Transcendent Sith Lord's LTU 5.0 Journal

[DarthXedonias]

When I say "don't judge" this person, it's because my time at rock bottom has taught me compassion for people at their lowest. I'm not saying you can't disapprove of misdeeds by people, but the fact of the matter is unless you ARE that person, you CAN'T really judge them fairly for their lowest points in life, because you're not them and you don't know what it's like to be them. It doesn't mean you have to put up with shitty behaviour,  it just means that they are always worthy of your love and respect, even at their lowest. That there's more to them than their worst. IT's easy to argue for judging people when you come from a place of strength, but that's the weakness of strength: a lack of compassion for people at their weakest.

I've made some pretty terrible mistakes, but unless you've BEEN me, experienced what I've experienced, felt what I've felt, suffered what I've suffered and been through what I've been through, you wouldn't truly understand those mistakes I've made. Not really. And you wouldn't truly understand me. You could judge me, but not fairly, because you have no true understanding of what it was like on my end when making those mistakes. That doesn't mean to approve of what I did, but unless you were in the driver's seat, you can't understand those mistakes. If you did, you would have nothing but compassion and forgiveness and understanding for others who make those mistakes as well, or you would punish yourself for those mistakes without end. I know this because that is what I do t myself unless I can see myself with love and compassion and forgiveness.  We all make mistakes. To error is human. I try not to judge people for their worst mistakes anymore because I've MADE terrible mistakes and if I'm to be judged for those mistakes, I honestly don't think I deserve to live. It doesn't mean put up with shitty treatment from people, but just not to judge them for it, because it's easy to judge when it's not you making the mistakes.

I can tell from the things you're saying that you've never hit rock bottom before and been at a truly low point in your life, but you don't know what experiences could drive you to become like that yourself, and one lifetime, you may find yourself having just those experiences. I used to look down on people who've made the same mistakes I've made... until I made them myself, which I never thought myself capable of. It's easy to judge from a place of strength. It's easy to look down on somebody when you're at a high point. Only when you've MADE the mistakes yourself, and had to forgive and love yourself, do you come to learn how worthy of compassion and forgiveness somebody else at their lowest is.

I've seen the video on Kreia and played Knights of the Old Republic. I still stand by what I've said. It's easy to look down on someone until you've hit rock bottom yourself. It doesn't mean I don't want to take responsibility for the mistakes I've made, but it does mean I am learning to have compassion for myself for making them.

Phoenix, I really do think your misunderstanding what I'm saying. I'm not saying this as some accusation or to get you relied up. I'm was just trying to have a dialogue and to impart some wisdom given my own past mistakes and from being on both sides. I did find something you said particularly interesting:

I can tell from the things you're saying that you've never hit rock bottom before and been at a truly low point in your life, but you don't know what experiences could drive you to become like that yourself, and one lifetime, you may find yourself having just those experiences. I used to look down on people who've made the same mistakes I've made... until I made them myself, which I never thought myself capable of.

Funny enough this was making a judgement about me I might add. Btw, I am not getting on you for making this judgement I am bringing this up because you are not making that judgement fairly or with the full information. For example, you might have not been here for long but it wasn't until recently I became a totally different person. Before I had this amount of independence and self mastery I had been at rocked bottom. If you go back to any of my old journals or ask anyone here I was totally different than how I am now. You'll notice that the tone and way I speak about things is way, way different. There was a very good reason for this. I literally struggled for PTSD and a very bad kind I might add for years. I'm pretty sure getting to the point of wanting to kill yourself multiple times and almost doing so would count as "hitting rock bottom" I would say. Obviously your previous "judgement" was incorrect. 

I am not saying this to be hard on you in anyway I might add. I am doing this so you can try to understand my points. I don't know how you could have took what I wrote earlier and gotten to thinking about what you wrote about above "unless" you read what I wrote with the worst possible interpretation. Also, where did I ever even hint that you should just judge people who are at rock bottom harshly. I never said that. What I am trying to do is impart some advice as someone who was also at rock bottom and trying to help you get to the point where I am at if possible. I can't do that though if you don't act in "good faith" like I do when I read what you wrote and automatically assume the worst possible interpretation. I just ask if you read something I wrote and it might not sound right that you "ask" me to clarify instead of assuming I meant the worst possible thing. 

Hell, I've had points where I had "friends" who were there for me during the good times and then when I went through depression all of a sudden they didn't want anything to do with me. Well, I say fuck them if that's the case. I've been down that road that you so happen to think I haven't been down. Point is in order to get out of all of that I had to have a paradigm shift in the way I think and I had to come to the conclusion that everything that I had learned from society, people around me, and even my parents was a lie. I had to start over from ground zero as far as the way I think and the way I thought the world works. That doesn't mean you go to extremes either. Some people mistakenly go to extremes in response to being at rock bottom for a while. For example, they might just say screw it all then figure they need to be complete assholes to everyone in order to either be taken seriously or not be abused and in return they become the new abusers. 

The point is not to chain yourself to any particular way of thinking or acting. Be dynamic and adaptive in the way you think and how you approach things. Don't allow yourself to stagnate by having your mind only think in one way and be insistent that this is the way the world "must" be. Continuously improve yourself and don't stop that. I realized, as I said before, that I am DarthXedonias and that is good enough. I don't "need" another person or a group to make myself whole because I already am. Because of all of that I am able to change the way I think, behave, and act out in the world as I like. I am not as limited like I used to be. I am not trying to tell you to be an asshole or encourage other people to do that. I am not telling people to not be compassionate (far from it actually). You can in fact judge people while acting in a compassionate manner about it. Its not a either or thing. Two girls come to making a judgement about a guy and decide he's not right for them. One lets him down easy while the other makes a scene and embarrasses him in front of everyone. Both came to the same judgement and conclusion about the guy but they acted in different manners. 

I hope this kind of clears up any misunderstandings you might have had whether about what I said or where you think I came from (past wise). All I'm asking in all of this is that you at least give me the benefit of a doubt when you read something I say and don't assume the worst interpretation. If you have a problem, just ask a question. I will be more than willing to answer with more specifics if it came off the wrong way.