Transcendental Sith Lord's OF Journal

[DarthXedonias]

I am impressed.  And I have long since believed...

FEAR IS A LIARRRRR!

Thanks for the comments. Thanks for making these subs Shannon. As for those who are still struggling I would say trust Shannon on this it is fear that is holding you back. Sure there could be other things that add on top of that (guilt and shame) but fear is the main progenitor of all the shit in your life. I can say this as someone who formerly (I hate saying that for reasons that I will mention later) had PTSD which is literally based in fear that the havoc that one thing plays on ones life is horrible and you don't even know that you are in its grip at times because it seems so "reasonable". 

Btw @Shannon There was one other thing I wanted to mention to you as a suggestion. Don't know if you already implemented this in some way and if you did it would explain some stuff. There is one specific event that I think was the catalyst for this metamorphosis but I'm not sure if it was the naturalizer, something in FRM, or perhaps it was something that my subconscious came up with in order to achieve the goals of the program at the behest of the program of course. I do need to ask something then i think it will segway into what I'm getting at. Ok I think you have established that there are lots of possible futures (if I'm understanding that part of your work to this point). Since there are lots of possible futures that would mean there are lots of different pasts that simply weren't manifested correct? You have made it clear with good reasons that you would never "manipulate" the past because that would cause obvious things like the butterfly effect. My question is what if you didn't actually manipulate the future but did something else? Is it possible for the subconscious to say find and concentrate on the past that would have led to full realization of the goals of the program and have current behaviors, beliefs, etc be based on that past? This way your not actually manipulating the past your simply having current behaviors, beliefs, be based on that one. Such a person would obviously still know what the actual manifested past was but choosing to "act" on the one that best serves the purposes of the program. Obviously this would have to be investigated to see if it would be safe to do in any possible way but thought I would suggest it. 

I brought this up because this is sort of what happened one night I was listening to the sub. It was like I came up with this idea and focused on that kind of possible past that would have enabled full realization of the goals the of the program and basing my behavior, etc on them. I don't know if perhaps this was a particular case due to myself and my quite traumatized past so my subconscious realized this was the best way forward to achieve the goals of the program. Either way focusing on that seemed to have worked and this whole metamorphosis began because of it. Either way thought I would shed light on this. Who knows maybe you could have it work for FRM in a way by having the subconscious focus in on a past that lacks the fears that are holding the program back?


Now I think its time for some actual updates. Essentially I think I have found a nice baseline for my sense of well being at 7 though I can seem to move that sense of well being up at will if I feel like it. Can make myself more happy on command it would seem. I'm still getting those weird sort of reality immersion bubbles I guess. I will start thinking about my future plans and then my mind will zero in on a certain aspect of the future and its like I'm fully immersed in it for a second or a few. During that time it feels so real. I did realize as well the only time I really feel fear is when I'm asleep or half asleep. Something about being conscience makes it so the fear never fully manifests in my mind. Like something is blocking it from manifesting. 

This does bring me to something quite important a dream and then for the first time in my life I actually hallucinated. I decided to take a nap one late afternoon. Had a dream wearing I was moving towards my ceiling and I think i noticed a spider on it hanging from a single web. I kept on getting closer even though as I got closer to it the fear started to rise as I noticed more details. Its was extremely ugly but I got closer anyway because a certain allure and curiosity then it turned around the bit my neck. I woke up fear pulsing, felt a pain in my throat, and felt like I had a breathe caught in my throat. As i quickly rose up to a sitting position from the shock my eyes flew to the sealing as I rose. I saw a spider there (while I was awake) scurry on the ceiling towards the directions of the cur-tents only for it to literally phase out of existence , before my very eyes, before it reached the cur-tents. 

Lucky for me I realized something else after the fear was largely stamped out. I am able to quickly ascertain the meaning of the dreams I have without looking it up or doing anything of the sort. Like I'm not "afraid" of knowing the meaning or purpose. This one was quite relevant. The spider was the "truth". The truth can be ugly, frightening, and hard to look at but it needs to be paid attention to regardless. The fact that I wouldn't look away and kept getting close to it proves of my relationship with the truth in the past of not looking away from it or ignoring it when its plainly before me. It reminded me of something of my past with it. Of how in the past I have belong to several different groups, etc all talking about how they are for the truth but I always fell out of such groups because I found out their commitment to it was only superficial. They only wanted comfortable amounts of truth and refused to see it when it makes them uncomfortable. 

The biting was it injecting me with truth and though it was painful and scary it was needed. Even the whole seeing the spider after waking up and then it disappearing had a meaning. Truth and reality aren't exactly the same thing. Using my most recent "past" as an example the PTSD reality of course on every aspect "felt" real and was real for that reality but in the end was it true? No it wasn't because the fear behind it was nothing more than a lie. So it felt real but the assumptions it was based on weren't true. 

Now here is the very, very interesting part which is related to the question I posed Shannon earlier. I got on reddit yesterday (don't go on there often) and noticed I had a message. Turns out it was from a friend from a long, long time ago who was trying to find me. Here's the kicker the reason he was trying to find me was because one night recently he had a very intense and interesting dream about me and felt like reconnecting. Turns out I checked the date on that message. He had the dream the very same night I had that break thru I mentioned above at the beginning of this post. I think we can all agree that isn't a coincidence correct? Anyway, that's about all I have for now. Really long this time but I wanted to get this all down as it all seemed very prevalent. Questions and comments are always welcomed.