EPHRA v 1.0 Returning with A (Bad-Ass) Vengeance

[hiddenalias]

Day 29
July 22nd
Trickling Stream
vol 15
2 hours listened


So I was using my "new" phone today and forgot to set it into a loop and just listened for 30 min during sleep and then when I realized it I squeezed in another 90 min set it on loop and went on with my day.

I've had some noticeable experiences with EPHRA.....but 32 days is not going to be enough to dig deep into my mind to clear any mental garbage still present.

Like yesterday I felt comfortable around people to do some stupid things like dancing. But today at work, things started out good and I shook hands and tried to play it cool in the start joking with the workers like talking about giving me a nickname and introducing myself shaking hands to the coworkers. But during work I just stayed quiet.....however I felt relaxed and calm but still no interperosnal skills where I could talk and mingle with anyone......I know it was my first day there and it takes time for people to become acquainted with you.....but things I thought started out good but ended like I was a loser and no one cared about me there.....

[Rennus]

Day 29
July 22nd
Trickling Stream
vol 15
2 hours listened


So I was using my "new" phone today and forgot to set it into a loop and just listened for 30 min during sleep and then when I realized it I squeezed in another 90 min set it on loop and went on with my day.

I've had some noticeable experiences with EPHRA.....but 32 days is not going to be enough to dig deep into my mind to clear any mental garbage still present.

Like yesterday I felt comfortable around people to do some stupid things like dancing. But today at work, things started out good and I shook hands and tried to play it cool in the start joking with the workers like talking about giving me a nickname and introducing myself shaking hands to the coworkers. But during work I just stayed quiet.....however I felt relaxed and calm but still no interperosnal skills where I could talk and mingle with anyone......I know it was my first day there and it takes time for people to become acquainted with you.....but things I thought started out good but ended like I was a loser and no one cared about me there.....

Comfortable with things like dancing? That sounds pretty nice, man.

I know what you mean, about the staying quiet thing, that's usually how it is for me too at new places or with new people, I end up being quiet at times. In my experience I've noticed the more I expect out of myself at the start of a social event or interaction, the more likely I am to get nervous or anxious later on.

I think we have to take it easy with what we expect out of ourselves at work and other social situations, bro. The subs help a lot with social skills, but ultimately it takes time for the skillset and confidence to develop with experience. When I expected too much too soon, it blocked my progress heavily, I'd say try and just be forgiving with yourself for now. You gotta treat your mind like an old friend - help it along, don't whip it. It's the one thing that's easiest to forget.

[hiddenalias]

Day 30
July 23rd
Trickling Stream
vol 15

6.5 hours total of listening


So here is some interesting insight.......today I was able to speak more calmly and upfront without fearing......today I felt calm when my "fiancee" was annoying the fuck out of me and I shouldve felt frustrated.....Let's get to these 2 events in more details.

1. My spouse that I am getting into an arranged marriage must have some insecurity issues that she wants to talk about stuff about me and claim it isnt true cuz other people talk shit and wants to clear the matter and talk over Skype about it.....and I am like if you want to say anything just text me having to talk on skype about it is unnecessary and then shes just putting words in my mouth that its how she "feels" about it and I dont get pissed off, I dont get annoyed, I remain calm and polite. I dont let the annoyance and unnecessary drama and fights get to me....I just tell her what I want to tell her and that's that. No frustration, no feelings of being annoyed and no anger. Just calm and direct. Usually I would just get upset or annoyed and extremely frustrated in such scenarios...

2. I talked to these SOBs at Metro PCS which by the way is the shittiest experience I have ever received in my days of using Prepaid phones......so I called out this guy at the "main headquarters" and told him like it was; I didnt fear saying it, I remained calm, direct, assertive with this guy who was possibly pulling a fast one on me.....I was loud, I didnt care that anyone in the store heard me; I just wanted to tear him a 2nd ahole. The fun part was when I told him I know how the corporate system works I've been in the industry.....literally he had nothing more to say he just shut up like he had no good comebacks......I was just a free speaker saying what I wanted to say not caring if I was yelling.....not feeling bad about it not feeling shy....or irrational. I accidentally pulled the cord with the sirens at the phone store accidentally and didnt get embarrassed about it just said sorry i didnt mean to i wont steal the phone jokingly.

Other interesting things that occurred...

1. I made my mom laugh and I rarely ever did that in a lifetime.
2. Some woman at metro pcs (I thought she was just a customer having small talk with me) sparked a conversation after I was speaking my mind at another metro pcs store; turns out she worked there but I dont know if she was talking cuz she liked my outspoken energy or that she was trying to sell me a phone doing her job seeing me as a customer or was it a turn on for her that she was hitting on me as I spoke my mind
3. Pulled over for an ambulance with sirens passing by and first time in my life he uses a loudspeaker to say thank you (for pulling aside) first time that ever happened usually you pull over to let them pass and they dont even thank.

