UMS Journal

[Shannon]

Shannon, how?

First by recognizing the faulty logic in play.  Just because I dig ten smoky quartz points in a row, doesn't mean every piece of quartz at that location is smoky quartz, does it?  Likewise, just because you have only ever encountered rich people who you considered to be pricks, doesn't mean all of them are pricks.  

Second, start looking for examples of wealthy people who are not.  Here's one: Warren Buffet.  There are plenty out there if you look for them; just not all of them are public figures, or want you to even know they're rich.  I've interviewed a number of self made millionaires, and more than a few, you'd never know it by looking at them.  They were almost all very personable and just like you and me.  Just they had money.  In fact most millionaires and billionaires you meet will not want you to know they're millionaires or billionaires, and unless someone told you, you probably wouldn't know it.  Partly because they don't want people hating on them because some insecure douchebag with money gave "all rich people" a bad name for that person, and partly because they don't want people asking, begging and/or scamming for money. 

I had a girlfriend whose father was a millionaire, one of her brothers was a millionaire, one of her brothers was a billionaire and one of her sisters was a millionaire.  If she hadn't told me that, I would never have known.  They were just like any other family, only they had money, and that enabled them to do certain things that other families might not be able to do as much as they did, like go boating in the Florida Keys.  They had their human foibles, but everyone has those.  None of them were any more a "douchebag" than anyone else I know who isn't wealthy.  They're just people who happen to have money.

Third, understand what it is you're seeing when you encounter a douchebag, whether they are rich or not.  What you're seeing is someone who is immature and insecure.  Secretly, they're afraid that they're actually not good enough.  They're afraid that they individually just don't measure up.  A lot of people try to make up for this by making lots of money, but more money won't make you more worthwile.  It just emboldens you to show the world what and who you really are.  When you really understand that what you're dealing with is usually an insecure child in an adult body, and they're trying to make themselves feel good enough by trying to make you look and feel bad, you realize that their actions are more worthy of pity than hate.  It becomes easy to ignore them.  And really, why shouldn't you?  They don't matter.  That saying about "the people who matter don't mind, and the people who mind don't matter" is very apropos here.

Fourth, understand that the only reason they bother you is because you are afraid they are right when they tell you that they are better than you.  Your insecurity makes you resent them because of what they did to try to hide their own insecurity.  Nobody can upset you without your permission.  Money doesn't make anyone "better than".  It only means they have that amount of money.  So you need to work on your own insecurities and self image.  You have to understand that with or without money, you're good enough, and valid, and worthwhile and valuable.  And anyone who thinks otherwise because they have money, as I said, is just a child in an adult body, trying to hide their own insecurities.  Which means they're neither "right" nor worth taking seriously.

Last but not least, you have to explore in your imagination what you think it would be like to have lots of money.  Let's say you managed to gain ten million dollars one day in a legal way, and nobody knew it but you.  Imagine what you would feel, and explore those feelings and why you felt them.  Imagine what you would do with the money, and why.  For example, maybe you would split it up over a number of different banks to make sure it was FDIC insured, if you're in the United States.  Now you have all these bank accounts full of money, and nobody knows you're rich.  Are you going to go out and start treating your wait staff like trash all of a sudden, because you have money?  Are you going to go splurge and buy flashy watches and cars and boats and all the things that scream "I'm rich!"?  Are you going to find intelligent and wise ways to invest it, so it grows and becomes eternal multi-generational wealth for your family?  Are you going to use it to help find a cure for AIDS?  What would you do with it?

Remember that there are two sides to every coin.  Wealth can empower a jerk to be a much bigger jerk, and empower a philanthropist to be a much bigger philanthropist.  The same $10 million could be used to create $10 billion, or fund a charity.  It could pay for research that changes the world for the better.  It could help feed homeless people who have become homeless because of a hurricane or earthquake.  It could buy a private island.  It could allow you to deck yourself in gold and jewelry and buy fancy cars and boats and houses.  Wealth isn't positive or negative; it's what you do with it that is positive or negative.  Being wealthy just means you have more potential to make a difference in the world in one way or another, but there is nothing inherently "evil" about money, or owning money.  Therefore, allowing yourself to have money isn't a threat, because you don't have to make the mistakes that others make.  

Allow yourself to fully explore what you might do with $10 million dollars.  Spend some time on it, and really get into imagining the experience.  You'll find that your responses are very telling, and very helpful for understanding why you're not wealthy.  Also, try to trace back the original root for why you see wealthy people as dicks, and why you wouldn't want to become one.