06-01-2016, 06:04 AM
EPRHA 2.0 Day 7
The insights just don’t stop coming…
But this next bit of insight needs a bit of explanation, because it’s both odd and unusual. Or at least to me it is.
When I was around the ages of 5 – 7 my brothers (I am the youngest of 5 children) would have me sit and watch various death documentaries. Maybe some of you are familiar with these. Stuff like Faces of Death, emergency room horror stories…pretty much anything that was either real or simulated death very realistically they put in front of my face. Now, they might have intended this as a joke (which was verified years later when I asked them, “Why did you show me that?!”) but those images stuck around with me deep in the caverns of my subconscious.
Bottom line: I have a lot of dark memories of that stuff deep in my subconscious mind and I also have an abnormal tolerance of gore and nasty stuff. It just doesn’t faze me as it should others, so I don’t know what it feels like to be queasy in most situations of gut bursting gore that some movies offer. To me that’s entirely normal.
During a sort of half awake / sleep moment this morning I had a vivid visualization of some sort of demon hiding out in my house’s attic. This is a metaphoric gesture; obviously, because I don’t even live in the same area or house that I grew up in. So there’s a creepy demon thing in the attic that sort of just waits around to be let out. Not let out to terrorize, mind you, but let out so he can be freed into non-existence, if that makes sense. His time in my subconscious is pretty much done, so I have to get ready for his departure, however that might come about.
If it’s not clear already, apparently this thing is a manifestation of all of those grisly things I grew up watching. He’s a big beast because I was forced to watch that stuff for several years, so the memories have sort of stacked up.
But it is clear that his release just means a clearing of old unwanted memories; that he just slips into non-being once I let him go, which is actually a pretty comforting thought for me.
Obviously my subconscious mind is letting me know that it’s going to start healing that part of me from the past, and it chose to do so via the image of a big crazy looking demon being released. It makes sense to me. I just didn’t realize that was still an issue for me, which is why I’m so surprised my subconscious, as guided by E 2, is doing such aggressive house cleaning.
The only part I don’t know about is *how* the memories will be released. Whether they’ll just be reconciled or whatever, I simply don’t know how all that is going down.
But there you have it.
The insights just don’t stop coming…
But this next bit of insight needs a bit of explanation, because it’s both odd and unusual. Or at least to me it is.
When I was around the ages of 5 – 7 my brothers (I am the youngest of 5 children) would have me sit and watch various death documentaries. Maybe some of you are familiar with these. Stuff like Faces of Death, emergency room horror stories…pretty much anything that was either real or simulated death very realistically they put in front of my face. Now, they might have intended this as a joke (which was verified years later when I asked them, “Why did you show me that?!”) but those images stuck around with me deep in the caverns of my subconscious.
Bottom line: I have a lot of dark memories of that stuff deep in my subconscious mind and I also have an abnormal tolerance of gore and nasty stuff. It just doesn’t faze me as it should others, so I don’t know what it feels like to be queasy in most situations of gut bursting gore that some movies offer. To me that’s entirely normal.
During a sort of half awake / sleep moment this morning I had a vivid visualization of some sort of demon hiding out in my house’s attic. This is a metaphoric gesture; obviously, because I don’t even live in the same area or house that I grew up in. So there’s a creepy demon thing in the attic that sort of just waits around to be let out. Not let out to terrorize, mind you, but let out so he can be freed into non-existence, if that makes sense. His time in my subconscious is pretty much done, so I have to get ready for his departure, however that might come about.
If it’s not clear already, apparently this thing is a manifestation of all of those grisly things I grew up watching. He’s a big beast because I was forced to watch that stuff for several years, so the memories have sort of stacked up.
But it is clear that his release just means a clearing of old unwanted memories; that he just slips into non-being once I let him go, which is actually a pretty comforting thought for me.
Obviously my subconscious mind is letting me know that it’s going to start healing that part of me from the past, and it chose to do so via the image of a big crazy looking demon being released. It makes sense to me. I just didn’t realize that was still an issue for me, which is why I’m so surprised my subconscious, as guided by E 2, is doing such aggressive house cleaning.
The only part I don’t know about is *how* the memories will be released. Whether they’ll just be reconciled or whatever, I simply don’t know how all that is going down.
But there you have it.