I also felt comfortable around my bro in law and not anxious. I felt calm. I usually am ancy with his presence and said stuff making small talk statements and I usually never do that with him and my sister together watching something. I said it calmly and at ease calmly saying something...

[hiddenalias]

Day 29
July 22nd
Trickling Stream
vol 15
2 hours listened


So I was using my "new" phone today and forgot to set it into a loop and just listened for 30 min during sleep and then when I realized it I squeezed in another 90 min set it on loop and went on with my day.

I've had some noticeable experiences with EPHRA.....but 32 days is not going to be enough to dig deep into my mind to clear any mental garbage still present.

Like yesterday I felt comfortable around people to do some stupid things like dancing. But today at work, things started out good and I shook hands and tried to play it cool in the start joking with the workers like talking about giving me a nickname and introducing myself shaking hands to the coworkers. But during work I just stayed quiet.....however I felt relaxed and calm but still no interperosnal skills where I could talk and mingle with anyone......I know it was my first day there and it takes time for people to become acquainted with you.....but things I thought started out good but ended like I was a loser and no one cared about me there.....

Comfortable with things like dancing? That sounds pretty nice, man.

I know what you mean, about the staying quiet thing, that's usually how it is for me too at new places or with new people, I end up being quiet at times. In my experience I've noticed the more I expect out of myself at the start of a social event or interaction, the more likely I am to get nervous or anxious later on.

I think we have to take it easy with what we expect out of ourselves at work and other social situations, bro. The subs help a lot with social skills, but ultimately it takes time for the skillset and confidence to develop with experience. When I expected too much too soon, it blocked my progress heavily, I'd say try and just be forgiving with yourself for now. You gotta treat your mind like an old friend - help it along, don't whip it. It's the one thing that's easiest to forget.

Well to be more precise, I wasn't like break dancing out in the middle of aisle 13 in the baking section, I just did as much as using my wallet and tapping it on my hand creating a "beat" and "boogying down" creating a movement rhythmically along with the beat.... waiting for my turn standing in line with someone behind me and another guy sitting at a close sight distance taking a glance at my boogies.....

I know that first timers at work dont get acquainted instantly at the snap of a finger with other people on their first day. But I remained calm and like just stood on the sideline while others joined and formed groups chattering away and joking. Of course I am sure theyve known each other for ages....problem is I am naturally not the guy who is the comedian standing on the podium....I am not the guy who knows ice breakers to randomly break silence and build rapport.

I theorize a natural at the craft will immediately break ice and create bonds even on his first day. A craft I would love to hone someday.

I doubt EPHRA has anything to do with social skills.....lets leave that to AM perhaps?

It is just social anxiety for me and the meshing of not knowing what to say or break ice or even making up random stories to be funny whether the story is real or made up.

But what do you think about this? I am sure that is very common in the work place how coworkers have real crazy out of this world stories to tell every single day they come in to work and get others to laugh that really happened in their life.....

real life example, one guy at work talks about his cat having caesars......and got a chuckle out of his coworkers; they corrected him saying seizures not caesars; I already thought a cat with seizures was funny (not in a cruel way) the icing on the cake was how he thought it was caesars replacing the word seizures

[Rennus]

Well to be more precise, I wasn't like break dancing out in the middle of aisle 13 in the baking section, I just did as much as using my wallet and tapping it on my hand creating a "beat" and "boogying down" creating a movement rhythmically along with the beat.... waiting for my turn standing in line with someone behind me and another guy sitting at a close sight distance taking a glance at my boogies.....

That's still pretty good, as it means you're far more comfortable than before, and aren't anxious and 'frozen up'.

I know that first timers at work dont get acquainted instantly at the snap of a finger with other people on their first day. But I remained calm and like just stood on the sideline while others joined and formed groups chattering away and joking. Of course I am sure theyve known each other for ages....problem is I am naturally not the guy who is the comedian standing on the podium....I am not the guy who knows ice breakers to randomly break silence and build rapport.

I theorize a natural at the craft will immediately break ice and create bonds even on his first day. A craft I would love to hone someday.

I get exactly what you mean about others having fun and you just standing around. I've had that experience, haha. It fixes itself as you become more comfortable and observe how people behave, and form a general idea for things. You'd be surprised how many people are able to talk and break the ice, but fail hilariously LOL

My girlfriend knew a guy who talked a lot and came off as confident but couldn't even tell when to stop flirting because he just didn't understand how to read cues! Everyone needs practice, in the end.

It is just social anxiety for me and the meshing of not knowing what to say or break ice or even making up random stories to be funny whether the story is real or made up.

