to in the end. A change of environment would be most welcome.
"A man who is doing his True Will has the inertia of the Universe to assist him." - A. Crowley