But what do you think about this? I am sure that is very common in the work place how coworkers have real crazy out of this world stories to tell every single day they come in to work and get others to laugh that really happened in their life.....

real life example, one guy at work talks about his cat having caesars......and got a chuckle out of his coworkers; they corrected him saying seizures not caesars; I already thought a cat with seizures was funny (not in a cruel way) the icing on the cake was how he thought it was caesars replacing the word seizures

That's what I mean when I said you need to be more forgiving with yourself.

I've had the same issues socially, and I'd be comparing myself to a 'natural' exactly in the same way you do - that's why I'm saying it might be harmful, because it sabotaged my progress later on. It kinda makes you impatient over time and then makes you get disappointed with your progress - after all, going from say, being someone who's usually nervous, to socially skilled, takes time.

Think about this: what's a natural? Usually, it's someone who grew up that way for various reasons, or someone who has lots of experience.

For someone who isn't a natural, we have to be more patient.

You're doing really good compared to what you were like before judging from things you've said on other posts and stuff, just take it slow. As long as you're paying attention, putting in effort, and feeling comfortable socially, you'll soak up experience.

And, again, you're doing seriously good. Keep the ball rolling.

Hey dude, PM me. What you said about arranged marriages and shitty mobile carriers makes me think we might be from the same country [or at least, the same region]

[hiddenalias]

Day 31
July 24th
Trickling Stream
Vol 15
2 hours listening whilst asleep
2 hours listening whilst awake

Total Listening time 4 hours

So what sucks is that while listening to the sub during sleep, my cord got disconnected and I then the phone died....funny that as I am reaching toward the end of listening to EPHRA, I am listening lesser and lesser. I felt irrational again fearing stuff especially toward my sister. But I felt calm around my bro in law and usually I didnt....but I still dont feel comfortable eating around with family when everyone is there especially when the topic is about me....made a comment to my Bro in law about my opinion when it comes to travel (leisure fun talk) I guess.

Started feeling pissed off when my mom brings up my "marriage" about what my in laws can shop with me when it comes to gifts for the occassion.....felt upset and annoyed....

Another thing that bugged me was my brother and how he just had a baby and sent pix but I didnt care cuz I hate his guts and my mom goes to tell me that my brother called (and she knows I dont care what he did) so why bother telling me about it; they asked me to save pictures with pix that he sent of his wife n their newborn son.....I understand it should be a happy occasion but I cant give a F because of him....definitely some issues there EPHRA needs to dig deeper with just these 2 incidences and my emotional negative reaction to them both.

Nothing else exciting to report....no surprise if I only listened 2 hours during sleep so that effected the outcome I presume. Tomorrow is my last day with EPHRA before starting AM 6 the day after.

[hiddenalias]

Day 32 LAST DAY
July 25th
Trickling Stream
Vol 15

Total listening time - 9.5 to 10 hours

So here is the final journal for the day. I completed the recommended 32 days. No doubt I need months with this....even 1.0; but since 2.0 is out I just go to that. Had some dreams today, don't know them in details but I know I dreamt. Today I talked to one guy about car accident insurance over the phone he ended up calling me but I still felt kinda like I was begging but told him off anyway and didnt wanna hear what he had to say and I said, I dont wanna hear you I wanna talk to my own adjuster or manager when he was trying to say "any adjuster in this office can help you"....so I felt somewhat nervous mixed in with telling him off attitude....same with a woman on the phone before this conversation, I was like I don't need my old adjuster having to deal with her is like bashing my head into a brick wall......lol but she was like "she is still minimally in charge of the adjustment" lol when I already complained that I had a bad experience with her.....*rolls my eyes* But I also felt hesitant in calling other insurance agency for the other party that caused the accident because I felt I wasn't confident enough and didnt want to go through the hassle of explaining to him why I wasnt at fault bla bla....so I know they wouldnt change their mind anyway so F it.

On another note, I went into a store today and came out rather funny kept making this cute girl laugh with my sense of humor but I think I already could do that if I am alone with no one else around.....even before EPHRA but maybe it was EPHRA because I naturally dont know how to make people laugh or maybe she was just polite laughing....I guess if she isnt friendly that it doesnt make me feel relaxed and I cant naturally joke around so if the girl is friendly and smiling, makes it easier for me to pull it off.

Other than that, nothing else to report for today. I would need months of EPHRA to be completely free of negative thinking, I stuck with 32 days minimum and shouldve gone up to 6 months tops but I really would like to start AM 6 tonight. So with that said, thanks to everyone to following me on this journey for the last month and get ready for the journal of AM 6.

That ends the chapter on EPHRA. I will post the 32 day comparison in the testimonials page sometime this week.

32 DAYS = 223.5 HOURS OF LISTENING